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Original poster

What would you do if you bumped into the OW?

45 replies

Sealsun · 24/08/2021 08:57

This happened to me yesterday. It was inevitable really since we live in the same locality but, even so, it shook me a bit :(.

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 24/08/2021 09:36

Oh I remember this happening as clear as day. What happened when you saw her?

In my case, ow and ex worked together and I needed to go to his workplace for something or other.

We sort of bumped into one another so I had no to time to react. I had played the scenario out in my head so many times. Of course it did not go the way I had intended. I tried to do an avoid but I could not, so I thought, fuck her, and I greeted her by means of a head nod. She did the same and then proceeded to look down her nose at me (she is taller than me). And then I turned around and merrily said, 'have a great day' all happily and smiley. Then I dashed to the car and just burst into tears......and I just could not stop shaking.

It was definitely one of those moments that took me by surprise, but I think I reacted better then, than I had planned to if/when I saw her.

I did feel very silly though, he had left me for her and I thought I was done shedding tears about him. I needed it though. It was like a hot poker to the stomach, but the 'first meet' if you like was then done. I try very hard to avoid her still, as she is just not a nice person, so I would have avoided her anyway....

Original poster
Sealsun · 24/08/2021 09:50

@isthismylifenow it sounds like you handled that with great dignity. I’m sorry you’ve had the experience though,

Nothing happened! Like you, I’d planned what I’d say or do if I ever bumped into her but it took me by surprise, I’d nipped into the local shop and we almost literally bumped into each other as I rounded the corner of an aisle, We just looked briefly at each other and that was it! But I did spend the rest of the evening crying :(.

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 24/08/2021 10:06

[quote Sealsun]@isthismylifenow it sounds like you handled that with great dignity. I’m sorry you’ve had the experience though,

Nothing happened! Like you, I’d planned what I’d say or do if I ever bumped into her but it took me by surprise, I’d nipped into the local shop and we almost literally bumped into each other as I rounded the corner of an aisle, We just looked briefly at each other and that was it! But I did spend the rest of the evening crying :(.[/quote]
It does throw you off kilter that is for sure.

And it sets off emotions all over again. I hope that you are feeling a little better today. But, now the first bump into / meet is done. I found that one to be the hardest. (I still only do the head nod but I do not offer her wishes for a happy day..)

Not that long ago one of my close friends phoned me in a bit of a fluster. She too had bumped into the OW in the supermarket. She phoned me and it was part cry part laugh. She was a few people behind her in the queue to pay and she said she was not leaving the queue, but all she could focus on was that her hair at the back was like birds nest. We need to do what we need to do to get through a moment, so we refer to her as birds nest head now.... (i am usually team woman but I also don't take kindly to ow in general, so am happy to support my friend with that reference).

Marineboy67 · 24/08/2021 10:22

I met the 'other bloke' who had been a friend at one time. Didn't go well, he was filling his car up at the same time as myself 25 years ago. After a brief exchange of words I ended up swinging for him. Police were called and I ended up in the cell for a few hours. He didn't press charges but I felt wretched about the whole event for months.
No good come of it, and what happened with him and my ex was still there!

Sideorderofchips · 24/08/2021 11:28

Ignore her. She's not worth my time or effort.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 24/08/2021 11:34

It’s been 25 years and he’s no longer with us, but I saw her the other day. I said loudly to DSis - that woman looks just J who H had an affair with.
She looked somewhat embarrassed.

Stigofthedump40 · 24/08/2021 12:29

Whats all this head nodding? I would be gunning for her.. not very dignified but id sure feel better

isthismylifenow · 24/08/2021 12:54

@Stigofthedump40

Whats all this head nodding? I would be gunning for her.. not very dignified but id sure feel better
That was the plan. Along with a speech about her being a dirty skank etc etc. All I was able to muster was a head nod and a very fake greeting.
Mintjulia · 24/08/2021 12:56

Look straight through her.

Who? She's beneath contempt and certainly beneath your notice.

isthismylifenow · 24/08/2021 12:56

@Stigofthedump40

Whats all this head nodding? I would be gunning for her.. not very dignified but id sure feel better
And now, she is not worth my time or angst to receive anything more than a head nod.
TangledTrees · 24/08/2021 13:03

I’d look her up and down and smirk at her dismissively. Or ask her if her husband ever found out -yet-

Dazedandconfused10 · 24/08/2021 13:38

I asked her if she'd ruined any other marriages lately or was it just mine Grin

Gensola · 24/08/2021 13:42

Ignore/pretend I didn't see her Blush

isthismylifenow · 24/08/2021 13:45

Take a big sigh of relief that she is now the one dealing with all the ex's shit....

Muchmorethan · 24/08/2021 13:45

I insisted on meeting the OW after XH left as we had young DC. I wanted to make them both squirm.... but also show the DC that everything was not ok and we could all not be "friends".

Unfortunately XH didn't give me any warning that he was bringing OW with him when dropping the DC home after a visit..... and l met her wearing my grey teddy onsie...

I really rocked those teddy bear ears....

JeSuisPrest · 24/08/2021 14:00

OW contacted me and I met her for a coffee, so it wasn't sprung on me and I had time to prepare and compose myself. By that stage I wouldn't have pissed on STBXH if he was on fire (was not his first affair) so I didn't have anything to lose, the marriage was over, fool me once and all that.

She was a colleague of his so I had already met her at social events. We both said what he was telling each of us - it was the usual "I'm in a loveless marriage, we're just housemates, more a brother/sister relationship". Absolute bullshit obviously. It took the wind out of her sails when I told her his last affair was with one of her workmates which she knew nothing about. I threw him out, he went to live with her, she lasted a year then binned him as well. 4 years on, he's more miserable than ever and I've never been happier. Revenge truly is a life well lived.

DiamondBright · 24/08/2021 14:05

The OW was too scared to come near me or DD and quite literally ran away on the one occasion we were both in the same place.

OrchestraOfWankery · 24/08/2021 14:09

@Dazedandconfused10

I asked her if she'd ruined any other marriages lately or was it just mine Grin
Your cheating husband ruined your marriage.
Mysticguru · 24/08/2021 16:12

I laughed and thought poor fucker!!

SarahBellam · 24/08/2021 16:19

In my case it was am OM. I thanked him for taking DH off my hands.

IWantT0BreakFree · 24/08/2021 16:31

Your cheating husband ruined your marriage.

Well he wasn't there, was he? She was confronted with the OW who may not have been married to her but certainly behaved appallingly and contributed to her pain and suffering. It's perfectly OK and valid for betrayed spouses to also be angry with the OW/OM.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 24/08/2021 16:36

I think you're allowed to be angry at both. XH's present wife knew exactly what she was up to, playing for a married man, and she's welcome to him! I did once meet her and I just ignored her completely, after I'd greeted everyone.

Thewookiemustgo · 24/08/2021 22:00

In my head it’s a bit like the final scenes of The Handmaid’s Tale, 😂 but in reality I’d ignore. Far better to keep my dignity. She doesn’t deserve a second of my headspace.

Onthedunes · 24/08/2021 22:45

I was stood talking to someone else as she walked past.

I kept my eyes on her, burning a metaphorical hole in her head, she scuttled off with her head bowed looking at the floor the whole time.

I wanted her to look me in the eye.

Dazedandconfused10 · 24/08/2021 22:49

@OrchestraOfWankery he did, but she was my friend. Or I thought she was. She knew us as couple, socialised with us as a couple so knew exactly what she was doing. She wasn't some unknown woman.