Reading this thread with interest. I came out of a 27 year relationship 6 months ago and despite initially feeling relief and calm, recently have started to miss certain aspects of a partnership.
The problem l have is l am quite introverted and need my own space. Therefore l hate being ‘busy’. However l do get lonely on my own and the answer seems to lie with joining groups, Meet Up’s etc. But l struggle with groups and generally prefer small group interactions.
Weekends can feel particularly hard and l feel if l don’t make considerable efforts to make plans then l spend them on my own. This feels like hard work and l do miss having someone to do ‘nothing’ with and to wake up Sat morning and decide on the spur of the moment to go to the cinema or a walk.
My ex and l were quite compatible this way and were each other’s default company. On reflection l can now see this led to us becoming quite isolated and we never had any couple friends. Upon our split, l knew my friendship circle was small and l couldn’t rely on any of them for regular company. I still struggle with this.
It also means cancelled plans have a much greater impact on me and can feel quite devastating.
However many of the comments on this thread about ‘bending and shaping’ yourself to fit the man have really resonated with me. I felt so resentful in my long marriage for far too much of the time and it was because my needs were always below his.
What has been really hard work coming out of the relationship is finding the real me, not the people pleaser or the accommodator. I do feel a bit lost with this and am having counselling.
I can’t imagine ever trusting someone again to the extent of living with them and sharing finances. It is so stressful trying to detangle things with my ex. I am not sure if l could ever put myself in this position again.