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Original poster

Am I that repulsuve?

54 replies

Fullerene · 29/08/2021 18:50

  1. 2 children, teen and a barely-out-of todderhood child.

Am overweight (well, obese at 5'3"), working f/t, earning ok. Autistic with difficulty remembering faces/ names, but can sort of see social cues. Mental health issues. Divorced, very recent;y. Ex-boyfriend (NOT ex-husband, took a year to get divorced) just said "hell no" to sleeping with each other again; he knows I can be quite reactive. I am on medication for depression.

Am I that repulsive? I am loyal, affectionate, supportive. Am good in bed, reasonably aspirational. But for some reason, I seeem to be repulsive to my ex (less money, younger). Am I repulsive by my looks/ situation? Will I ever find someone who loves me the way I am and doesn't comment "hell no" to sleeping with me ever again?

OP posts:
Dacquoise · 29/08/2021 19:41

He's an ex for a reason, a good one by the sound of it. Anyone that speaks to you like this is an insensitive and repulsive human being.

You are not repulsive. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and you were 'good enough ' to sleep with before.

Dust yourself down, take care of yourself and save your inate attractiveness for someone who can appreciate you Flowers

Raggedyanabell · 29/08/2021 19:44

What the fuck?

Why is he a dick and an asshole for not wanting to sleep with an ex?

@WorraLiberty

Errr I think the dickish thing was the manner in which he said 'no' when OP clearly has mental health/self esteem issues. Surely it's not that difficult to figure out..

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/08/2021 19:45

He may also be conscious that your confidence is low and you have insecurities that mean continuing to have sex with each other after a break up would be an especially bad idea, rather than being good for you. I think it is a bad idea for most people tbh as it invites a blurring of boundaries between ex / friend / sexual partner etc.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2021 19:45

Op you have clearly not always been rejected you’ve been married and had another relationship. So I’m unsure what you’re talking about there.

Are you just hurt he didn’t want to get involved again so being a little dramatic?

WorraLiberty · 29/08/2021 19:46

Errr I think the dickish thing was the manner in which he said 'no' when OP clearly has mental health/self esteem issues. Surely it's not that difficult to figure out..

Oh come on. 'Hell no' even to someone with those issues doesn't make him a dick or an asshole.

People are allowed to express mild shock you know.

Raggedyanabell · 29/08/2021 19:51

@WorraLiberty

Errr I think the dickish thing was the manner in which he said 'no' when OP clearly has mental health/self esteem issues. Surely it's not that difficult to figure out..

Oh come on. 'Hell no' even to someone with those issues doesn't make him a dick or an asshole.

People are allowed to express mild shock you know.

Well you said "Why is he a dick and an asshole for not wanting to sleep with an ex?" And I was replying that poster obviously wasn't saying that he was a dick for not wanting to sleep with someone..

And no, there's 'mild shock' and then there's being rude. "No" would've been fine.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2021 19:54

Hell no isn’t rude, hell no you ugly worm is.

Martha52 · 29/08/2021 19:55

I’m a lot older than you (50) and it took me many years to understand that you’ll be as attractive, sexy, friendly, wonderful as you believe you are. In other words, what you project outwards to others is exactly what they’ll believe. If you see yourself as ugly then that’s exactly what you’re telling people to believe - you communicate it by your body language, facial expressions and general demeanour. If you love yourself (it takes time) and see the beauty and wonderful traits in yourself then others will receive that energy and treat you accordingly.

Never run yourself down. Think of yourself as beautiful and that’s exactly what you’ll be.

OverweightPidgeon · 29/08/2021 19:58

You can’t gauge your worth by whether someone will sleep with you or not.

Shutupyoutart · 29/08/2021 20:23

Op did you post about this guy recently ?sleeping with another ex right after you broke up? If that was you honestly don't waste another thought on that loser,get out there and mix with some new people, get some hobbies,do things you enjoy doing,meet up with some old friends.of course you are not repulsive he's just a twat and You deserve better. Deep down I'm sure you know this my advice is to stop talking to him just block him completely u Wont get any closure if you keep in touch with him. X

Raggedyanabell · 29/08/2021 20:48

@Bluntness100

Hell no isn’t rude, hell no you ugly worm is.
Yes it is 🤷‍♀️ the "hell" is completely unnecessary.
WorraLiberty · 29/08/2021 20:50

It's not unnecessary to get a point across

I'd put money on most people agreeing with that, if it was the ex who asked the OP for sex.

No-one would be calling her names for it either.

SleepingBunnies21 · 29/08/2021 20:50

@Fullerene

He is happy to sleep with other exes, that's why it stings so much
Well then it's a good thing he's not up for it with you, for whatever reasons; he'd give you a dose of herpes or something.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/08/2021 20:53

"My ex and I broke up a while ago but he's asked me to come stay over and I know he means for sex... he's a nice guy but obviously it's not a good idea - was I being unreasonable to say 'hell no!' He says it was mean of me."

I don't think that if an OP posted that they would be told they were being unreasonable.

Raggedyanabell · 29/08/2021 20:55

@OverweightPidgeon

You can’t gauge your worth by whether someone will sleep with you or not.
Listen to this OP. It's true. I know it's hard to take on board when you have mental health issues and low self esteem but your value doesn't lie in this (or any other) mans opinion of you. Whether he meant his "hell no" to be rude or not isn't really important, you're not repulsive and you are worth just as much as any other human being.
Raggedyanabell · 29/08/2021 21:05

@WorraLiberty

It's not unnecessary to get a point across

I'd put money on most people agreeing with that, if it was the ex who asked the OP for sex.

No-one would be calling her names for it either.

Context is always key and regardless of sex someone feeling as low as OP was left feeling "repulsive" by that response so it was unnecessarily harsh.

I don't know why people always reverse the sexes on these threads in an attempt to show that men get a rougher deal, it's blatantly not true and women get called out on here all the time for being rude 🤷‍♀️

RainbowZebraWarrior · 29/08/2021 21:19

@Aquamarine1029

Why are you asking an ex to have sex again? I would say hell no, too.
I'd say the Autism has a big part to play in why you would ask an ex to have sex with you.
Bluntness100 · 29/08/2021 21:24

All this is it rude or not is batshit, she’s not asking if he was rude, the fact some random thinks it is, is really not relevant, it’s not the question.

Raggedyanabell · 29/08/2021 21:34

@Bluntness100

All this is it rude or not is batshit, she’s not asking if he was rude, the fact some random thinks it is, is really not relevant, it’s not the question.
Well we are all "some random" on this thread aren't we so no opinion is more weighted than any other.

I have already said it's irrelevant. I was originally responding to somebody else who seemed to have purposely misconstrued someone else's comment and presented it as someone saying it's not ok for a man to say no to sex.
I have clarified that was what I meant and I have said in another post to OP that it doesn't matter either way, so there's no need to keep derailing her thread.

Imnewhere1991 · 29/08/2021 21:36

OP I find it sad you want sex with him because he does it with others. What would that gain? Do you still have feelings for him?

Imnewhere1991 · 29/08/2021 21:38

Just to add that sleeping with someone to feel better about yourself imo will not work. You need to work on liking yourself. Self confidence does not come from seeing who will sleep with you.

Original poster
Fullerene · 30/08/2021 08:25

Just to be clear: I do not actually want to sleep with him, nor have I asked him to. I know his attitude to sex is incredibly casual and the way we are going to conduct our friendship and future boundaries between us came up. Mine are a lot stricter than his and there are many things I would not do with mere friends that he'd have no issue with.

So it wasn't the "no" itself, even a "we both know that's not a good idea" (which is isn't, to be clear - not only from an emotional POV, but also from a sexual health one and the fact I really wouldn't want to risk a baby with him) would have been fine. What made me question myself was literally the "hell no".

I can't quite explain the difference. To me, that is reserved for people I find repulsive, physically or emotionally.

OP posts:
Lolabray · 30/08/2021 08:28

He may have said hell no for a number of reasons - he may not want to enter a sexual relationship with someone he has just ended the relationship with.

Lolabray · 30/08/2021 08:29

And I’d say hell no to something in the context of I’m not going there- may not be any reflection of another person.

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2021 09:43

To me, that is reserved for people I find repulsive, physically or emotionally

Ok well that’s not how most others feel. In addition your posts are confusing, you start off saying it was a hell no to you suggesting sex but then say you weren’t suggesting that at all and don’t want to have sex with him.

So sssuming you were just inviting him to stay over and actually sleep then again the interpretation of it meaning your repulsive makes no sense, as does the comment he shags his other ex’s.

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