Completely blindsided by this, how do I play it?

[Blindsideda]

On the way to see DP of a year. He’s text this morning with dinner plans. I get a text from a close friend with a screenshot of him on a dating app?! She is dating avidly and just come across it.

I don’t get why he’s do this? I feel sick.

@Blindsideda

It’s not about when he was last on it, we both said we’d deactivated it months ago

Ah. So it's not another dating app he's forgotten, it's one he specifically told you he had deactivated.

I'm so sorry, OP.

@TheChip

Could his version of deactivating just be deleting the app? I dont believe that would be the case, but just trying to give the benefit of the doubt.

This, how tech savvy is he?

@Blindsideda

I want to check his phone but if he’s done it recently he’s probably changed the password

Please don't lower yourself enough to do that.

I was on it the other day looking for another app. It would have come up. Also my friend would have seen it sooner as she is always on these apps. It’s come up the last couple of days

To check if he is active you could make a profile (fake obviously - but realistic and ‘someone’ he’d like) and contact him.

If he’s just innocently deleted instead of deactivating it then he won’t respond.

If you're determined to believe he's still on it then turn round and go home then. Why ask us?
Fwiw I've 'deleted' things by uninstalling the apps and forgetting about them.
Only you know if he's worth asking an explanation from, and if he's usually somebody you can trust.
Were you just ranting?

Set up a fake profile and contact him- see if he says he’s single etc

And I’m not sure about other phones...but if he is on a Samsung there is a ‘hidden’ folder that can activated and will have different apps on. It won’t show when you are looking through the phone.

I would just ask him - maybe he thinks you all are just dating and not exclusive partners.

Some OLD sites are notoriously hard to leave! My sister was on one and deleted the app thinking she had deleted her profile. Nope, she was still on it as her male friend let her know (she assumed it was a fake profile). When she downloaded the app again to check she was able to log back into her profile.

Just ask him

Deleting the app doesn’t automatically delete the account, if he used it before then it could easily be his old account.

Well asking him won't really cut it as he would be bound to lie. I'd make an excuse and turn around and go home tonight. Then I would download the app and create a fake profile and catfish ( I think that's what it's called?) him.

Can your friend look again? When I have done OLD, you can see when a member was last active on there. Doesn't sound good though.

I'm pretty sure my profile is still active on POF despite being in a relationship for over four years.
I couldn't figure out how to deactivate so I just deleted the app.
Could be something similar.
You're gonna have to have the conversation.
I hope it's nothing.

I’m sure I’m still on match from 7 years ago. Don’t know what my user name or email I logged into it was to shut it down!

@Imadogcalleddill

If you're determined to believe he's still on it then turn round and go home then. Why ask us? Fwiw I've 'deleted' things by uninstalling the apps and forgetting about them. Only you know if he's worth asking an explanation from, and if he's usually somebody you can trust. Were you just ranting?

Oh do bore off with 'why ask us?'

It's obviously important to OP, people post far more pointless questions on MN all the time.

A friend of mine found me on a dating site from several years ago! I'd completely forgotten about it.

Worth having the conversation - his face will tell you immediately if he's lying.

Set up your own anon profile. Is it it a site where you can see if he's online, like on POF?

Probably just a mistake. I know my tinder and bumble account are still there because I couldn’t be assed to deactivate them I just deleted the apps. Been with my husband for years!

After being together a whole year, I'd ask, especially given what pp have said about it being hard to fully deactivate these apps sometimes.

If it's the well known dating app beginning with B then your account is NOT deleted when you delete the app. The same is true of Match. You have to both delete your profile and delete your payment and then delete the app. That's what's such a pain about it, there's probably lots of not active people on there but the app makers don't care as it makes them look popular!

That might not be the explanation, if he's active on it, but you can't see that on Bumble, so he really could have done only one part of the delete and just not done it properly. I would at least ask for an explanation and go from there.

Ask him

Did you ask him, OP?

It’s definitely true, you have to delete the profile then the app. I created a fake Tinder account to catch my ex out (yup he was on there) and afterwards deleted the app thinking that would be enough. A long while later I went to check out Tinder and once I downloaded the app my fake profile was there. When I found my ex on there I had to see him in person to see his reaction. I showed him the screenshot on my phone and said how do you explain this?