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Original poster

Partner doesnt make time for me and our son

32 replies

CharlieBearX · 29/08/2021 14:42

I've been with my partner for 2 and a half years now we have an 11month old baby boy, hes an absolute daddy's boy he adores his dad but before we had our son he used to make time to see me everyday or text me all day on the days he couldn't see me but now since I had a baby and got my own house he can go weeks without contacting me he thinks it's okay he cares for his mam so that's his excuse constantly, he doesn't bother to ring to ask how his son is or to just check in recently he got his mam to text me to say his phone screen was broke so he couldn't contact me so I didn't bother ringing him he went a full week with no contact whatsoever it's been happening for months then when he's finally visited us I've checked his phone the screen was working perfectly nothing wrong with it so I've been lied to so I'd leave him alone, me and my son love him so I've been letting him get away with this for months for the sake of our family but there's only so much someone can take being made to feel invisible or unwanted should I leave for my sake or stay for our sons sake? Am I the one in the wrong for being angry at him for putting all his time into caring for his mam over spending time with his family

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/08/2021 14:51

It sounds like he's left already, lovely. This isn't a relationship. It's you and your son living entirely separate lives to your son's dad.

What's your financial / work / housing situation? What's joint and what is independent from one another?

Crystalvas · 29/08/2021 14:53

Hes shown you and your son are way down on his priority list by lieing to you and not bothering with either of you, only when it suits him. Looking after his mother is no excuse if you love someone you’ll always find a way to see them as well as keeping in contact. The relationships dead in the water time to tell him its over. I hope hes paying you maintenance OP.

GoodnightGrandma · 29/08/2021 14:53

You should never stay for the child’s sake. You deserve to live your life the way you want to, to do the best for your boy.

Kite22 · 29/08/2021 15:09

In what way is this man your "partner" ? Confused

Why don't you live together?
You and his dc are 'his family' now if he wanted that. He is clearly showing you by his actions that he doesn't.
You need to sort out his child contact arrangements and the financial arrangements then get on with living your life as a single parent.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 29/08/2021 15:17

Are you sure he doesn't have another family on the side. This sounds like a strange set up. I

twinningatlife · 29/08/2021 15:31

Why don't you live together? You're not in a Relationship this is a Classic case of out of sight out of mind.

So many threads lately where two people don't live together but decide to have a child together and wonder why it's gone to shit? 🤷‍♀️

nimbuscloud · 29/08/2021 15:33

How come you live separately?
Is he financially supporting you ?

Wolfiefan · 29/08/2021 15:40

Leave? Does he live with you?
This doesn’t sound like a partner. He sounds more like a quite new boyfriend who hadn’t planned to be a father.

insidenumber5 · 29/08/2021 15:51

What? He sees his son less than non resident parents who work away or who live hundreds of miles away? What are you doing? How have your boundaries been so damaged that you are only now beginning to question this situation?

LannieDuck · 29/08/2021 16:21

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship. Does he pay CMS? You should see if he'd be interested in an EOW visitation schedule so at least your son has some consistency.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2021 16:25

I mean this gently but it really doesn’t seem he’s your partner or you’re a family as such. You don’t even live together and have limited contact.

It seems you must have fallen pregnant very quickly into the relationship before you really knew each other then of course pregnancy and babies changes things massively. You’re no longer dating and in the honey moon period.

I don’t know if you’re still romantically involved when you do see him, but I think you can assume he’s no longer your boyfriend. I’m sorry. You need to get the co parenting agreed now.

BigGooseyLucy · 29/08/2021 16:28

Sounds a bit suspicious to me, could he be seeing someone else ?

Rocktheboat87 · 29/08/2021 16:28

I'm sorry to hear you are in this situation. As others have said looks like he has checked out of the relationship.

We all make the things that matter to us most in life priority. I have a friend who when you meet it's exciting but then a month goes by and I suggest we meet again. She knows that I don't work weekends and she does shift work. I don't know when she works so she has all the power. She says she will get back to me but the weeks go by when she said I'll let you know tomorrow. She does have issues in her life but i'm clearly lower down on the priority list.

You either have to convince him to work on things which is unlikely at this point or move on yourself.

It's going to be tough ahead but at some point in the future if you do end things you won't even look back or care about him anymore.

Fireflygal · 29/08/2021 16:32

You have been with your boyfriend 30 months and must have only been together a short while before getting pregnant. It means you don't really know him as it takes at least 2 years for someone to show their real character.

This is him. He lies, isn't a family man and doesn't want to spend time with you or your son. I'm so sorry as no one wants this to be their life but it is now your reality. You have a choice to formally end the relationship or tolerate his behaviour.

He doesn't respect you and that's unlikely to change.

NowEvenBetter · 29/08/2021 16:38

Oh wow, you’d only been dating for a few weeks when he impregnated you, then? This isn’t a relationship, so there’s nothing to ‘leave’. Ensure he’s paying for his child.

katemuff · 29/08/2021 16:49

He's not your partner and he is a poor excuse for a father. Is he supporting his child financially?

Unanananana · 29/08/2021 17:55

How exactly is he a partner? He doesn't contact you or see hisson for days/weeks at a time? Does he give you money to support his child?

I think you are a sidechick I'm afraid. He has another family. Start a claim for CMS and move on with your life.

Original poster
CharlieBearX · 29/08/2021 18:52

I should have worded it better sorry, technically he does live with me as all of he's clothes and stuff is here but hell go to his mam's for a few days to look after her as he's her only carer which I don't mind it's just the lack of communication while he's over there that annoys me I think it's his mam trying to make him stay there away from me cause she's never liked me, I've told him loads of times I'll leave him if it carries on so he sorts his act out for a while says he wants to be here all the time with us but he's worried about how much time he has left with his mam then as soon as mammy texts he's straight back to her its more a case of she won't let him fly the nest while he's juggling his mam and his own family

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieBearX · 29/08/2021 19:01

Everytime I bring it up he'll say how me and our son is his whole world he wants us to be a family and hell get help caring for his mam so he can be here more but it never happens as soon as she clicks her fingers he goes running I'm going to have another talk with him tonight to let him know I'm on my last straw ive already packed his stuff so it's either take your stuff to your mam's and stay out My life or take it back upstairs and work on being the "family man" your apparently want so much to be

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 29/08/2021 19:14

You had barely been together before you got pregnant. No matter what he says his actions are proving he isn’t going to put you and your child first.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/08/2021 19:18

You didn't really know him when you got pregnant.

Now you know him and it turns out he's a rubbish partner.

It's ok to not want to remain in a relationship with a rubbish partner.

Are you perhaps in Ireland? I only say so because of your phrasing. If so I'm unsure of the process for benefits and support so will leave advice to Irish posters but this relationship isn't working out is it? And that's ok. It's ok to stop the relationship and focus on you and your son building an independent life, with his dad as coparent.

Standrewsschool · 29/08/2021 19:24

I wondered whether he is seeing someone else as well. Are you sure it’s his mum that messages him? There’s no excuse not to contact you for weeks on end.

Unanananana · 29/08/2021 19:33

I've told him loads of times I'll leave him if it carries on

You shouldn't need to tell him loads of times. He knows you don't mean it so he'll do as he pleases and you'll still be waiting for him to get back from his girlfriend mammys.

Time to raise your bar for you and your son.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/08/2021 19:35

I've told him loads of times I'll leave him if it carries on

You need to follow through so your son doesn't grow up around this horribly toxic and unhealthy dynamic. You can have a nice, safe, calm and loving home with your son. Not while you're in a relationship / situationship / whatever this is with your sons dad.

Standrewsschool · 29/08/2021 21:14

You’ve told him loads of times you are going to leave, and then don’t. You’re are not carrying through your actions, so he probably dipoesn’t believe you. He knows you’ll be there for when he returns.