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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stalker or am i over reacting?

59 replies

AntisocialAnna · 24/08/2021 16:17

Hey, so this is just a quick one but I was unsure how to feel about this.

A guy that I went to school with almost 30 years ago got re-in contact via social media, he was never someone that I spoke to often but we were in the same year at school.

It started off as a genuine catch-up which I was okay with but it eventually led to him suggesting we meet up, he came on VERY strong and kept saying he had always had a crush on me and that he had thought of me quite often during the past years.

I'm not looking to date right now and if I'm honest I'm really just not interested in him at all in that way so I just politely let him down and said that I'm not interested in taking this any further than friends and that I completely understand if he wants to end the conversation here.

At the time he sort of joked around that "no right now doesn't mean no forever" which I told him that, it certainly does and again that I'm not looking to take this further, he apologized and said he understood and was happy to be friends.

However, he has popped up quite frequently since then, if I'm being completely honest, very regularly. With no exaggeration, he is the very first person to comment or message within seconds about anything that I post.

I am always polite and I make sure that I am not being too over-friendly so that I don't give the wrong impression, I think I may even come across as rude in my blunt replies but I can tell from the messages he is overly keen and is still trying, even after I told him clearly I wasn't interested.

Regardless, he doesn't seem to be getting the hint, most of the time I don't even respond to him because he messages so much and I would have continued to do that but we've had some turn of events since then which have left me feeling a little troubled.

Last week I received an odd message from him, asking if he had just seen me, somewhere local to where we both live. Neither of us has swapped addresses, but in our catch up it was mentioned that we are both still in the area where we went to school, so I don't think this is as bizarre?

Anyway, I said no, as it wasn't me and he made a joke and said "Oh I will have to keep looking then" to which I read and didn't respond because he's flirting makes me feel very awkward, especially after I've told him I'm not interested.

I came home from work earlier today, which no one apart from myself and work knew about. I've only been home about two hours and I had a knock at the front door, it was a flower delivery. All the note said was "I hope these make you smile xxx". I was completely bemused as I hadn't a clue who sent them. Until I receive a message on Instagram from the guy asking me if I liked the flowers.

I asked him if it was him who sent them and he said yes. To which I asked where he had got my address from, he responded saying he asked someone that I knew and that it was just a gesture to make me smile. I have read this but haven't responded.

I find this hard to believe because I have a VERY small circle and by small I mean one very close friend. I asked her and she said she definitely hadn't spoken to him and that if he would have asked, she would never have given my information out.

I am completely clueless as to who else he could have asked as I keep myself to myself and I am very private. But where else could he have got my address from?

I don't know, this situation just made me feel very uneasy because even if it is innocent, he clearly doesn't respect boundaries.

Do I just block and hope he goes away or do I need to more sternly re-instate my boundaries?

OP posts:
SheldonesqueGoddessOfTheMoonah · 24/08/2021 22:03

Beyond creepy.

Absolutely log it.

dopeyduck · 24/08/2021 22:19

I think you need to report this to the police.

dopeyduck · 24/08/2021 22:23

You want 101 though not 111 - 111 is the NHS number

layladomino · 25/08/2021 12:06

Don't hesitate to be clear and unapologetic. And keep records of all communications.

It isn't too hard to find someone's address online - I've had cause to find out an address in the past (nothing creepy, but some mail that was wrongly delivered, the occupants of the 'right' (similar) address had recently moved with no forwarding address, but the mail was clearly very important. It took me about half an hour to find the new address using 192.

Sitchervice · 25/08/2021 16:34

How did it go?

KindChick · 25/08/2021 21:39

Please please get a camera doorbell thing - they are not expensive
Make sure your social media settings are all private so he cannot view your social media at all
Speak to the police for guidance, they will be aware also if he has form for this.
Keep a note /screenshots of his contact as evidence

colouringindoors · 25/08/2021 22:00

Lots of good advice here. Hope you're ok OP Flowers

Boredmotherofone · 25/08/2021 22:47

@AntisocialAnna Are you ok OP? I'm a little worried now.....

colouringindoors · 26/08/2021 22:06

@AntisocialAnna please just let us know you're ok.

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