Am I in the wrong?

[MWicks]

I went out for a few hours this morning but other than that have mostly been at home with the children, other than a dog walk and swimming lessons.

I have a 6 year old daughter and 2 year old twin boys so I find sometimes being at home can be a challenge to keep them all occupied and happy.

The boys went to bed a bit later than normal, a later bath after my daughters swim lesson. Once in bed I started to tidy the kitchen whilst fixing some tea for me and my daughter. Sat down at 7.45 to eat my tea when my partner gets in from the gym (he went straight from work).

He then had a go at me because the house wasn’t tidy enough. I said I was going to do it later after I have eaten but then felt bad for sitting down. He said I should have been tidying today and to sit the kids in front of the tv for a few hours to catch up of stuff. It isn’t that easy as my youngest wouldn’t sit for that long unless I was with them. Instead I play with them etc or there will just be lots of fighting and tantrums.

Am I in the wrong? I know it is important to have a tidy house but I actually didn’t think it was in too bad condition for three children at home. I said to him I can’t believe you are saying this. It is hard to keep three kid entertained and find time to do all the cleaning etc.

I do also work so am not home all the time. I have two days off a week and have then chosen to take extra holidays to help with childcare over the holidays.

He needs to stfu imo.
Get a cleaner and he is paying...

He fucks off to the gym after work and has the audacity to moan to you about the house? After you've been dealing with 3 children all day long?

What a prick.

You are 0% wrong. Your DH is an utter twat. Do not take this kind of crap from him. You need to tell him it is completely unacceptable behaviour.

Wait, what? Had to read this twice. Since when did you agree to be his scivvy? If he wants a clean house get him to pay for a cleaner. Has this behaviour just started? How long has he been going to the gym after work and how many times a week?

He’s your partner, not your supervisor!
If he thinks he will always have a tidy house with three small children in it, he’s got a lot to learn.

However, if he wants a tidy hose badly enough, he should come home and tidy it instead of going to the gym. He would discover that housework is as good as a workout?

Happy kids
Happy you

Happy DH

All important

Clean house

These can be your new priorities

If he wants the house clean he ditches the gym (personal time, bet he has a shit time more of that than you do) and does it himself. Or takes annual leave to do his fair fucking share!

What, can't he clean? Its his house too. This isnt 1950.

If this is real you need to have a serious fucking chat with your cunt of a husband and explain that raising 3 kids is a full time job, if he wanted a clean house he could have skipped the gym and cleaned it. I despair that any man actually talks to his wife like this.

If he's bothered by the state of the house there's a really easy solution;he can move out;problem solved!

Let's see how easy he finds it when the magical housework fairy isn't there to clean his place;you could have a break EOW and he can wrangle 3 kids alone

@litterbird he has done this before but just not as bad. I think I am more shocked as I genuinely looked at the house and thought oh this isn’t as bad as it could be after having the kids at home. Plus we took the dogs for a walk which is what he would usually do as they don’t always listen to me. He goes to the gym three times a week. Twice straight from work when I have the kids with me at swimming lessons and gymnastics classes and once at 6.30 as soon as the younger two are ready for bed

Thank you for everyone’s message. I really try my hardest but if it is the choice between run around the garden and play with toys or vacuum whilst the kids are trying to bite and hit each other I know what I would go for. I now just feel like a terrible mother as he says kids shouldn’t be bought up in this state, our house is not that bad I promise! Just general mess you get from kids; clothes and toys!

Does he think your name is Cinderella?? Why is it just your job to tidy the house? It sounds like you have your hands full and are are doing a great job. Maybe he should sacrifice some of his "me time" at the gym to give you a hand.

If he is that worried about the "state" of the house then he can skip the gym and come home and clean and mind the kids at the same time. Let him see how easy it is.

Do you get three chances a week to go to the gym/do something for yourself? If not I’d be booking something in now. He can then look after the Dc and do some housework as he seems to think it really is that easy, he can do it!

These weekend the kids are all his, and he can cook and clean for them as well

He needs to cut his gym visits down to 3 a fortnight, and spend the gained time on house work

He needs to STFU - how dare he "tell you off" as if you were an employee - the house is exactly as much his responsibility as yours

On his next day off, tell him you've made plans. Fuck off for the whole day. Get home and then complain that he hasn't vacuumed, cleaned, cooked, whatever

Alternatively leave and hire a cleaner and get back to work.

Do not tidy the house. If he isn't happy, hand him a feather duster. If you do the domestic goddess routine, he will continue to see this as a normal expectation for a working mother with young children. You make a rod for your own back. It is not normal, nor supportive. He wants a domestic slave...don't be his domestic slave.

He can skip the gym to catch up on tidying if he feels that strongly about it. Why is it your job to do extra chores instead of his?

What does HE do around the house?

Why is cleaning the house your responsibility
Does he not live there ? Is he not also the parent of three children ?
It doesn’t matter less that your work partly involves unpaid child raising at home . The cleaning is a shared responsibility ?
He sounds like a chauvinist pig . He gets to go to the gym whilst you are expected to do housework ????
How about he gets his ass into gear and cleans up while you go to the gym or out for coffee .
I simply couldn’t deal with this . You don’t have three children you have four .

You're not in the wrong at all. Do you get to do anything for yourself that equates to his gym time?
Some days are spent going round in circles. He should be fully prepared to contribute to any housework when he comes in if you've not had the chance. Afterall, he's had his 'me' time at the gym to de-stress.

OP, you are prioritizing the safety and happiness of your kids, exactly as it should be ffs !

Personally I'd have shoved the feather duster up his bloody arse for his bloody attitude ! But that's just me.

Tell him you are not his fucking housekeeper, or his mother, so you will NOT be doing every....fucking....thing every....fucking....day just to appease him and his 1950's fucking attitude.

You will be dividing all the housework between you, taking into account ALL the hours spent 'childminding'/chauffering/working etc as working bloody hours ! Then split the 'free time' 50/50 too !

Your dp is the one in the wrong.

It far healthier for the dc to run and play in the garden with their Mum than it is plonking them infront of the telly.

Maybe he should be cleaning up before going to the gym

It's important to have happy kids

Not a tidy house !