We just had an argument and....

[Alwaysad45]

I suddenly couldnt breath. We were screaming at each other and I noticed I couldnt catch my breath inbetween words. I then had to sit down and felt like my throat was closing up. I couldnt breath at all and was gasping for air. It was so scary. Dp continued to argue with me after I was done. It took me about two scary minutes to catch my breath. What happened?

You need to split.
This is so damaging to your child.

You need to end this relationship and not live under the same roof as an abuser with your baby. It's so, so damaging for them and you have a chance now to make changes while your child is still very young. This is a toxic relationship that is unhealthy and unhappy.

Why are you still with him?

I apologise OP, I didn't realise he was screaming at you first. If he's promised you over and over then I don't think it is going to change. Please look out for yourself. Do you have a relative you can take the baby too?

Thing is I've grown up in an argumentative household so he knows how badly is effects me yet he still choses to do it.

He isnt always like this. But whenever I slightly "upset" or "annoy" him he lashes out on me and blames me for his shouting.

This relationship is nothing but a toxic, abusive nightmare. Your poor child. I'm sorry you're distressed, but you're a parent now, and it is your responsibility to make sure you child doesn't grow up in this environment. You have to get out of this hell.

Thing is I've grown up in an argumentative household so he knows how badly is effects me yet he still choses to do it.

You're repeating the cycle by exposing your daughter to this dynamic.

She will be more likely to replicate it in her own adult relationships the longer she grows up witnessing it.

Surely you can't bear the thought of that?

I have no where I can go

Women’s aid would be a good place to seek advice about leaving.

@PurpleDaisies

Not loving the victim blaming here.

Yes, I apologise OP. I had misunderstood the situation in your original post. This is not your fault and he can control himself, he chooses not to. He doesn't yell at anyone else.

Please be safe

Have you family you can speak to ?
Are you working and have access to money ?

Call Women's Aid and get help.

You can get help with housing - you can't stay with someone abusive it is too damaging for your child.

Are you renting / have a mortgage together? Are you working currently? People can help with resources to help you see you absolutely can break up with him.

What if he broke up with you? You'd have to find somewhere to live wouldn't you? It's just real life.

You must know that so many women have to leave abusive relationships and start again.

It's hard, it's shit but it's vital to protect their kids from ending up with fucked up models of a relationship they then repeat like you have.

If you grew up in an abusive household then you know the damage this will do to your child. You can't stop him behaving like this but you can chose whether you put up with it or whether you leave. I know that's extremely difficult but if you chose to do nothing then nothing will change.

You have to put your child first.

He has left me with the baby yet again. even though he knows I'm struggling to breathe. He just walked out and has been gone for the past hour. So mature

I have already told him if this happens again that's it I'm out. He is meant to start counselling for his anger. I cant and shouldnt do this anymore for the both of us. I want to be happy

What would him being “out” look like? Would you have to make him leave? Would you need to go?

Try and think really specifically about how you would end this relationship. The more times you say it will be over and don’t follow through, the more he will know he can treat you badly with no consequences.

Why on earth would you wait for the next time, when you already know it's coming? Get out now.

Why on earth would you wait until it happens again? This is a shitty and toxic situation. He shouldn’t be shouting and neither should you. It’s not how adults communicate. Find somewhere. Anywhere.

@Alwaysad45

I have already told him if this happens again that's it I'm out. He is meant to start counselling for his anger. I cant and shouldnt do this anymore for the both of us. I want to be happy

You deserve to be happy. I'm not sure you will ever get that with him.

@Alwaysad45

I have no where I can go

What’s your housing/financial situation like?

He is never going to change. And neither are you if you stay with him.

I'm on uc at the moment. I have about under two grand in savings

I live with my partner and his family. I have no leg to stand on

Don’t his family hear him screaming at you?

@PurpleDaisies yes most times.