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Original poster

Little gift first meet

70 replies

feeficken · 17/08/2021 18:40

Hello,

Man here, so I’ve been chatting to a lady on POF and we’ve been getting on well so having taken it off the app we’ve exchange numbers m, we’ve been texting for about a week and a half every day up to all hours and it’s been going well.

Well we’ve finally managed to arrange a meet up for the end of the week so see if the spark is there. However I was thinking of taking a small gift just a couple of novelty items if things we’ve spoken about like a bottle of her favourite beer and a small keyring with stranger things in it because she is a massive fan.

Do you think it’s too soon and come across as a bit full on?

OP posts:

Suprima · 19/08/2021 08:05

@BatshitCrazyWoman

Erm, it is a date. With online dating or a blind date, of course you haven’t met before.

Who has the bloody time to go out on a pre-date vetting non-date? An internet stalk, a peek on LinkedIn and a video call does all of those things.

Bluntness100 · 19/08/2021 08:33

Yeah it’s too full on ans cringe. And she’d then have to walk around holding a bottle of beer or downing it.

robotcollision · 19/08/2021 08:38

[quote EvenMoreFuriousVexation]@robotcollision
People often give generic gifts on first date

What?! Not in my world!

The only time I've received a gift on a first date it was a home ripped CD of his music. It was shit. There was no second date!

OP, I wouldn't particularly like it, but I wouldn't run away. However I would find the beer gift a bit off - it would make me concerned that you wanted to get me pissed. That is a gift for the first time you have dinner at her place.

Not sure about the keyring. I'd be thinking "I already have a keyring that I like, because I choose things carefully. So are you going to expect me to have this keyring on every date now, if I haven't got it are you going to say 'oh where's that keyring I bought you' and get a sad on about me not using it?"

I'm not very good at receiving gifts, and that's not particularly unusual for many of us who grew up with a fucked up family. If you take a gift, there's a risk she won't like it. If you don't take one, there's no way she'll think" Fuck this guy, he should brought me a gift! "[/quote]
I was thinking that men often turn up with a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates or bottle of wine. Not always, but often enough for it to be a common thing to happen on a first date.

LynetteScavo · 19/08/2021 09:21

Not of the first date....maybe second or third date?

GreyCarpet · 19/08/2021 09:44

I was thinking that men often turn up with a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates or bottle of wine. Not always, but often enough for it to be a common thing to happen on a first date.

I've never been given flowers, chocolates or a bottle of wine on a first date (or at any time to he fair...). Thank God! The lack of imagination and just the walking cliché-ness of it... that would be a hard no from me.

Sunshineandflipflops · 19/08/2021 09:47

I don't know. A guy I dated brought along a novelty item relating to something we had chatted about but that was on our second date. made me laugh. Not sure about first date.

WTF475878237NC · 19/08/2021 09:48

My man (online dating) stayed up all night trying to bake me something I'd said I wanted to try. He is a baker anyway but had never made said baked treat before. The fact that he'd listened to me meant just as much as his sleepless night and I loved him for it! The second batch were amazing.

MazDazzle · 19/08/2021 09:59

No! Cringey and weird.

mintich · 19/08/2021 10:21

I wouldn't like to receive a gift on the first date. Save it for a few dates in

ThatIsQuiteACrane · 19/08/2021 10:28

My now-DH brought me a lolly on our first date, it was a joke from some jokey chat we'd had the very first night we met (which wasn't a date). I laughed a lot and have actually kept it for 20 years but it was a 10p lolly and was meaningful so didn't feel overwhelming.

namechangeandNC · 19/08/2021 10:39

I would not like this, some people don't like getting gifts in person especially when you don't know the person very well / have only just met.

BUT at whatever point it is you get her address.... I would just pop the stranger things keyring in the post with a "saw this and thought of you" note. I personally would like that lots more.

robotcollision · 19/08/2021 10:43

@GreyCarpet

I was thinking that men often turn up with a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates or bottle of wine. Not always, but often enough for it to be a common thing to happen on a first date.

Well yes, that's why the keyring shows more thought.

GreyCarpet · 19/08/2021 10:50

I agree but maybe not in the first date.

I also agree with those that a first meet isn't the same as a first date.

MissCruellaDeVil · 19/08/2021 10:52

I personally would love this!

ShitShop · 19/08/2021 10:56

@BatshitCrazyWoman

The first time you meet someone is not a first date. It's date zero. You may get on over text and even on the phone, but she may not be keen when she meets you, or vice versa.

If you do both want to see each other again, give her one of the things the next time. A bottle of beer would be odd to carry around with you, though ...

I've done a lot of online dating - any kind of gift the first time I met them would have been a hard no.

Agree with this. The first meeting should ideally be coffee or something quick, to establish if the connection you felt online is still there in real life. For women also it’s to check that you are who you say you are (men will want to make sure you look like your profile pic - women want to assess the likelihood you’re a rapist or an axe murderer, so will be on the lookout for every single red flag!). For me the gift/s - no matter how well intentioned - could be a red flag to some women, and therefore best left until a later date.

Hope you hit it off and have a great time!

Egghead68 · 19/08/2021 11:01

OnceTheyDid · 19/08/2021 11:43

I've given a book as a gift on a first date and received one from another - obviously only if you have spoken about books !

I think its nice.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 19/08/2021 13:12

[quote Suprima]@BatshitCrazyWoman

Erm, it is a date. With online dating or a blind date, of course you haven’t met before.

Who has the bloody time to go out on a pre-date vetting non-date? An internet stalk, a peek on LinkedIn and a video call does all of those things.[/quote]
It's not a first date, as they've never seen each other in the flesh before! I've had many OLD date zeros, it's very usual to not be that keen on the person when you do meet. All you 'know' is just a fantasy idea of a person, as a PP said.

PieceOfString · 19/08/2021 13:16

If it was a random gift it would be too much, but if it is an in-joke I think that's great, it's connected to what the two of you have had going on, so that's cool for me. Provided you don't hand it over with an intense gaze and spend the next half hour asking if she liked it. Done with humour - all good.

acolderwar · 19/08/2021 13:20

@OnceTheyDid

I've given a book as a gift on a first date and received one from another - obviously only if you have spoken about books !

I think its nice.

This is, in my opinion, the only acceptable item to be gifted on a first date.

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