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Original poster

Men and terrible conversation

30 replies

DuchessOfDisaster · 17/08/2021 21:20

Is this a general thing?

I have a friend, male, and we go to football matches together. He's a disaster when it comes to his love life. I saw him last Saturday for the first time since all the lockdowns when we went to the match. We went for lunch first and we were chatting, or what passed for it.

All he talked about was football, and if I changed the subject and talked about anything else, all he said was "Sure". I felt like he wasn't even listening, or that he just wanted an audience. He didn't comment on or ask me anything about what I talked about.

He's not a really close friend. We only see each other for occasional football matches (he has moved away so doesn't go to every home game) so it's not a big deal, but it was frustrating at the time. I simply gave up and talked football and listened to him - it was simpler.

I'm not sufficiently bothered to try and change him. We only see one another once in a blue moon and talk on social media the rest of the time. My own partner is an interesting conversationalist when he isn't (thankfully only occasionally) trying to be funny. It got me thinking - how common is this? Men and terrible conversation?

Apart from my partner I have much better conversations with my girlfriends!

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/08/2021 21:25

Lots of women are shit at conversation too. Revolves around celebs or their wedding plans 💤

NCkitchen · 17/08/2021 21:27

I'd say my friends are very mixed...

Some women good conversationalists, some not.

Some men are, Some not.

I guess everyone is different.

I find men easier to talk to generally speaking though

PawPawPaw · 18/08/2021 00:57

Many men are as you describe. Many women also (sole topic of conversation normally their children).

MopaniTree · 18/08/2021 01:17

I think it's generally mixed.
Although funnily enough I have been thinking recently how poor a conversationalist my OH is. He never wants to get into discussions about anything much. I end up having better conversations at work with colleagues or with friends. Very annoying.

Brimorion · 18/08/2021 01:21

Why would you choose to have people in your life who bore you? I get that this is a peripheral friend, but I wouldn’t go for lunch with, far less couple up with, someone who wasn’t a good talker.

frozendaisy · 18/08/2021 01:23

Perhaps as you were at the football together he was just getting all his football speak out?

BrozTito · 18/08/2021 01:25

Yep women just as bad. Tedious crap about relationships of people we'l never meet.

Mybestgirl · 18/08/2021 05:20

I worked with some of the dullest women on the planet. The talked about what they were buying for their house, their labours/birth (couldn’t be less interested) and reality tv….

garlictwist · 18/08/2021 05:27

The friend I have the best conversations with is male. We went for a walk yesterday and talked about everything from art, to cycling, to our views on lockdown etc.

I have good female friends who I sometimes struggle to chat to for as long. So I don't think it's a gender thing

Hekatestorch · 18/08/2021 05:43

To be fair, this is a friend, but not a good one. That you go to watch football with. How he is with you, might not be how he is in a relationship or with other people.

Its also possible that he sticks to the one subject, because he feels you aren't a great conversationalist.

I good conversationalist, may not be great with everyone.

And I don't think it's men who are bad at this, though men do have a tendency to used to being heard. But I know many women who can't or don't want to hold a converstation either.

Sally2791 · 18/08/2021 06:09

The cynic in me thinks he’s not going to make conversational effort unless a shag is on the cards.
He sounds a bit dull, perhaps go to the football with a more interesting friend.

ShippingNews · 18/08/2021 06:15

If you only ever see him when you are going to the football, I guess it's natural that he talks about the match. Maybe he talks about other things at other times.

KatherineJaneway · 18/08/2021 06:29

All he talked about was football, and if I changed the subject and talked about anything else, all he said was "Sure".

Maybe he felt that he had come out specifically for the football and that's what he wanted to concentrate on.

EveningOverRooftops · 18/08/2021 06:39

I am trying so hard to find a man, men, who can have a conversation. It’s so important a foundation for a relationship I think and so few of them really know how to talk. I’ve had enough. Tbf.

I just want to meet someone passionate about something but also have a wide range of thoughts and opinions and basic general knowledge to discuss most things.

torquewench · 18/08/2021 06:46

Why don't you just reply "sure" as well, or would he not take the hint? Or just tell him straight you find his chat boring? My ex-h only ever used to bang on about vintage bikes, vintage bike parts, mechanical disasters befalling his vintage bikes, his vintage bike collection (he owned dozens so had plenty of material)(said material also vintage, he droned on about the same shit repeatedly), he regularly watched Henry bloody Cole fannying around on vintage bikes on TV. I used to just chip in with the occasional "that's nice, dear" after 10 minutes of him monologuing, or just get up and leave the room. He knew I had zero interest in vintage bikes. Boring bastard.

KarenofSparta · 18/08/2021 06:48

@BrozTito

Yep women just as bad. Tedious crap about relationships of people we'l never meet.
So grateful my friends aren't as one dimensional as this. Saying that, that's probably why they're my friends (both male & female).
Guineapigbridge · 18/08/2021 06:53

Ha ha vintage bikes. What a nightmare. Grin

torquewench · 18/08/2021 07:15

I missed out his hobby of criticising other people's vintage bikes. For example, if he saw a bike made in 1957 that had a 1956 model mudguard, he'd feel the need to tell me. Such detail is important, apparently. On a similar note, he moaned because a vintage train we were travelling in (his choice, obvs) had stainless steel crosshead screws in the light fittings in our compartment, when it should've had flathead brass ones, I tuned out as to the specific reason why. Oh, and he had some form of tourettes where he had to shout out the name of any vintage vehicle he saw on TV and elaborate as to some minor detail about them. The Heartbeat theme tune still triggers me.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 18/08/2021 07:53

He's sticking to the topic of a shared hobby. Why would he digress into talking about his love life? That would be really odd. You say he's not a close friend and you see each other once in a blue moon. Maybe you're more into it than he is and he's just trying to appear polite.

Onelifeonly · 18/08/2021 08:19

Good conversations are about common interests on the whole. If you only meet to go to a football match, then that is not only your common interest but you don't know much about each other's lives either.

I can chat with any one of my many colleagues, should I need to, because we can discuss work or our other colleagues, but that doesn't mean I would choose to be friends with them all.

To me it's not about whether someone is male or female, although I find men tend to be less interested in discussing personal things, and I often enjoy conversations more with other women (but not all women).

gannett · 18/08/2021 10:00

Bad chat is unfortunately not limited to either gender.

However I've found that male bores can be zoned out, to an extent - they're either nerding out over their specialised interest or they just love the sound of their own voice. Insufferable if you find yourself cornered by them but you don't really have to listen, just try to find an escape route.

But female bores, especially in offices, seem to want to use celebrity and diet chat as a means of bonding, which means it's harder to go "mm-hmm" vaguely and block them out, and if you do that they take offence. Fucking diet talk, seriously! How dull do you have to be to talk about calories in real life.

Maybe men are like that with football chat with other men?

Brimorion · 18/08/2021 12:07

@gannett

Bad chat is unfortunately not limited to either gender.

However I've found that male bores can be zoned out, to an extent - they're either nerding out over their specialised interest or they just love the sound of their own voice. Insufferable if you find yourself cornered by them but you don't really have to listen, just try to find an escape route.

But female bores, especially in offices, seem to want to use celebrity and diet chat as a means of bonding, which means it's harder to go "mm-hmm" vaguely and block them out, and if you do that they take offence. Fucking diet talk, seriously! How dull do you have to be to talk about calories in real life.

Maybe men are like that with football chat with other men?

Some of that subtype of woman get very cross if you don’t join in, too. Food is not one of my hang-ups and I have from time to time found myself clearly falling foul of someone who is doing the full ‘patting her stomach, bemoaning her ‘naughty’ dessert’ stuff, and then looking expectantly at me to respond with my own tales of will-power and carbs.
Annabellerina · 18/08/2021 12:22

@torquewench that is hilarious 🤣 although I'm sorry to laugh at your past pain

KarenofSparta · 18/08/2021 12:29

I do get that to an extent about female colleagues in offices, reluctant to say it but I've never had male colleagues asking me what I'm having for lunch - then giving opinions on it. There's a lot of food fixation going on with other women.

torquewench · 18/08/2021 15:24

@KarenofSparta

I do get that to an extent about female colleagues in offices, reluctant to say it but I've never had male colleagues asking me what I'm having for lunch - then giving opinions on it. There's a lot of food fixation going on with other women.
My current boss (55 yo male, corporate lawyer, ) asks me every day at 5pm what I'm having for dinner
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