Am I in the wrong?

[MWicks]

I went out for a few hours this morning but other than that have mostly been at home with the children, other than a dog walk and swimming lessons.

I have a 6 year old daughter and 2 year old twin boys so I find sometimes being at home can be a challenge to keep them all occupied and happy.

The boys went to bed a bit later than normal, a later bath after my daughters swim lesson. Once in bed I started to tidy the kitchen whilst fixing some tea for me and my daughter. Sat down at 7.45 to eat my tea when my partner gets in from the gym (he went straight from work).

He then had a go at me because the house wasn’t tidy enough. I said I was going to do it later after I have eaten but then felt bad for sitting down. He said I should have been tidying today and to sit the kids in front of the tv for a few hours to catch up of stuff. It isn’t that easy as my youngest wouldn’t sit for that long unless I was with them. Instead I play with them etc or there will just be lots of fighting and tantrums.

Am I in the wrong? I know it is important to have a tidy house but I actually didn’t think it was in too bad condition for three children at home. I said to him I can’t believe you are saying this. It is hard to keep three kid entertained and find time to do all the cleaning etc.

I do also work so am not home all the time. I have two days off a week and have then chosen to take extra holidays to help with childcare over the holidays.

I hope you get the same amount of time out of the house, on your own, as he does.

What an arsehole. Has he ever stayed at home and looked after three young kids? He should give you a hand and not criticise.

I had a husband like this I’m proud to say i divorced him in 2008 and can be as untidy as I like if I want to be

I think you know the answer to your question, how will you deal with your husband’s behaviour?

Cheeky fucking arsehole! Tell him to ftfo. Who the hell does he think he is, telling you off.

A tidy house is a nice to have, but not an essential, especially when you have small children. A clean, hygienic house is important, but toys out and laundry to be put away etc, is just par for the course. If that's a problem for him, then he needs to spend more time tidying.

I don't think there are many people who would get much housework done with 2 year old twins. You are doing well to get through the day. Don't make any excuses just say l had a busy day. Especially as you work out of the home most days so it's actually your day off. Good for him being able to pop off to the gym after work.

Are you seriously questioning if you are in the wrong? Who the hell does he think he think he is?

If my husband said this to me, I would in all honesty tell him to F off and do it himself if he is that bothered! I wouldn’t even feel the need to explain myself.

You are not his employee, you are somebody he is supposed to love and respect. You are your own person. You do not owe your husband a tidy house on arrival home from the gym. Stand your ground, do not let your husband make you feel this way, you have done nothing wrong!

He's being a knob - how often does he have all the children by himself?

Too much TV / screen time is a huge problem for young kids. Google the adverse effects on language development and send him the links. Then ask him to re assess his priorities. Would he really prefer a tidy house??

Your OH thinks having a show home standard house is more important and you should be the one responsible? Time for some home truths. He needs to do more, or pay for a cleaner. He needs to be realistic about what is possible with a 6 year old and 2 year old twins on the loose. I bet his mummy did everything for him, and that he doesn't do his share at home.

I read this yesterday, and I am still seething on your behalf. |Your partner is misogynistic, arrogant, selfish, lazy and stupid.

Please show him this thread!

And give him a list of chores which are entirely his responsibility for the next 10 years

And make sure that covers 50% of the chores that need doing each day.

For example, if you are doing all the cooking, he is now responsible for all the washing up.

Alternatively, he cooks 3 days a week, and alternate Sundays.

If you are doing the washing, then the ironing is all his

If you are tidying the living room, then the children's bedding and bedrooms is his responsibility

Please come back and tell us when you have sorted out this fair sharing of chores with him

I'm going to make some assumptions in this response because, based on what you've said, I think there pretty safe ones.

I would absolutely hit the roof at this level of disrespect. Who the hell did he think he is? He's behaving like Lord of the manor, reprimanding a wayward servant. I would be saying something along the lines of the following:
"I am absolutely furious that you would speak to me that way. Not only does it betray an absolute cluelessness about what looking after our three children alone entails, it demonstrates a total lack of respect our appreciation for it. Far from making me think I need to work harder and longer to keep things in the state you would wish them to be, what you've said has actually acted as a catalyst for me to realise how much more you need to be doing some here and that I need to have as much leisure time as you do. Currently you're out at the gym [X] hours per week and out at the weekends [X] amount. So from now on, I'll be taking [Monday and Tuesday evenings] for myself and [Saturday afternoons] while you entertain the children and get them dinner and ready for bed, and then clear up. If that seems unworkable to you, we can talk about how much of your leisure time you're going to drop and I will also take less. We can discuss the split of chores once you've digested this. If a fair split of leisure time and chores doesn't seem right to you, we have a much bigger problem in our marriage (namely, your attitude towards me)."

He sounds like an entitled prick, to be honest.