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Relationships

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Original poster

Bf 3am melt down over milk

33 replies

Puggyhuggys · 21/08/2021 03:28

Hi I’m new so apologies if I make any mistakes in formatting this.

Abit of context…me and my partner have been to their for 8 years. Me female 28 yo I work 39 hours over 5 days
My partner 39 years works 36 hours over 3 days doing 7pm to 7am shifts, he also goes a weekend job which is 6 hours sat and sun 7pm to 1am.
Now the 7pm to 7am job is new. He has been working the job for about 3 weeks the other job he has had for about 3 years. Before this he was in employed due to sickness.
I have always worked full time since we started dating.
Now we’ve been fine with each other for the last few weeks, no arguments but tonight he came home and wanted to make a cup of tea, when he seen there was no milk he went off on one. Started shouting at me that I do nothing in the house and I’m lazy and dirty and that I have all the time in the word todo chores and he expects them done. Now he was doing this in front of his new colleague and wouldn’t listen to me when I told him we should speak later. He was bringing up everything and anything and would only let it be once I shut the door and told him to stop as he’d wake everyone up.
Now I don’t know how to address this. I don’t want to let it slip but also don’t want to get into another big argument. Due to our working hours we don’t see each other often now.
Any advice of how to handle something like this is appreciated

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2021 03:36

Well, that would spell the end for me.

Hungry675tf · 21/08/2021 03:38

Leave him. It won't get better

ClaryFairchild · 21/08/2021 03:39

A simple " if you EVER talk to me like that again it will be the last thing you ever get to say to me because I will be leaving" should probably cover it.

HollowTalk · 21/08/2021 03:40

Time for him to go.

Member589500 · 21/08/2021 03:45

Well it sounds like you have a lot more of this ahead of you.
A disrespectful boyfriend you will hardly see.
So you have been working triple the number of hours he has for some years and now he’s working long hours there’s some resentment in him and you are the target. I think it’s worrying he had a go in front of the colleague and in the street in the early hours. Shows a lack of self control and a disregard for others. I assume he hasn’t been drinking.
What does he bring to your life? You sound a bit dispassionate about him.
Hope you’re OK.

Marty13 · 21/08/2021 03:53

Yeah that would be a deal breaker for me. It'd take some serious grovelling before I considered giving him a second chance.

1forAll74 · 21/08/2021 04:29

You both need to learn to live in harmony with each other. Or if this is the usual temperament of your partner.he needs to change, or go elsewhere.

QueenBee52 · 21/08/2021 04:43

pack his stuff... when he's out getting Milk 🌸

custardbear · 21/08/2021 05:04

If this is something you've had before then time to leave. If it's never happened in the many years you've been together I'd say there's something wrong.
Is also tell him it was unacceptable and that's his first abs final warning ... unless he's done it before, then he's out!

Tiramiwho · 21/08/2021 05:31

No going back from this OP. It can't be unsaid the next day
Wonder if his new colleague was thinking he is an unreasonable bastard too?

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 21/08/2021 06:01

Can’t believe you are even thinking of ways to sort this out. He expects it done. That part of the sentence would have lit me up like a bonfire. Fucking expects it done. And he thinks it’s ok to talk to you like that in front of his new colleague. Sounds like he is just showing off, like a stupid little boy. Ugh
You want some advice on how to handle the situation?
Leave!!

Notimefor · 21/08/2021 06:07

What a dick.. tell him to jog on

Bananalanacake · 21/08/2021 07:32

Could you have a relationship with him without living together. Then he can buy his own milk.

Mimzical · 21/08/2021 09:03

Has he behaved like this before? if the shifts are new then he could be finding it tough so is in a grump and the milk was an outlet for it so if this is the first time he has behaved like this after 8 years then be very clear his behaviour is completely unacceptable and you will not tolerate this again. If this is a regular occurrence then he is not a healthy person to be around and you deserve better.

SStopRaisingHim · 21/08/2021 09:06

@QueenBee52

pack his stuff... when he's out getting Milk 🌸

100%

BeachDrifting · 21/08/2021 09:50

I don’t understand. You’re on here trying to find ways to solve the problem. Is he on here asking how he can apologise? No. Why is this your problem to solve? You did nothing wrong. He’s laid into you. He laid into you in a disgusting way in front of a stranger. It’s vile. It’s disgusting. It’s unacceptable. It means you text him and say “this relationship is now over. You are disgusting talking to me like that. Never speak to me again”. And then mean it. He’s done. Finished. Have more respect for yourself. What have you ever done to him? If he can be like that over milk then you’ve got a really shit life in front of you. Get him gone

AgentJohnson · 21/08/2021 10:15

Why are you so desperate to smooth things over, he was at fault and nothing short of a grovelling apology should suffice. However, I’m getting shocked but not surprised vibes from your post, which suggests that this may not be the first example of him being a entitled twat.

You really didn’t need the preamble about his shift patterns and you working, his behaviour was unacceptable full stop. He is obviously under the false impression that his tantrum was justified and b, there not being milk is somehow your responsibility.

Think long and hard about your next move. If (as you should), you think you deserve better, then stop accepting less.

AgentJohnson · 21/08/2021 10:18

Oh and what @QueenBee52 said.

SixesAndEights · 21/08/2021 11:03

Now I don’t know how to address this.

You dump him.

Cascascascas · 22/08/2021 08:27

@ClaryFairchild

You are right

LannieDuck · 22/08/2021 09:29

What's the split of housework between the two of you? Is it pretty equal, or do you do everything?

Bluntness100 · 22/08/2021 09:30

Yeah that would be it for me, and humiliating you in front of a colleague too. No coming back from that.

user1493494961 · 22/08/2021 09:40

From the title, I thought this was going to be about breastfeeding.

SarahBellam · 22/08/2021 09:41

Who died and made him the Queen? Tell him to jog on. He's not the boss of you.

MilduraS · 22/08/2021 10:30

@ClaryFairchild

A simple " if you EVER talk to me like that again it will be the last thing you ever get to say to me because I will be leaving" should probably cover it.

This is what I'd do and I'd mean it. He's a grown up, he can fend for himself and not rely on you to preempt his every want and need.

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