Sad to contemplate future alone but also not sure I want a relationship

[SaminSeptember]

Nc for this. Been single a few years now, and it's the calmest I've felt and happiest in myself, after a stressful abusive marriage and a couple of crap dating relationships since. Sometimes though I miss things about a relationship, the laughs and the companionship. But what I don't miss is having to be accountable to someone else, being let down, having to compromise, sharing a bed. I don't want to live with someone ever again because I think women end up doing more of the work, I prefer my own space and I don't want to look after a man. OTOH it feels sad to never be open to love again. Has anyone else felt this way? Cant decide if I'm just traumatised by the bad experiences and even then how to overcome that

It’s frustrating though, the world is not set up for single people.

I earn above average and got a fair settlement in my divorce but paying a mortgage etc on one salary is hard work!

As is being a single parent - my child is older and my ex is a good dad but the practical, and more importantly, emotional stuff all falls to me.

It’s exhausting juggling everything and while I would love a cuddle and someone to spend time with and look out for me I mostly feel that a relationship would just be something else to stress me and take up my valuable time. The men I’ve met since I’ve been single haven’t given me reason to think otherwise.

Doesn’t mean I’m not lonely though - I’m getting better at being single but there are a few things (not just sex) that you can only get from a great relationship, it makes me sad to think it’s unlikely to happen for me again.