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Original poster

I have to tell her don't I?

29 replies

TheFriendlySquid · 20/08/2021 21:54

I've received a message, along with proof this evening that my best friends partner is cheating on her.

I don't know how to tell her, she's going through such a shit time, she'll be so upset. But I can't keep this to myself, I couldn't look her in the eye if I did.

OP posts:
DTW001 · 20/08/2021 21:59

Yes, you should tell her. I was in the same position. I went round to hers for a coffee the next day and told her. I was there for her when she then left him, and after when she needed me. She was so grateful I told her, and like you I wouldn't have been able to look her in the eye if I didn't.

If/when she finds out and if she finds out you knew, I'm sure that would ruin the friendship for a lot of people.

It's better she knows so that she can find someone worthy. I hope it works out for her xx

Mamofdevils · 20/08/2021 22:08

Yes, definitely! It will be a difficult conversation but I can imagine you would want to know if it was the other way round. You sound like a good friend so I'm sure she will get through it X

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 20/08/2021 22:10

Imo putting her straight about her twatty dp isn't necessarily a negative...

Hypnoshiding · 20/08/2021 22:11

Will whoever told you tell her with you as well?

Original poster
TheFriendlySquid · 20/08/2021 22:15

@Hypnoshiding

Will whoever told you tell her with you as well?
No
OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 20/08/2021 22:21

It’s utterly shit for you OP, but you absolutely do have to tell her.

Can you do it face to face without her having to rush home if she doesn’t want to right away? A ladies night at yours with option of staying over maybe?

So shit for both of you Flowers

Bluntness100 · 20/08/2021 22:22

Usually I say don’t but I’m not sure. Do you think she’d want to know? That’s really the key question.

Hypnoshiding · 20/08/2021 22:26

If the person who told you won't help tell her and you are 100% convinced their information is correct.
.yes, you will need to tell her.

I am so sorry you are in this position.

Seems really poor that the person dragged you into it, rather than going direct themselves.

LadyWithLapdog · 20/08/2021 22:27

Do you know she doesn’t know?

GreenClock · 20/08/2021 22:29

How does the person who told you know?

snzow · 20/08/2021 22:32

@DowntonCrabby

It’s utterly shit for you OP, but you absolutely do have to tell her.

Can you do it face to face without her having to rush home if she doesn’t want to right away? A ladies night at yours with option of staying over maybe?

So shit for both of you Flowers

This sounds like a good idea. Will give her space away from him too and time to think/make plans
Daydrambeliever · 20/08/2021 23:03

How reliable is the evidence and the person who told you? Is there any chance at all that it's bullshit if they have the wrong end of the stick? I think you need to be absolutely sure before you do this.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/08/2021 23:04

Why did this person tell you, and not her?

saraclara · 20/08/2021 23:07

Is this proof REALLY proof? Or is it along the lines of a photo of him and a woman sitting in a restaurant?

frerecoler · 20/08/2021 23:43

@AtrociousCircumstance

Why did this person tell you, and not her?
This
Wineat5isfine · 20/08/2021 23:45

What a horrible situation to be in.

If you have evidence that is 100% proof, then yes, I would suggest you tell her.

If not…then I wouldn’t. This is a life changing situation

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 20/08/2021 23:54

None of my friends told me. The other persons family member did, I'd rather my friends had.
I understand why they didn't but I don't trust them anymore
I'd tell

Luckingfovely · 21/08/2021 00:04

You have to be 100% sure. And then yes, if so, you should tell her. And as soon as possible - location doesn't really matter, as long as she's in a safe space with you.

Ugzbugz · 21/08/2021 00:16

Why have they told you and not her? What is the proof? Is it legitimate?

If she's your best mate and there is proof you have to, I'm a firm one in staying out of some stuff but the chances are the person with the proof will tell her you new.

Don't do it tonight, do it in person with the proof.

NeverButterkist · 21/08/2021 00:25

You have to tell her. If she finds out you knew your friendship will end. My friend's DH had an affair, he was my DH's best friend so she didn't believe I didn't know. My DH didn't know either.
Our friendship never recovered. Tell her then support her.Flowers

Mamamamasaurus · 21/08/2021 00:35

Why did they message you and not your friend directly? Could they be trying to shit stir?

Peach01 · 21/08/2021 01:53

It's probably best to go face to face and tell her about the message you've been sent and show her. Let her make up her own mind about the contents and the proof.

This isn't something me or my best friend would ever keep from each other.

Anordinarymum · 21/08/2021 02:07

I am just wondering why it is being left up to you to do the telling? Are you going to be firing someone else's bullets

Xztop · 21/08/2021 07:43

Please tell her. One boyfriend I had cheated on me, someone told my friends and they didnt tell until we'd broken up and it made the whole situation so much harder to deal with because I felt betrayed by them as well as the other upset. Tell her somewhere quiet and private so she can have a good cry. Then it's up to her what she does with the information

Cascascascas · 22/08/2021 08:32

@TheFriendlySquid

Why not print out proof and post to her anonymously but with guaranteed delivery then arrange to be there that night

They she opens in private
You shave told her
You are their for her

Then you can either admit it was you and you knew you had to tell but didn’t know how to approach of you can keep you mouth shut and just support her.