Negative reaction from my pregnancy

[Mezzybbz]

I have just found out a few days ago I'm pregnant. I'm extremely happy about it and so is my partner (me, 20, him, 31). We decided to tell parents only, as I am currently only 3/4 weeks (unclear yet).
We told his mother first and she was really weird about the whole thing. She refused to see a positive line then when I did a digital, she said only the doctor can say it's true and I should go to make sure I'm in the "clear". And when I went doctor, she almost seemed upset it was true. I was terrified to tell anyone else because of it. I told my mother and father a day later and they were over the moon.
She fully expected my parents to drag me through the mud over it. She started asking where was the contraception when we conceived. I can't tell her we planned it. She would definitely lose it.
We even got a new car and she stressed me out so badly because she started screaming at us over one little dent. She kept saying it to me so I would give out to my partner over it. I know I'm stressing too much and I'm scared the stress will lead to miscarriage. It seems she's picking fights so she can say she doesn't support us on this baby. I don't know what to do.

How long have you been together?

@Aquamarine1029

If my 31 year old son got a 20 year old pregnant, I wouldn't be thrilled either. I would be very disappointed in his judgment, on many levels.

I agree.

Yeah if my 31 Yr old son got a 20 year old pregnant I'd also be pretty pissed off. How long have you both actually been together? Because he must have started dating you when you were in your teens if you have planned to have a baby.

You've literally just come out of your teens.
Do you even have the financials to have a baby? They are expensive. My baby cost me about £60 a week and was bloody hard work.

She may just feel you arnt ready or you have trapped her son.

For your sake I hope one of you has a decent career.

Echoing above, I wouldn’t be thrilled either.

OP this post lacks self awareness, surely you can see that for anyone the age difference, you’re barely out of adolescence he’s a fully grown man, the time you’ve been together, the lack of any financial security behind you, the fact that SO many relationships break up nowadays and leave children distressed, would cause his mother some alarm.

Tbh I’m more surprised that your parents are thrilled. I’d be aghast if you were my daughter.

Do you live with her OP? I wouldn't be happy in her shoes. Whether you do or not.

And you planned it? I would love to hear what your life plan is that includes a baby this early for you. Your partner is probably closer in age to your parents than to you, has 13 years experience of the adult world compared to your two, and I worry that he's pulling a fast one.

I also feel he's sort of ruining your life before it's even begun and If you got together before you were 18 then that's disgusting if you were 18 then that's still gross but what it means is you have been together for a maximum of 1 or 2 years which is way too soon.

Do you even live together?? You juts sound so immature.

This post doesn't seem real, I'm afraid. No doctor would have seen you at 3 weeks, especially with covid.

If I was his mother, I'd be annoyed at the sheer stupidity of him getting a young, naïve girl pregnant.

Your partner's mother's reaction is normal. I too would be very upset if my 31-year-old son got a 20-year-old pregnant. Conversely, I find your parents' reaction unusual, as again, I would be very far from 'over the moon' if my 20 year old daughter found herslf pregnant by a 31 year old! Most 20 year olds I know are in college or developing their career. The fact that this was a planned pregnancy makes me wonder if your career is important to you? She may be wondering the same and thinking that you plan to live off her son.
Also, it's quite unusual to show your in-laws your pregnancy tests and have them peering at lines! I disagree with those doubting a doctor saw you, depends where you live. Very possible where I am.
Sorry if all this sounds mean, just being realistic. You are very young. Best of luck with everything.

There's more to this. Do you live with her? What's her interest in the car?

I agree with PP - I wouldn't be jumping around with excitement given the circumstances

Being pregnant at 20 by a 31 year old is nothing to celebrate. P

I should think that his mother is concerned about her 31 year old son getting a 20 year old woman pregnant.

You're nowhere near mature enough to have a baby. Possibly you'll know that day will have come when you don't feel moved to write such piffle as: 'We even got a new car and she stressed me out so badly because she started screaming at us over one little dent. She kept saying it to me so I would give out to my partner over it' 🙄

What I find very strange is that a doctor saw you. I don’t know if you are in the UK but here atm your leg has to be hanging off before you can even get a phone appointment let alone have a pregnancy ‘confirmed’

I wouldn't be pleased either given your only 20 and on the crisp of young adulthood and he's got 11 years on you for life experience.

What I find very strange is that a doctor saw you. Like a pp, I think the op may be Irish? If so, getting an appointment with your gp is easy here and ahe would have had no difficulty.

You are very young and are only just pregnant. It’s very unusual to show anyone the rest stick you’ve just weed on, as well! I didn’t tell people until 12 weeks!

What are you saying about the car-I don’t understand that.

You seem very involved with your boyfriends mum-you don’t live with her, do you?!

Most odd. Why on earth would you have shown her the test or even told her yet? Like others have said, I'd hazard a guess that she's not too chuffed that her 31 year old son has got a 20 year old girl pregnant.

I went to a nurse and she done a test and it was a self referral to the midwife. My partner and I have been together two years and we don't see the age gap. Neither does his mother. It isn't a thing where shes annoyed about how far on I am, if anything she's happy I told her now rather than after the 12 week point. As for my partner, you can tell he's annoyed at her yet he never says anything as to avoid arguments. I showed the test because she is someone who wouldn't believe straight away if I was pregnant, even with complete confirmation. I don't exactly make a habit of showing peed sticks.

Have you even missed a period yet OP?

Why the judgement on the age gap people? Not everyone dates strictly in their age range. I met my partner at 20 and he was 39/40. We are still together 15 years on. And I was certainly not a child at 20. How condescending. You don't know her and this post isn't about that. It's the strange reaction to her pregnancy and MIL. This is not AIBU.

Op from my side, I would just not discuss it with her anymore. She's been weird about it for some reason and you don't need the stress. Just talk about it with your family. She may come around yet. Don't play to her behaviour.

I didn't tell anyone until about 8-10 weeks and then only both sets of parents. Other people got told after 12 week scan. It's very early to be telling people.. Your mum's response was odd though but I'd say no more until 12 week scan now.

I showed the test because she is someone who wouldn't believe straight away if I was pregnant,

you might have conceived and you might get pregnant from this conception - but you are not at the point where you can say so definitively yet.

So she isn't "not believing" you, but you are stating something you can't possibly know yet