Always my fault..

[Quietriot40]

We just got a new car last week, all rushed wasn't looked into properly. His choice not mine. Drove it for a few days and now the twatting thing is stuck in a garage broken down!
It was my job to sort out all the boring boring stuff, tax insurance, log book because my OH doesn't have the patience for stuff like this.
Anyway, as I said up post, it was all a rush. No idea why and I had 30 mins during a dinner break at work to sort all this as he wanted to pick car up that night.
I hold my hands up, I should have took more notice but I genuinely missed the part when you have to put what points if any are on your licence I also even spelled my own name wrong!
I realised what I'd done and phoned the insurance company as soon as I'd got home that night to try and correct it only for them to cancel it and they want us to pay X amount for cancellation.

OH not happy at all "there's only one person to blame here and that's you" were going to have to cancel our holiday now we can't afford it, I might have to cancel your engagement ring to bridge the gap.
Every solution I offered up was "stupid" and was nothing to do at all with me being rushed to sort it according to him.
I'm a human, I make mistakes not perfect by a long shot but its all very one sided.
There's been times in the past when he's messed up on things and I've always said, don't worry about it we'll figure it out never kicked off at him once.
There's been no affection since, no kisses or hugs or love yous he's been very childish about it.
Anyway, I've been feeling like sh!t since and he clearly doesn't care.

I'd be telling him to use the engagement ring money as you don't want one anymore

Stop making excuses in order to stay with an abuser. I certainly hope you don't want children with this man. What a disaster that would be.

OP, several people here have pointed out that he is abusing you, yet you seem to be making excuses to stay with him and this relationship.

So I don't think you want to hear that you should leave this man. So what is it that you want us to say to you, OP? Do you want us to validate your relationship, is that it?

OP
honestly at 30 the best you can do is a 44 yr old manipulative bully?
Get rid of this horror and move on, you deserve better.
stops the pet names and calls me by my real name this makes you sound about 5, stop allowing yourself to be treated like a child.

You are young, you are not tied to him. Get out and find someone you can enjoy life with .

I was stuck with a twat like this and he basically destroyed my life.

Start as you mean to go on. You don't want to go on like this, do you?

I just feel like there's nothing there anymore. He doesn't show me he loves me. He's got all the time in the world to talk to his ex about kids and listening to her life stories, basically talks alright to everyone else but I get one word answers out of him. I feel like a spare part or like I'm just in the way.
He can see I'm not happy but he's not done a single thing to try nd change that, not asked me what he can do to make me feel better he just letting me get on with it.
I dont want a life like this, I feel like utter crap.

When we first got together we was always talking always laughing and joking together and I'm still trying to keep that alive, keep that spark there but it's like he's given up now he's got me. Who he is now is not the man I fell in love with.

He's a bully who enjoys bullying you.
Do not marry him.

What you have now is who he is OP

The man that he was was not real and will never return. He may have designed that persona to deliberately to draw you in. Abusive men can only put on the "nice" person act for so long and the nice/nasty cycle of abuse that these men show their target is a continuous one.

You have a choice re this man even now. If you really want a life not like described then you're going to have to leave him. You can indeed do far better than a 44 year old manipulative bully for a man but you have to believe that for your own self. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up, did your dad treat your mum similarly?.

He's a nasty, abusive bully and you are a very silly young women to be accepting his behaviour.

Marriage?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you really that much of a gobshite to want the rest of your life to be like this and much, much worse?

You aren't actually thinking of bringing a child into the world with this pig are you?

Get a grip.
Cop yourself on.

Pack your bags and move out asap.

Don't worry about work.

He was abusive and you left him.
That's it.

Take responsibility for your life or pay tge huge consequences of staying with this awful waster.

Sorry you're going through this OP. He sounds spookily similar to my ExH hence ExH.

Oh sweetheart do not marry this man.

It will just get worse. Trust me.

we work together too

Fresh job, fresh start. You don't have to settle for being with someone who treats you like this, just because you work together too.

Our relationship is pretty much all him what he wants and what he ants to do. Whenever I've mentioned about us having like a day out I just get snapped at I'm not planning see what happens. He shuts me down a lot when I talk about things I'm interested in and he talks down to me like I'm stupid.
All the intimate side of things kisses and cuddles even sex.. always on his terms. But yet he says he never wants to lose me. I don't get it. He's treating me like crap.

Of course he doesn't want to lose you, he'd have to find someone else to lure in with months of acting the nice guy before she in turn moved in letting him relax back into the shitty behaviour that he finds comfortable. He'd much rather you stayed and let him go on lording it over you. Of course he would. He will care when you leave of course - you will be taking away his supply of feeling like a big man. Hell be very very sad - for himself.

And watch out for him doubling down on belittling you. He wants you to believe his is doing you a massive favour by being your boyfriend. Please know he isn't!!!

If it costs you your business to get your freedom and find a man who treats you well then I'd say it's worth the cost. It probably won't come to you loosing the business in reality, but you can't put a price on your freedom. You should be free to make mistakes in your relationship without feeling 2cm tall.

You need to leave, op.

Life's too short op to deal with this shit.

Your young.
Don't waste anymore time trying to get someone to show you they love you

If you've got to try it's not there

I don't get it. He's treating me like crap
C’mon you can’t be that naive, every single person has told you he’s abusive and to leave and you’re still saying this.
Get a grip and dump him.

He's showing you who he is, believe him.
He won't change.
He's abusive.

He doesn't like you very much. He certainly doesn't show any love. He is bullying you, making you feel crap on purpose, setting you up to fall then withholding affection as punishment. Everything is on his terms.

Does he make you feel loved? Cherished? Important? Valued? Heard? Respected? Those are the minimum requirements for someone you marry.

It has nothing to do with age.

Stop listening to what he says and look at what he does and, most importantly, how he makes you feel. And please don't marry this awful man. He is no catch. He will get worse. Please get out as soon as you can. You deserve so much better.

I would rather be single than with him every time. And if you're single there is hope of meeting someone who would value you, be kind, treat you as his equal, want you to be happy.

@Quietriot40

Our relationship is pretty much all him what he wants and what he ants to do. Whenever I've mentioned about us having like a day out I just get snapped at I'm not planning see what happens. He shuts me down a lot when I talk about things I'm interested in and he talks down to me like I'm stupid. All the intimate side of things kisses and cuddles even sex.. always on his terms. But yet he says he never wants to lose me. I don't get it. He's treating me like crap.

Jesus Christ, leave him. Do you want to be treated like this for the rest of your life?

Really easy for him to say nice things like he never wants to lose you but that's not what he's showing you with his actions is it? Actions have consequences, and in this case the consequence for him should absolutely be that he loses you because he certainly is treating you like crap.

Come on OP, you know you deserve better than this, find your anger and use it to propel you as far away from him as possible. This won't change, he won't change, there won't ever be that lightbulb moment for him where he realises what he's doing and stops treating you like crap, he knows and he's choosing to carry on doing it.

You have a choice here, a short period of upheaval and readjustment while you split and heal from the pain, or years of this, grinding you down and making you feel like nothing until you almost are nothing, I know which I'd choose.

Hes told me in this last week that my love is too much for him. He's been really snappy and short with me at work to the point where ive wanted to leave my job. He will happily and openly talk to his ex about certain things but when I try and engage him in conversation he's not interested. He shuts me down when I get excited about stuff telling me to keep it to myself. But when I try nd say things back to try and defend myself I'm stupid or he will roll his eyes or flap his arms and say.. see, I cant talk to you. But I'm not just going to sit there and take what he's saying, who would?
I'm a loving and caring person by nature always a happy soul, hes broken me I'm a shell of who I used to be. I just don't care anymore. And he can see it.
He never makes time for me, I get pushed aside when his boys are here for the weekends I'm like the live in help but has no problem having a pop if I do something wrong.

Then ill get all this bullshit about how much he loves me with tears in his eyes he's never loved anyone the way he loves me wants to make love to me then because I said no I'm a child who carries things on.
Mixed messages all the time, I'm exhausted with it all.