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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just need to say this because I have no one to tell

38 replies

SorryM · 25/08/2021 23:03

I was sat on the sofa, but I was pretending to be asleep when I heard him coming down the stairs. He woke up to go work, went to the bathroom comes out then says 'you need to call in sick on Friday so I can sleep' i heard him but didn't acknowledge it. What exactly did he want me to reply to that? Anything sensible that would have come out of my mouth would be wrong, so I pretended to be engrossed in the TV. He said it again did you hear me, and repeated the same stupid comment. So I calmly said I heard you. He then muttered something and swore. I asked him why he was swearing at me, his reply 'im not fucking swearing at you, I asked you something so why are you answering back to me rudely'. Even though he was the one who had the threatening tone throughout the whole conversation, start to finish. Because I was questioning why he was swearing, he tells me to 'STFU im on my way to work your starting something', then threw a dinner knife at me in full force I was covered in a thick blanket on the sofa so it hit that, I got up and went upstairs.

I have been at work all day, got home got LO cleaned and changed then took him out as hes been indoors all day, came back vacuumed, cleaned up, fed LO, bathed him and got him ready for bed. By the time I sat down to have my dinner it was half 9.

Im mentally exhausted by his constant up and down

OP posts:
Whysolong7 · 25/08/2021 23:05

Have you thought about leaving? X

nimbuscloud · 25/08/2021 23:06

Would you consider calling the police and reporting the assault?

justyg1970 · 25/08/2021 23:06

You need to call the police and say you and your child are in danger

GoogleWhacked · 25/08/2021 23:07

I'm a bit confused by what actually happened, but whatever it was doesn't sound good. Hope you're OK! It's he usually violent? Abusive? Do you have somewhere to go if you need to leave?

ANameChangeAgain · 25/08/2021 23:08

That's worrying. Has he thrown anything about you in temper before.
Irrelevant really, but what was he on about with not wanting you to work on Friday?

Redshoeblueshoe · 25/08/2021 23:15

Have I got this right ? He doesn't want you to work on Friday, because he doesn't want to look after the DC.
Please think hard about this, because he sounds like a right bastard

Twillow · 25/08/2021 23:18

You sound worn down by this. I'm presuming this incident is not the first. I'm guessing he wants you to call in sick so he doesn't have to look after the LO?
How can we help? I'm sorry you have no-one IRL.

NiceTwin · 25/08/2021 23:21

Is he always like this?
It must be very wearing living in that sort of atmosphere.
Is there anywhere else you and LO can go?

NashvilleQueen · 25/08/2021 23:24

You are being abused. At the moment it's mainly mentally and emotionally but his behaviour tonight should ring a very clear alarm bell that it will become physical at some point.

I would make every possible effort to get out as soon as you can.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 25/08/2021 23:27

Life doesn’t have to be this way.

If you are the only person he takes his temper out on, then he can bite his tongue on future.

We all lose our temper and say things we shouldn’t.

No one should be throwing anything - certainly not knives.

And you probably aren’t just mentally exhausted because you are doing two jobs and he sounds as though he isn’t pulling his weight.

Does he work?

Anordinarymum · 25/08/2021 23:27

Oh OP. I feel so sad for you. Please, please, you have posted this now so we know. He threw a knife intending to hurt you. He is a horrible person.
Can you leave?

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 25/08/2021 23:28

Could you manage on your own? Flowers

TartanJumper · 25/08/2021 23:31

Forget everything else, he threw a knife at you.
You need to consider what you want to do to protect you and your dc now. Because this likely won't stop there.

username34512875 · 25/08/2021 23:33

You deserve better.

thelastgoldeneagle · 25/08/2021 23:34

He threw a knife at you?? Would you tolerate a random bloke off the street throwing a knife at you? No? Then you shouldn't put up with your 'boyfriend' Doing it. He sounds fucking awful.

Can you leave him?

Watchingyouwazowski · 25/08/2021 23:37

This won’t get better. You and your child are worth so much more than this. Think about contacting a domestic abuse charity. They will help you to see the abuse for what it is.

MsDogLady · 25/08/2021 23:58

You and your child are living in an emotionally and physically dangerous home with an abusive, dominating brute. This toxic environment will greatly diminish you and damage your son.

Are you in a position to leave, OP?

Hellotoallmyfans · 26/08/2021 00:03

He threw a knife at you. That is extremely disturbing, what if it had hit you in the eye?

He sounds vile. I would start getting your ducks in a row if you haven't already as he's probably only going to get worse Flowers

Onthedunes · 26/08/2021 00:03

Volotile bastard, a coward who is picking on you.

You don't have to put up with this op, there is another way.

A life where you don't have to be scared.
Ring Women's Aid.

You are so brow beaten you don't even have the confidence to state you are abused.

Time to admit you need help.

Flowers
bluebell34567 · 26/08/2021 00:16

He threw a knife at you. That is extremely disturbing, what if it had hit you in the eye?

thats just unacceptable. op, you have to leave as soon as possible.

SorryM · 26/08/2021 07:36

He works nights and comes home to take care of LO. I have taken on some casual office work till the end of August then I go back to my term time job. He agreed to this. I totally get hes tired because hes getting 5 hours sleep. I have only started this casual work since Monday and before that I've been with LO everyday which has been tiring. partner on the other hand has been working sleeping,gym that's been his routine whilst I've been off. It's been 2 days of me working and he can't handle it.

Hes was due back from work at 7.20 but he still ain back so hes probably taking the piss and will comeback late so I don't go. I'm dreading it because I cant be bothered with the argument. I blocked him last night because I know he would send me some nasty message. I'm gonna have to call him to find out where he is but I cant be bothered with the aggro im gonna get. I'm due in work for 9.

OP posts:
layladomino · 26/08/2021 07:58

He sounds vile. He talks to you like you're beneath him, dirt on his show. He gives you orders (to call in sick - does he want you to lose your job??) as though you are his skivvy. He was happy for you to have the extra job (presumably for the income) but not happy to do his but with your DC. You say he's always up and down.

But, above all of that - he threw a knife at you! Think about that for a moment - if he was in control of his anger, he chose to throw a knife at you. If he wasn't in control, you can't trust that he won't hurt your DC in anger.

You deserve so much better than this specimen. Please make plans to leave.

niceupthedanceagain · 26/08/2021 08:02

I would also think twice about leaving your child with him if he is angry and aggressive.

Aprilx · 26/08/2021 08:24

@SorryM

He works nights and comes home to take care of LO. I have taken on some casual office work till the end of August then I go back to my term time job. He agreed to this. I totally get hes tired because hes getting 5 hours sleep. I have only started this casual work since Monday and before that I've been with LO everyday which has been tiring. partner on the other hand has been working sleeping,gym that's been his routine whilst I've been off. It's been 2 days of me working and he can't handle it.

Hes was due back from work at 7.20 but he still ain back so hes probably taking the piss and will comeback late so I don't go. I'm dreading it because I cant be bothered with the argument. I blocked him last night because I know he would send me some nasty message. I'm gonna have to call him to find out where he is but I cant be bothered with the aggro im gonna get. I'm due in work for 9.

He sounds awful and dangerous and you need to get away. The way he spoke to you is chilling.

But I have to say, if he is working nights, then he shouldn’t be undertaking the childcare during the day as he does need to sleep.

Moonface123 · 26/08/2021 08:46

Such ugly behaviour.
You and your LO would better off on your own, without this awful atmosphere, behaviour and negatively.
You sound a lovely Mum, you don't need this, have a long hard think about what he actually brings to your life.
It doesn't have to be this way.