Don’t know if I fancy him or not?? Help!!

[HateJudgmentalPeople]

I am currently in the perimenopause and there is a man that I’ve just started dating, he is okay but I don’t know if I fancy him or not, and I don’t understand how in the hell I don’t know, is it just my hormones or what?! He isn’t the best kisser and this makes me think he will be awful at oral, my friend said show him the right way but he is 43 and I’m 40, he is too old to have to be shown and I’m finding it a turn off, also I’ve been dating him for just over a month and I’m not really feeling it, or am I damn hormones screwing me up, with every other man then the attraction has been there instantly and I’ve liked kissing them, but with this one then I can’t wait until the kiss stops, he is always dehydrated and it’s disgusting having to kiss a dry mouth, we went for a walk a couple of weeks ago with his dog and I got us a small bottle of water each from the shop, he finished it yet kissing was still awful, I also zone out when he speaks and he is way more fun when he is drunk, this doesn’t bode well does it?!

I am unsure if this in right section.

I did once meet one man who was a terrible kisser but amazing at sex. But it was only a one night stand so it didn't matter, and I think it's important. Kissing is really important to me in a relationship.

You don't sound in the least attracted to him. It happens, you don't have to force it.

@PermanentTemporary

I did once meet one man who was a terrible kisser but amazing at sex. But it was only a one night stand so it didn't matter, and I think it's important. Kissing is really important to me in a relationship.

You don't sound in the least attracted to him. It happens, you don't have to force it.

I feel like I should like him though because he is unlike most men I’ve dated, He is a nice guy and is always complimenting me but it’s annoying me!! I think I’m just bored in life and he is a filler in of time..yeah I should probably just tell him I’m not really attracted to him enough to keep seeing him, I’m also still in love with an emotionally unavailable man, daft cow that I am

Great that he's nice. Trying to force the wrong jigsaw piece in never works x

Yeah I think you are correct, it’s not my hormones at all, it’s just I don’t like him in that way!

If you don't know then the answer is no.

But you might be more attracted to him if you were able to have a good ol' snog.

Yes maybe but I can’t wait to stop kissing him! We had a kiss one day and my lips were stinging afterwards due to his dehydration, it was yucky, like he had been drinking the whole night before!! He also takes too long to finish a story so the point of it being funny etc, gets missed due to him just going on and on, it’s not normal to be annoyed this much so early on is it?! he is also one of those types of people who asks “are you sure, are you sure” over and over!

Why are you not sure?? Sounds awful but I'm assuming there are some redeeming features?

He has some redeeming features yes, but he is more fun when he is drunk which doesn’t bode well and I zone out a fair bit when he speaks and he hasn’t made me laugh once! In just over a month

I’m not all that excited about meeting up with him, I’m just pleased to be getting out of the house and he txts me everyday and sometimes I see his text and think “you again, fuck off” but I’m just so unsure of my feelings lately for most things, I am just not myself atm.

Release him into the wild, hes not for you!

Yes I think so! He lives close to me so hopefully we can be mates.

'you again, fuck off'

That bit could be hormone related, if you actually liked him lol.

Nah he's not for you, I'm getting ick now.

It's the mention of the potentially dry oral.

That plus hormones would not be good!

Yes dry oral is what I’m afraid of and I’ve had so much bad sex in my 20s and 30s and it’s not me that doesn’t know what to do and I’m fucked if I’m putting up with bad oral bad sex in my 40s, no way!! 🤣🤣 it’s also the “are you sure” thing when I say yes or no to something, like I’m not a 40 year old that knows what she wants, like if I’m sure if I don’t want juice, erm yes I’m positive!!

If you don't like kissing him, you are not attracted.

Stop trying to make it work, he may be a lovely guy, but he's not for you.

Next!

Yeah I have no interest in sex anyway so what’s the point and I think I’m trying to make it fit because he is a decent person but it’s not fair on either of us, I’ll tell him today when he texts me “good morning” sigh

@HateJudgmentalPeople

Yeah I have no interest in sex anyway so what’s the point and I think I’m trying to make it fit because he is a decent person but it’s not fair on either of us, I’ll tell him today when he texts me “good morning” sigh

I was wondering this, im perimenopausal too and CBA with sex anymore!

I keep thinking of oral though but I have no interest in sex at all, there ain’t nothing going in there except a tampon haha

You definitely don’t fancy him.

Yeah if you're not feeling it you're not feeling it.

I was dating a lad for a bit last year that looked like harry styles with tattoos. But he was a not a good kisser and it just put me off. I couldn't figure out what was what for a while as he was obviously attractive. But he just wasn't doing it for me.

Sometimes the chemistry/compatability just isn't there. No point trying to force it.

@Pinkbonbon

Yeah if you're not feeling it you're not feeling it.

I was dating a lad for a bit last year that looked like harry styles with tattoos. But he was a not a good kisser and it just put me off. I couldn't figure out what was what for a while as he was obviously attractive. But he just wasn't doing it for me.

Sometimes the chemistry/compatability just isn't there. No point trying to force it.

I wouldn’t say I don’t fancy him because he is good looking and looks like he has a nice body under his clothes and he is pretty great, caring, understanding, I can say anything to him, well maybe except for I hate the way you kiss so can you perhaps drink the recommended amount of water for adult males please ...I am not repulsed by him or anything, no way am I, I simply just don’t like his dehydration and I think the smaller nightly stuff is my chaotic hormones! He has been great about that too.

He is genuinely what lots of women seem to want here on MN, I don’t mean the kissing of course but he is a good guy, I’m just irritable more than normal just now and I’m just not me, and nor have I been for nearly a year.

This was actually meant for the PP that said I don’t fancy him!

Also similar nightly stuff should read similar niggly stuff

Good god, I've got the ick from your description of him, so I can't imagine how you must feel. In the early stages, yiu shouldn't getting irritated by every little thing he does, hormones or no. Are you sure you even want a relationship, or do you just feel like it's what you ought to want?

@TourneeDuChatNoir

Good god, I've got the ick from your description of him, so I can't imagine how you must feel. In the early stages, yiu shouldn't getting irritated by every little thing he does, hormones or no. Are you sure you even want a relationship, or do you just feel like it's what you ought to want?

I am assuming you’re nowhere near the perimenopause stage or else you wouldn’t be saying “you shouldn’t get irritated by every little thing he does, hormones or no”, erm that’s exactly what hormones make you do, they totally screw with you and you don’t know whether you’re coming or going, or at least I don’t and we are all different that way and so it’s a pretty idiotic thing to say from another woman, or you’re a man! you’re kind of minimising the issues with perimenopause and that makes me mad in itself! Haha.

Also I never said every little thing he does, I said a couple of things and I do think it’s my hormones, he is dehydrated, his breath doesn’t stink or anything, water will fix this but I don’t know if I’ll say anything or not.

It’s also nowhere near a relationship, we have been on more than a few dates in just over a month so not a relationship, I don’t think about relationships like this, like “I want/don’t want a man just now”, the way I see it then it’s about how I feel when I may meet that someone, or it is for me anyway. I have rushed every other relationship I’ve had and they didn’t last so this time it’s all slow, we have no labels and we are just getting to know one another.

All I know for sure is that he likes me!

I just do not know but I know that I will feel the slightest bit of sadness if I tell him that I don’t want to keep dating him, my intuition says he would be a great partner.

I'm in perimenopause stage myself, so I understand perfectly well what it's like, thanks. I in no way intended to downplay its effects but from your previous posts it just sounded like he was irritating the shit out of you and personally, I couldn't be bothered with that, whether it was because of my hormones changing or not. Perimenopause can last for years, so this might be the new you for the time being. Does everyone annoy you in that way or is it just him (and me)?