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Original poster

Is this normal man behaviour

58 replies

Amily92x · 19/08/2021 10:13

Hi everyone.. So after a tough thought and feeling absulutely shit last night im really concidering leaving my relationship

Been married 5 years 3 kids, husband always working /out of home comes late evenings.. Soo im doing everything in the house, kids etc

I participate in all bills, shopping so money is not tight.
Yesterday i had my hands full in the evening i.e fold laundry, do laundry, shower so i asked to please can you change LO nappy, He plain blank said you do im too tired. Hes made excuses on number of occasions if i say can you brush thier teeth he fits, change clothes he moans, i hardly ever ask unless im really really tied up at that moment. Its as if im a lone parent

Is this even normal behaviour
Is this even worth fighting for my babies come 1st. Im questioning myself and the situation

What would you doo.

OP posts:
Naunet · 19/08/2021 12:22

Why did he have children if he doesn’t want to be a parent? Have you asked him that?

Naunet · 19/08/2021 12:24

@Amily92x

He just keeps telling me my jobs to work yours is to be a mum. I mean i told him this is a very shit thing to say, more or so backwards. yes im a mother i love being one but i deserve time to me aswell. He just thinks all is my responsibility like i gave birth magically
Ahh so he thinks he’s a mini god in his own home and gets to set the rules by himself?

Working doesn’t mean you don’t have to parent your own children. Does he think social services would be ok with a single parent who refused to do anything for their own kids because they work? Is he an idiot?

Original poster
Amily92x · 19/08/2021 12:30

Financially from my maternity @OnlyFoolsnMothers

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/08/2021 12:36

So you’re paying your way too- honestly fuck him!

NotaCoolMum · 19/08/2021 16:41

@Amily92x

He just keeps telling me my jobs to work yours is to be a mum. I mean i told him this is a very shit thing to say, more or so backwards. yes im a mother i love being one but i deserve time to me aswell. He just thinks all is my responsibility like i gave birth magically
My DS Dad used to say the same to me. I put all his things into bin bags and chucked him out when DS was 2. He’s still a shit Dad now and DS is a teenager! Glad I got rid of him when I did
Original poster
Amily92x · 19/08/2021 17:01

How did you find it afterwards may i ask @NotaCoolMum

OP posts:
Freddy12 · 19/08/2021 17:44

He is a dick for sure
His children, most guys I know want to be involved and do things for their children.
All part of bonding does he read stories/ play games etc

Original poster
Amily92x · 19/08/2021 19:09

He cant he gets in everyday around 10pm as he goes gym 2 hours or so @Freddy12

OP posts:
bigbaggyeyes · 19/08/2021 19:10

No it's not normal and yes, I'd leave

Freddy12 · 19/08/2021 19:14

@Amily92x

He cant he gets in everyday around 10pm as he goes gym 2 hours or so *@Freddy12*
sounds like he is not interested at all in the family even weekends, no family time he does seem like a dick
SStopRaisingHim · 19/08/2021 19:14

Normal behaviour for a child not a man.

SStopRaisingHim · 19/08/2021 19:15

@Amily92x

He cant he gets in everyday around 10pm as he goes gym 2 hours or so *@Freddy12*
He doesn’t need to be at the gym for 2 hours. No one does.
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/08/2021 19:16

@Amily92x

He cant he gets in everyday around 10pm as he goes gym 2 hours or so *@Freddy12*
This gets better- you’re basically his housekeeper and nanny
Original poster
Amily92x · 19/08/2021 19:18

Weekends if i plan and say we need to take kids out, he will but if not suggested i dont think he would make plans..

I just think of the kids at that moments so they can spend time with him..

Im basically a dustbin

I Wish i knew what steps to take next

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/08/2021 19:22

I would seek legal advice re divorce.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here from this awful example?. Would you want them as adults to be in such a relationship?. Did you yourself see similar from your dad to your mother?.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/08/2021 19:29

Depends if you think he can change, leave him with them for a day, be selfish and have a day to yourself; otherwise go back to work and give him 50% of the mental and physical load, or option 3 cut your losses and leave.
Fact is if your kids are in school, yes the house work etc is done by the stay at home parent but preschoolers are exhausting and far more taxing than most jobs- home jobs are shared, wkends and evenings are shared.

layladomino · 19/08/2021 19:43

He sounds vile. Incompetent, lazy and selfish. A useless dad and rotten husband.

He's also pretty thick if he can't work out that it isn't fair you're doing longer hours than him. It's just basic common sense that you both get the same amount of 'down time'. So if he works a 10 hour day at work (for example) which is a 50 hour week, then you would expect to spend 50 hours on the home / DC. Outside of that you share the load equally.

Namechange200121 · 19/08/2021 19:45

It’s not normal or acceptable but I totally sympathise as it’s my life too! I can’t leave right now as I’m financially dependent on him (I do work but couldn’t afford the mortgage, bills and childcare without him) and the house is in my name so I’d lose it / have to sell. I’ve looked into it and top up of universal credit wouldn’t cover at all what I would need (apparently I still earn too much part time Hmm). Oh and he works for himself so would easily just state he takes home nothing to not pay much maintenance. So for now I take full advantage of being able to work part time, pray for a lottery win and even though he does barely anything childcare/house related, the odd few things are still easier than being completely on my own. Holding out till DC at school so childcare costs are cut massively and then i can possibly go full time again. Sorry that was of no help to you, but know you’re not alone Flowers

ElspethFlashman · 19/08/2021 19:47

Christ I hope you're not shagging this waste if space.

rainbowstardrops · 19/08/2021 19:50

Ask him how he'd feel if the tables were turned and you work full time and he stays home 24/7. I bet he wouldn't like that.

Original poster
Amily92x · 19/08/2021 19:58

He constantly keeps telling do my work il happily stay at home. Yet he can't even change a single diaper. Keeps telling me go work for your money and you will see how it feels. I mean i been working since i hit 16 so dont know why he keeps saying crap. I often feel like he try to make me very small more or so intemidate me

OP posts:
BooomShakeTheRoom · 19/08/2021 20:03

It's not normal at all.

My partner works in a very responsible full time role. I am on maternity leave. He pulls his weight still, does 50% laundry and most cleaning. I do all cooking and most childcare but he still does nappies and gets up with our older children in the mornings.

Your DH sounds lazy and he's taking advantage of you.

IsThePopeCatholic · 19/08/2021 20:05

Not normal. He should want to be involved with his kids - even the boring bits. Why have kids if you’re not involved?

Original poster
Amily92x · 19/08/2021 21:27

Yes beliveve so im being taken for a mugg

OP posts:
JBlow · 19/08/2021 22:00

Seems very strange behaviour. Did he want kids?

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