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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My ex just turned up at my house drunk

28 replies

Lolabray · 29/08/2021 22:45

We have split for various reasons 6 weeks ago.
There was banging on window and then I looked out and saw a face so I’ve let him in. He was in floods of tears telling me he loves me and he is sorry etc etc etc

I am sober and wasn’t walking back into that. He kept asking me if I loved him.

I suppose if he got help then maybe but I am not running back to someone who has hurt me and doesn’t listen. Can you support me on this please .

OP posts:
Username817391920384747 · 29/08/2021 22:46

do you want to get back with him or do you feel better off without him?

Dazedandconfused10 · 29/08/2021 22:47

Tell him to piss off

BichonFrizz · 29/08/2021 22:49

The first thing is to ask him to leave and suggest if he's serious he could at least talk to you when he's sober.

You broke up with him for a reason though. If nothings changed then nothing will change.

Emma2021 · 29/08/2021 22:50

only you can make that decision as you know him.
if he's made similar mistakes before, then let him go.
i am sure that the spilt came over not just one item but many over the months so imo, if i am corrects, best rid of him whislt you are still young-ish.

Ask yourself this, why should he listen to you now and not hurt you other than him saying he won't just like before i guess

The choice is yours, so good luck and i hope whatever the decison it works out for you

Emma2021 · 29/08/2021 22:51

@Dazedandconfused10

Tell him to piss off
well, she let him in,
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 29/08/2021 22:56

Send him home
This is unacceptable behaviour and surely cannot be persuading you to think about trying again??

Original poster
Lolabray · 29/08/2021 22:57

Emma2021

Dazedandconfused10
Tell him to piss off
well, she let him in,

He was banging on the window I didn’t want a scene I live ina quiet road. He has left now.

And I said speak to me when your sober. Drink is one of the reasons why we argue.! He needs help

OP posts:
Smackthepony · 29/08/2021 23:06

I wouldn’t entertain discussing anything with a drunk. Tell him to go home and sober up. It may well be a Completely different conversation when he’s sober!. He could back track or deny his ‘drunken’ declarations of love. Either way you finished for it for a reason. Those reasons are what matter and what your decision should be based on.

Smackthepony · 29/08/2021 23:07

X post!

ChancesAre1 · 29/08/2021 23:09

At least he's gone now.

Get a good night sleep and stick to your guns!! I regret taking my partner back after we came close to splitting. Wish i'd seen it through.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/08/2021 23:11

I recognise your username. OP please, please read this and absorb it:

This man has repeatedly called you at a new job making you feel humiliated.
He is a problem drinker.
He won’t accept your break up to the point you posted on MN asking how to make him accept it.
He shouts at you.
He smokes around you when you asked him not to.
He won’t make plans to see you and just wants to when he fancies it.
His ex is an issue.
He constantly compared you to his ex.
He tried to make you hang out with his ex.
He is STILL MARRIED on paper.

No contact. At all. Just stop it. Look how many threads you’ve started about your toxic relationship - that alone surely tells you how unhealthy this is?!

You speak as if you would consider getting back with him potentially - “if he got help then maybe”. It is madness.

Stop. Entertaining. The. Thought. Of. This. Man.

CornishTiger · 29/08/2021 23:14

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I recognise your username. OP please, please read this and absorb it:

This man has repeatedly called you at a new job making you feel humiliated.
He is a problem drinker.
He won’t accept your break up to the point you posted on MN asking how to make him accept it.
He shouts at you.
He smokes around you when you asked him not to.
He won’t make plans to see you and just wants to when he fancies it.
His ex is an issue.
He constantly compared you to his ex.
He tried to make you hang out with his ex.
He is STILL MARRIED on paper.

No contact. At all. Just stop it. Look how many threads you’ve started about your toxic relationship - that alone surely tells you how unhealthy this is?!

You speak as if you would consider getting back with him potentially - “if he got help then maybe”. It is madness.

Stop. Entertaining. The. Thought. Of. This. Man.

Crikey. What a lovely man he is!

Stay the fuck away and if he turns up again ignore and if he persists police.

Did he want sex tonight?

SnatchCassidy · 29/08/2021 23:14

Well if he can't turn up at your house stone cold sober to tell you he loves you and he's sorry then I think you already know the deal. He doesn't mean it.

BigGooseyLucy · 29/08/2021 23:16

New rules- dua lipa

This need to be your song right now

Original poster
Lolabray · 29/08/2021 23:32

Thanks all I certainly won’t run back into the arms of someone who hurt me

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/08/2021 23:35

@Lolabray

Thanks all I certainly won’t run back into the arms of someone who hurt me
But more than that, surely you don't want to have any contact with him ever again?

He's been horrible to you. Repeatedly.

No contact, at all, is the best course of action for you all things considered.

Boredhimtodeath · 29/08/2021 23:36

If he comes back let him cause a scene rather than letting him in. It’s him that will look pathetic. Don’t be scared to ring the police.

AdoraBell · 29/08/2021 23:37

Glad he gone, don’t let him in again. If he wants to talk and you do too then meet him in a public place, coffee shop or similar. No alcohol options. And don’t let him reel you in. If you don’t want to get back with him then stick to your guns.

Emma2021 · 30/08/2021 09:15

Dear OP
If it's the drink that was part of the problem and he turns up drunk, I think you know what to do.
Good luck

category12 · 30/08/2021 09:25

Next time let him cause a scene outside.
Call the police if needs be.

It really doesn't matter what people think. It's him that is the one behaving badly.

He's relying on you giving in, and when you do, it reinforces to him that if he persists eventually you'll cave.

Let him embarrass himself.

layladomino · 30/08/2021 09:32

Wow why would you want to be with him? He is no catch. You split up for really good reasons. Why on earth would you think he's magically changed in 6 weeks? In fact he's proved nothing has changed by turning up drunk at your home and making a scene.

He sounds vile and I can't think why you would even consider getting back with him. There are so many better men out there than him. And I would rather be single every day of the week than with someone who causes drama and hurt like he does.

You shouldn't have to 'fight' for a good relationship. When you're in a good r'ship there is no drama, no name-calling, no second-guessing, no analysing how they feel, no 'hot and cold', no game-playing.

It's a wonderful thing when you realise that such relationships do exist, where you know exactly where you stand and can trust the other person not to mess you about or lie to you.

Why on earth would you want to be with him?

Rainbowshine · 30/08/2021 09:38

Next time (and I bet there will be):

Don’t let him in
Put the bolt or chain on the door
If he kicks off call the police
Let them deal with him

Right now:
Block him on everything
Report his behaviour to the non emergency line/online report to police
Read up on hoovering - lots of threads on the relationships board here
Write a list of his behaviour that made you split up and stick it on the fridge and refer to it when you have a wobble

Do not engage with him anymore.

SandraOhh · 30/08/2021 14:33

Why did you let him in? You had a choice about whether to open the door or not.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2021 14:38

Haven't you learned your lesson yet when it comes to this man? You never should have let him in.

2catsandhappy · 30/08/2021 15:46

Well I am relieved he left.
Are you ok? Do you feel safe?
Can you text him to NEVER turn up again and you WILL phone the police to get rid of him?

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