Bf 3am melt down over milk

[Puggyhuggys]

Hi I’m new so apologies if I make any mistakes in formatting this.

Abit of context…me and my partner have been to their for 8 years. Me female 28 yo I work 39 hours over 5 days
My partner 39 years works 36 hours over 3 days doing 7pm to 7am shifts, he also goes a weekend job which is 6 hours sat and sun 7pm to 1am.
Now the 7pm to 7am job is new. He has been working the job for about 3 weeks the other job he has had for about 3 years. Before this he was in employed due to sickness.
I have always worked full time since we started dating.
Now we’ve been fine with each other for the last few weeks, no arguments but tonight he came home and wanted to make a cup of tea, when he seen there was no milk he went off on one. Started shouting at me that I do nothing in the house and I’m lazy and dirty and that I have all the time in the word todo chores and he expects them done. Now he was doing this in front of his new colleague and wouldn’t listen to me when I told him we should speak later. He was bringing up everything and anything and would only let it be once I shut the door and told him to stop as he’d wake everyone up.
Now I don’t know how to address this. I don’t want to let it slip but also don’t want to get into another big argument. Due to our working hours we don’t see each other often now.
Any advice of how to handle something like this is appreciated

Umm...you address that shit by leaving. It's not normal.

He seems to think you're his maid.
Despite the fact that its 2021 and you both work the same hours.

And then he abuses you in public. Yes, abuse. Its abuse to shout at someone calling them dirty and lazy. Now you're frightened to even have a discussion with him incase he starts shouting at you again.

Seriously op, get out of there. Theres no alternative solution in this case. He is batshit nuts.

@ClaryFairchild

A simple " if you EVER talk to me like that again it will be the last thing you ever get to say to me because I will be leaving" should probably cover it.

THIS. With bells on.

Wouldbt be surprised if he comes home saying he had to quit his job because everyone in work is saying he abuses you. Then that'll become another stick to beat you with whilst he sits on his arse all week.

That colleague must have been horrified.

Dump the pathetic twat.

Nasty arsehole. Dump him.

7 till 1 at weekends, I'm thinking hospitality industry. Given that it was 3 am, maybe some post work drinks had been had in between?
I can see how running out of milk can be highly annoying tbh, as it annoys me if I haven't got enough for a coffee when I wake up. Unfortunately, I've been a single parent and working ft for the last 14 years, so it's partly down to me not keeping the milk supply up - though DS has in the past been erratic with his milk use, so caught me out on the odd occasion. He always leaves me enough for morning coffee now, and I appreciate it.
As I understand it, he's working 48 hours a week now, that's a lot. But did you both agree to these hours? Obviously it's going to have an effect on household dynamics, someone has to take up the slack, and as that's you in his eyes. Whether he is reasonable in that, depends on if you have discussed how dynamics were going to work when he started working weekends as well as during the week. It sounds like there are DC involved, which means it's more imperative to discuss who does what around the house. You do have 9 hours less work than he does, so can expect some more duties to come your way, but if he now expects you to do everything, he's being unreasonable.
I think you tell him he was out of order talking to you like that, and if he thinks things at home are slipping, then the way to combat that is to divvy out chores between yourselves by doing a rota.
You both need to get savvy with your time, as you now have less of it.
Overall though, I'd say long term, his work hours are going to affect your harmony together. When can you go out and enjoy life together if he is working every weekend? It's a miserable life if all it's about is work and home and never going out anywhere together. Do you want that as a couple?

@ClaryFairchild

A simple " if you EVER talk to me like that again it will be the last thing you ever get to say to me because I will be leaving" should probably cover it.

No. All he will do is conceal this behaviour. Until you're hooked maybe married or pregnant. He's shown you his true colours Don't ignore it

That's a reasonable age gap.

He sounds abusive.

Abusers often end up with younger people because those closer to their often recognice the behaviour and get out sooner