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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Always my fault..

58 replies

Quietriot40 · 18/08/2021 05:06

We just got a new car last week, all rushed wasn't looked into properly. His choice not mine. Drove it for a few days and now the twatting thing is stuck in a garage broken down!
It was my job to sort out all the boring boring stuff, tax insurance, log book because my OH doesn't have the patience for stuff like this.
Anyway, as I said up post, it was all a rush. No idea why and I had 30 mins during a dinner break at work to sort all this as he wanted to pick car up that night.
I hold my hands up, I should have took more notice but I genuinely missed the part when you have to put what points if any are on your licence I also even spelled my own name wrong!
I realised what I'd done and phoned the insurance company as soon as I'd got home that night to try and correct it only for them to cancel it and they want us to pay X amount for cancellation.

OH not happy at all "there's only one person to blame here and that's you" were going to have to cancel our holiday now we can't afford it, I might have to cancel your engagement ring to bridge the gap.
Every solution I offered up was "stupid" and was nothing to do at all with me being rushed to sort it according to him.
I'm a human, I make mistakes not perfect by a long shot but its all very one sided.
There's been times in the past when he's messed up on things and I've always said, don't worry about it we'll figure it out never kicked off at him once.
There's been no affection since, no kisses or hugs or love yous he's been very childish about it.
Anyway, I've been feeling like sh!t since and he clearly doesn't care.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 21/08/2021 07:52

So what are you going to do?

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 21/08/2021 08:04

Never mind cancelling your engagement ring. Cancel the wedding. Run and don't look back

This with bells on!!

Fustyoldface · 21/08/2021 08:45

This man sounds ridiculous. If you are exhausted with it now imagine 10 years of this. Life can be so much better than this. Also I hope he’s not senior to you as he sounds a fucking awful bully at work too. Seriously new job, new start like another poster said. This is who he is and it will get worse.

Eddielzzard · 21/08/2021 08:52

He's a Class A arsehole. A controlling one at that. The guy who ignores you and belittles you is the real man. Don't keep hanging on in the hope that the side of him that you fell in love with will reappear. That was an illusion. He will get worse, not better. The best thing you can do is walk away. Start looking for another job. You can. You can put all this shit behind you. You can say 'enough of this abusive shit!' and just walk out that door.

pog100 · 21/08/2021 08:53

You need to leave. You are 30, so young, and yet tied to an abusive man much older than you. Leave and find someone carefree, your age, to have some fun with. Please!

feelingfree17 · 21/08/2021 09:22

Please leave. There isn’t one single good reason to stay with this abuser. You will have a life of misery if you stay. Stop making excuses now, and save yourself a life time of pain.

Lolapusht · 21/08/2021 11:42

You are not responsible for his emotions. You do not need to arrange your life to try and make him happy. It actually doesn’t matter if he’s abusive (which I think he definitely is), what matters is how you feel in this relationship. The person he was at the beginning doesn’t exist any more so he’s who he is now. Are you attracted to that person? If not, you are allowed to say you don’t want to be in the relationship. He could be the most non-abusive person on the planet and you’d still be permitted to end the relationship because it’s not what you want.

Please don’t marry him. End the relationship and find a new job if needed. He seems to be treating you with contempt now that he has you where he wants you. It won’t get better, just worse. Do you want children? Does he? If you have them he’s only going to get worse and it will make it more difficult to leave.

You are still so young and you deserve to have a relationship that makes you smile, where you feel cherished, where your partner makes you feel 100 feet tall.

LannieDuck · 21/08/2021 13:55

It doesn't sound like you're getting much out of this relationship anymore.

A couple of other thoughts:

  • Never do any admin for him again
  • Presumably the car breaking down and being in the garage had nothing to do with you missing something on the paperwork, and is actually his oversight? He's conveniently ignoring that, isn't he?
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