Would this irritate you?

[stressyseptember]

Probably one for AIBU but ... Dp wears tee shirts with images on - as in like Marvel Comic characters. I have never liked this tbh but lately it's started to irritate me to the point I'm wondering if it's about to trigger the ick. If I'm honest, I think it's a tad puerile. He's 40. I'm 46.

Now, I'm someone who just doesn't do this and never have. I don't see the need to parade that I like a brand or tv/film or for it to define me in some way. I don't buy branded clothing either where the brand name is highly visible.

Of course, he can wear what he wants. I still don't like it. I suspect he's never going to stop and (in my mind) 'grow up'. I suspect, too, I'm being unreasonable to be irritated.

I never say anything to him though I do tell him when I think he's looking nice (and invariably this is when he's wearing plain tee shirts).

So, to gauge the extent of my own (possible) unreasonableness, would this irritate you in a relationship?

@stressyseptember

frozendaisy well, aren't you Everywoman.

I can do cultural theory just as well as you, if I'd a mind to. I've lectured on it at HE level for a number of years so am quite knowledgeable about its theoretical underpinning. Of course, cultural value is relative, subjective and semantically diverse. I don't have an issue with that.

However, that is not my point. The issue is the difference between us, as matched (or not) partners. That he values a culture and I value another in terms of interests. That's all.

No-one is being a cultural snob here actually.

Do you think it's not necessarily that you like different things and more that you see culture in different ways?

When I consume (for lack of a better word) culture I think and talk about why I like it, what wider societal relevance it has etc. At length. DP can do that in a vague way but ultimately takes an "it is what it is, why analyse it so pretentiously" position. Even about things we both like. Luckily he indulges me when I want to chatter at him, and luckily I have equally pretentious friends if I want a conversation about it.

@MNmonster

I think you have summed up your true feelings here OP:

He's into film, archive telly, gaming and I guess these type of tee shirts are common to that culture. It's just very far removed from where I am culturally - Radio 4, walks, gardening, massage, eating out, wine.

Personally, I wouldn't bother me, but I am very much more like your DH in terms of fashion sense and interests. He is essentially a walking advertisement of everything he enjoys (and you don't I'm assuming?). I can imagine that even if he did go along with the things you like to do, it would perhaps raise a few eyebrows amongst others. Are you worried about how they would judge him and by default you?

People can have long lasting relationships without the same interests as long as they have the same values. But in those instances you have to accept they're not always going to be the person you do stuff with all of the time.

This pretty much nails it. He sound a really nice chap and it's not fair for you to try to mould or change him. How would you like it if he tried to sway your choice of clothing?

gannet *
*
'Do you think it's not necessarily that you like different things and more that you see culture in different ways?*'
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No, I don't. I can do other forms of culture too. We spent hours looking at archive telly episodes involving Ena Sharples and Elsie Tanner the other week. Both of us really like old Coronation St stuff. We both like crime dramas or those set in folklore and landscape. So we do have some common interests I guess. He doesn't wear tee shirts connected to those things, though I'd have a similar reaction if he did.

No, it wouldnt. DP is a quirky peter pan kinda guy and thats part of what i like about him. He's responsible and grown up when he needs to be. My ex was mr gravitas but didnt step up to the plate and still lives off mummy at 40 - thats a real ick!!!