Friend cancelled plans & won't reimburse me

[mooneus]

Hi all

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this to see if I'm right to be annoyed. So me and my friends had tickets to an event this weekend. I had paid for these. We didn't reach any agreement on her paying me back as she earns less than me and I would be happy to take a few drinks as payment back. However yesterday her boyfriend tested positive for covid, which meant she needed to get a PCR test done too. She still hadn't received her results by this morning and said she can't make it - fair enough, just the unfortunate times we are currently living in. But I then mentioned the tickets and what I should do. All she said was 'Yeah, not really sure what you can do about that'. There was no sorry or her even offering to pay for her ticket.

Obviously in hindsight now I should have asked her to pay me back as soon as I bought the tickets. But I just think it's rude and ungrateful that she didn't even seem bothered that I was out of pocket.

We're good friends and I don't want this to drive a wedge between us. But it is a bit annoying that she didn't seem to give a flying f**k that I lost out. She even went on to to say 'well my boyfriend had something booked and he's missed out' - and I was thinking sarcastically 'well that makes everything ok then'.

Would welcome some thoughts.

So had you both gone to the event you would not be seeking full payment from this friend? What has changed now? Would it be different if she’d broken her leg or some such? She obviously saw the tickets as a gift because you didn’t clarify her liability at the outset. Just give them / sell them to someone else and move on and next time make it clear you want to be paid back when you buy tickets for another (if indeed you do)

Hmmm...I think probably because you didn't set the expectation pre cancellation re payment or none, she technically doesn't really owe you.

I think the issue is more about the fact she doesn't seem that bothered you're out of pocket. Maybe she thinks you are able to take someone else instead ?

Next time (if there is one) be clear if it's a gift or payment is required.

Can you ask someone else to come? I'd text her to say the ticket cost £X and see what she replies with though I doubt you'll get the money from her. Lesson learned - never, ever pay upfront for anything for anyone. Always get the money first and even if it's a thing that tickets were sold out by the time you try to book, you can just give the money back.

Take someone else or go without

I don't think she is in the wrong to be honest. You didn't make clear the ticket wasn't a gift (in fact, you mention she earns less and say you'd be happy if she bought some drinks in return, which suggests you weren't bothered). Since presumably you are / were in a position to offer the ticket to another friend or sell it, I think you need to suck it up. Be clearer another time.

I think she's being cheeky. Possibly she thinks someone else would take her spot but that's a presumption on her part.

I would've offered you the money for my ticket (or potentially both tickets, actually, due to the circumstances) but if you bought the ticket as a gift and weren't expecting her to pay for it I don't really see your issue.

If someone buys a ticket for you, you pay them back, end of, that's just a shitty thing to do to you and expect you to pay for her ticket is taking the mucky out of you, treat it as a lesson learnt, allways get payment up front before buying tickets, don't accept any of thia I'll pay you on the day or I'll buy you some drinks as in my experience it never happens

If you wanted to be paid for the ticket, you should have discussed it at the time.

She clearly thought you were paying (as did you it seems!), so why would she think of paying only if she doesn't go? That makes no sense.

I'd be cross at the waste if she were just being flaky, but that's not the case here. YABU!

She should definitely offer to pay. I have a friend who does all the organising/buying tickets and she is always out of pocket in situations like this.

"Friend cancelled plans & won't reimburse me"

But why do you expect her to reimburse when you never told her to pay for the tickets in the first place? In her eyes, the tickets were a gift from you and her reasons for cancelling are valid and out of her control.

Of course she is being a CF. The correct form in this situation is to apologise for letting the OP down and to immediately offer to pay for the tickets. The OP can the tell friend not to worry about it (especially if friend is genuinely apologetic and money is tight) but is is MASSIVELY rude of friend not to offer. Gobsmacked that anyone could think differently.

I think her mentioning her bf missing out on what he booked was her way of saying, well something more serious has cropped up. She most likely didn't give a hoot at that particular moment about the tickets, as she's probably worried about them both.

If you were willing to receive a drink in payment then I think I'd let it go, if you wanted payment you should have asked earlier but I think the time has passed.

Personally I would have offered money but if she's short on money then maybe arranging days out that cost should be cut back on.

It is very simple, you let this one go and never ever pay something on her behalf in advance.

Being short of money is not you problem is hers, she needs to decide what she can afford before asking friends to pay for her.

If someone buys a ticket for you, you pay them back, end of

Rubbish. If a friend offers to treat, with no expectation of payment, why would you offer to pay for a ticket. It’s no different to any other gift.

She's being a CF and should pay. I feel she probably knows this aswell (who wouldn't?!). I'd message and say "Ok, you haven't mentioned it but I paid for both tickets so will need you to refund me for yours seeing as you can't come. You can take it up later with the organisers for a refund from them if you want. My bank details are ..."

I wouldn't be buying anything in the future without the money upfront.

Find someone else to go with?

She's a bit rude but maybe she just can't afford to pay for the ticket? Can you take someone else? Is it worth falling out over?

When people don’t pay for something I find they often don’t value it. I used to run a business and if I did work for friends or family for cost price they would complain it was too expensive, even though I provided a service for free and they were only paying the cost of the end product without any mark up. I think you agreed to pay whether she goes or not so there isn’t a come back. Hopefully you can find someone else to go with you.

had you told her you weren't expecting payment?

The complication is you wouldn’t have asked for payment if she’d used the ticket, which was a mistake anyway. Do stuff you can both afford to pay for.

She’s not going to pay you back, you weren’t clear about her paying for it when you booked, so let it slide and don’t offer to sub her in future.

Because you said you didnt expect payment she probably thinks she doesn't need to pay you back. And the Covid thing isnt really her fault. I would let it go but wouldnt pay again in advance for anything for her. Let her pay her own way in future.

Sell them on.
Still time!

But why didn’t you go with someone else?

Seems a bit tight to expect her to pay the ticket when you could still take someone else.. that'd be her paying for a randomers night out.

Dunno really, I wouldn't expect my friend to pay.