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Original poster

Is it normal to be so grumpy over a meal/takeaway error?

48 replies

Keepgoing88 · 25/08/2021 08:41

So last night on holiday I got my husband the wrong meal from takeaway, not completely wrong but nonetheless not what he wanted. He was massively grumpy about it, I said sorry, but he basically gave me grumpy silent treatment all evening. It just makes me sad seems not normal to get to upset over meal that wasn’t 100% what he wanted ;< this has happened before and it just gets me down , if I acted like he did about this he would no way stand for it

OP posts:

KingdomScrolls · 25/08/2021 08:50

The sulking isn't ok, but if I had said to DH I'd l like haddock and chips please and he brought me back a pie and chips I'd be irritated because he clearly hadn't listened to me.

Shoxfordian · 25/08/2021 08:55

Sulking is never ok

Sundancerintherain · 25/08/2021 08:56

No, not ok.

GoodGrief100 · 25/08/2021 09:02

Yuk. My ex boyfriend did this when I said I wasn't going to cook him another roast dinner a couple of weeks before Christmas so he'd have to do without. He gave me the silent treatment for a few days. I packed his bags. I would point out how unattractive his behaviour is.

NameChangeNamaste · 25/08/2021 09:08

Is he normally like this?

PaddyPadster · 25/08/2021 09:09

I can get grumpy over food. If we agree on an Indian takeaway then later that evening everyone decides to have a Chinese instead that would make me grumpy because I’ll have been looking forward to it all day. I’m a healthy bmi but I am greedy with food and have to have 3 meals per day or I get grumpy too. My life revolves around my next meal. I would probably be annoyed if DH ordered the wrong thing for me too (although that would never happen because I do all the ordering anyway).

NameChangeNamaste · 25/08/2021 09:10

To add, if he’s got form then it’s really not a question about this incident… speaks to his inability to deal with his feelings and clearly he thinks it’s ok to punish you. You know it’s not on.

Original poster

Keepgoing88 · 25/08/2021 09:11

He does get like this quite a bit. For example he’s just come down from a lie in and I’ve had 3 kids , he got his breakfast and then went to eat it in garden. On his way out he said can you plug DS phone in, I hadn’t done it after 5 mins of him asking as I’m just having my breakfast and he sarcastically says ‘don’t do it then’ when he sees I haven’t done it. I just feel a bit sad and trapped to be honest. Got three young kids own a house together and I have little of my own money as I only work part time

OP posts:

UserStillatLarge · 25/08/2021 09:12

Depends - a takeaway is a rare treat for me, so if someone had got the wrong thing I'd be upset (but not sulk all evening). However, if this is part of a pattern (the person never listens to what I say; they think they know what I want better than I do and I'd tried to talk to them before), I might well resort to going off and not talking. I should add that I also would avoid spending time with this type of person as I don't like behaving like this, so if a partner, we would be breaking up!

frazzledasarock · 25/08/2021 09:12

You said this has happened before. So he always punishes you for mistakes?

Was the food something he absolutely doesn’t like? I’d be upset if I was really hungry and looking forward to a takeaway and DH came home with a different dish to the one I was expecting. I wouldn’t sulk about it though if it was an honest mistake.

How do you envision your future with your H?

frazzledasarock · 25/08/2021 09:14

@Keepgoing88

OK. I’d start looking into upping my income and start an escape fund.

Couldn’t live like that.

EL8888 · 25/08/2021 09:15

Are they his children? From the posts you have done then he sounds selfish and childish. Re the takeaway then next time he can order it

Original poster

Keepgoing88 · 25/08/2021 09:16

It was slightly different than what he wanted. I don’t know I just feel sad, it’s a common theme, I just feel trapped. I have wanted to leave before but he’s always said he will fight to have the kids, they are the only thing worth anything in my life and I couldn’t bear to lose them. Logically there is no reason me would get custody and I know I would have to share but sometimes I just dream of a better life for me

OP posts:

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 25/08/2021 09:16

Sulking is pretty childish. Though I was rather pissed off when dh good a seafood pizza with tuna on once to share when he knows perfectly well I hate tuna. Them being hungry and low blood sugared I was possibly rather irrational.

Original poster

Keepgoing88 · 25/08/2021 09:16

No reason he would get custody I mean!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Keepgoing88 · 25/08/2021 09:17

See if someone got me the wrong takeaway (it has happened in the past) I might be a bit like oh poo! But I would still about it for more than like a few mins !

OP posts:

WeatherwaxOn · 25/08/2021 09:19

Is this just the tip of the iceberg, OP?
You say it's a common theme and you feel trapped.
How old are the children? How does his behaviour affect them?

myheartskippedabeat · 25/08/2021 09:21

@Keepgoing88

Try to enjoy the holiday as best you can and if he gets up late just go out with the kids and leave him a note he can join you when he eventually surfaces

The takeaway thing and his general attitude sounds like a big red flag to me if I'm perfectly honest.

Get thru the week, get home and start making plans to leave you deserve better ❤️

Beefcurtains79 · 25/08/2021 09:23

How different was it? Some people can get upset about food quite easily.
The phone thing sounds bad though, did you ask why he couldn’t do it? Since you were already eating your breakfast?

bloodywhitecat · 25/08/2021 09:26

"if I acted like he did about this he would no way stand for it"

And there is your answer. No, it is not acceptable and it is not normal to give someone the silent treatment over a mistake especially when an apology has been given.

Ozanj · 25/08/2021 09:28

I would be upset if my DH kept getting my takeaway order wrong. Especially if he didn’t listen to other things too or dismissed my feelings as ‘minor’. It’s not minor when this becomes a habit.

mafted · 25/08/2021 09:37

I was going to post that this could be the breaking point after a long period of feeling ignored or undervalued.
However it sounds like it's a breaking point for you OP does he often behave unreasonably?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/08/2021 09:38

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Men like this always bang on about fighting to have the kids; they know its the woman's achilles heel. He is not really interested in these children either; he is using them here as a weapon/threat/punishment against you to keep you in line.

How else can you be helped here into leaving this man?. There are many red flags re this man and you have stated repeatedly that you feel trapped. You are not though as trapped as you think you are. You are married to this man and thus have rights in law; I would exercise those fully when you return from holiday.

You apologised and he gave you the grumpy and silent treatment in return. This is indeed emotional abuse.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. Would you want this sort of relationship for them too, no you would not and its not good enough for you either.

GreenWhiteViolet · 25/08/2021 09:39

Depends on the circumstances. I was very grumpy with someone over a takeaway once - I asked for X, he came back with Y and said 'but you always have X and I thought you'd like to have something new'. No, if I wanted to have something new I'd have asked for it!

A simple mistake I'd feel annoyed about if the food I got was something I didn't like, but I know I'd be unreasonable to show it so would do my best not to. Being overtly sulky in that circumstance wouldn't be okay.

Original poster

Keepgoing88 · 25/08/2021 09:39

The oil light of the car has gone on and he is refusing to do anything about it so I’m going to have to sort this out , thanks everyone for your messages im just sad and crying upstairs on my own but I guess work needs doing! Maybe I’m just being a martyr

OP posts:

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