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Original poster

Little gift first meet

70 replies

feeficken · 17/08/2021 18:40

Hello,

Man here, so I’ve been chatting to a lady on POF and we’ve been getting on well so having taken it off the app we’ve exchange numbers m, we’ve been texting for about a week and a half every day up to all hours and it’s been going well.

Well we’ve finally managed to arrange a meet up for the end of the week so see if the spark is there. However I was thinking of taking a small gift just a couple of novelty items if things we’ve spoken about like a bottle of her favourite beer and a small keyring with stranger things in it because she is a massive fan.

Do you think it’s too soon and come across as a bit full on?

OP posts:
Ivegotanewfridge · 17/08/2021 19:25

I don’t agree it makes you look desperate, they are very small but thoughtful and fun gestures. You clearly already have rapport and common ground.

Most of all, you need to be yourself. If she’s put off by the gesture then she’s not for you, and you’ll find one who is. I hope it goes well.

Lampan · 17/08/2021 19:28

Another saying definitely save it for the second/third date. I would find it way too much on a first date. Someone once bought me a scented candle to a first date and though I can see it was meant as a sweet gesture I thought it was very full-on and off putting.

KeepingOnKeepingUp · 17/08/2021 19:32

Second date. Please please don't do it on the first date. Think about it - no one will expect it so no one would be disappointed not to get a gift on date one. On the other hand, there are a lot of people (including me) that would be horrified by the idea so you won't get a second date from any of them.

Original poster
feeficken · 17/08/2021 19:38

Second it is then 😄

OP posts:
Leah2005 · 17/08/2021 19:39

It's a no from me. What would she do with a key ring if you meet and then didn't want to see each other again? A bottle of beer just seems off (I hate to say not very classy Hmm)

WatieKatie · 17/08/2021 19:39

I’d find it very uncomfortable on a first date, especially if this was the first time we’d met. Different if you’d been friends for years.

Personally I’d wait for the second or third date.

putthebinsout · 17/08/2021 19:42

Yeah I'd find it weird especially because if the personal nature of the things youve suggested. It's a bit try-hard.

I was bought a perfume before on a first date and I've had flowers before. I liked that because they're generic gifts amd didnt seem like too much effort had gone in to them.

Id rather have nothing though.

Enjoy your date!

Moonface123 · 17/08/2021 19:48

It's not too much, it shows thoughtfulness and effort, l would be happy to receive these, l hope your date goes really well.

Bananas52 · 17/08/2021 20:11

I dated someone who gifted me a book on the second date. It was a thoughtful gesture.

He’s now my husband.

I’d say do it!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 17/08/2021 20:13

Second date - lovely and thoughtful especially if something funny / ref to an in joke etc rather than too generically romantic

First date - too intense for most people IMO.

OhThatChicken · 17/08/2021 20:17

Stranger Things keyring absolutely yes. Bottle of beer is a bit random.

Although I’m sitting here laughing with my DH - on our first date I gave him a small Optimus Prime that I saw randomly in a shop a few days before we met. Thank god he didn’t think it was cringey or full on!

(He actually mentioned it in his speech at our wedding at it sat by the wedding cake on the dessert table!)

PornStarQuarantini · 17/08/2021 23:06

I think it sounds thoughtful OP, and personal. Go for it. Be you! If she doesn't like it she's not the one you're meant to be with.

nevernotstruggling · 19/08/2021 00:23

The first date with my dp he bought me a box of chocolates but it was a really hot day so he gave me them melted. It was a bit awkward but he was so nervous. The date was actually amazing and we really hit it off and have been together ever since. He bought me the same chocolates the other day to cheer me up. It did

BatshitCrazyWoman · 19/08/2021 06:05

The first time you meet someone is not a first date. It's date zero. You may get on over text and even on the phone, but she may not be keen when she meets you, or vice versa.

If you do both want to see each other again, give her one of the things the next time. A bottle of beer would be odd to carry around with you, though ...

I've done a lot of online dating - any kind of gift the first time I met them would have been a hard no.

Suprima · 19/08/2021 06:12

@feeficken

Hello,

Man here, so I’ve been chatting to a lady on POF and we’ve been getting on well so having taken it off the app we’ve exchange numbers m, we’ve been texting for about a week and a half every day up to all hours and it’s been going well.

Well we’ve finally managed to arrange a meet up for the end of the week so see if the spark is there. However I was thinking of taking a small gift just a couple of novelty items if things we’ve spoken about like a bottle of her favourite beer and a small keyring with stranger things in it because she is a massive fan.

Do you think it’s too soon and come across as a bit full on?

I think it’s a lovely idea Smile

I don’t know why people are saying it’s too much or using phrases like ‘showering with gifts’ - you have listened to her and have got her something very personal and nice. A thoughtful token is always welcomed.

My DP got brought me a little present, wrapped beautifully, specific to my hobby first time we met.

Suprima · 19/08/2021 06:18

I mean, I say always welcomed- but if she has had unthoughtful partners in the past or is not used to someone doing nice things, she may view it as lovebombing or slightly odd.

I fail to see why a man listening thoughtfully and buying a sweet token gift is a ‘hard no’ or ‘too much’ …to my mind, that is more odd. It’s a date, you’re not attending the council service desks to renew your parking permit. That would be odd.

There have been a few threads recently where a man planning an activity for a date independently was seen as ‘controlling’ and anyone who wished a man to do such a thing was a ‘princess’…so I would take your negative responses on here with a pinch of salt.

In hindsight, I do agree that a bottle of beer might be hard to carry around though.

TroysMammy · 19/08/2021 06:25

I took a bag of Tangfastics to our first date as they were our favourite sweets. We now have a cat called Haribo.

PurpleSapphire · 19/08/2021 06:27

Ick no, sorry! I'd run a mile Grin

BatshitCrazyWoman · 19/08/2021 07:01

@Suprima

I mean, I say always welcomed- but if she has had unthoughtful partners in the past or is not used to someone doing nice things, she may view it as lovebombing or slightly odd.

I fail to see why a man listening thoughtfully and buying a sweet token gift is a ‘hard no’ or ‘too much’ …to my mind, that is more odd. It’s a date, you’re not attending the council service desks to renew your parking permit. That would be odd.

There have been a few threads recently where a man planning an activity for a date independently was seen as ‘controlling’ and anyone who wished a man to do such a thing was a ‘princess’…so I would take your negative responses on here with a pinch of salt.

In hindsight, I do agree that a bottle of beer might be hard to carry around though.

It's not a date, they've never met each other before!
robotcollision · 19/08/2021 07:18

I'm amazed by the number of people who think it's cringey. I think it's sweet.(And sweet is a very good quality in a man imo. Massively undervalued.) You've already built up something of a relationship through chatting.

Just make sure you give it in a light hearted way: 'I saw this and thought it was a bit more fun than a bunch of flowers as a 'hello' gift.'

People often give generic gifts on first dates - so why not something with a bit of thought to it?

And why not ask on a public forum. That's what it's for. We all ask questions on here all day long. Why shouldn't you?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 19/08/2021 07:25

I would expect a minimum of a Fortnum & Mason hamper for first date.

(I don't get many... as you can imagine)

(Actually I haven't had one... Sad)

SarahBellam · 19/08/2021 07:46

No, second or third date. First date is just a scoping exercise.

iBrows · 19/08/2021 07:54

I think it’s sweet. Who doesn’t like a present? Leave them in the car until the end so she isn’t carrying beer around on the date.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 19/08/2021 07:59

@robotcollision
People often give generic gifts on first date

What?! Not in my world!

The only time I've received a gift on a first date it was a home ripped CD of his music. It was shit. There was no second date!

OP, I wouldn't particularly like it, but I wouldn't run away. However I would find the beer gift a bit off - it would make me concerned that you wanted to get me pissed. That is a gift for the first time you have dinner at her place.

Not sure about the keyring. I'd be thinking "I already have a keyring that I like, because I choose things carefully. So are you going to expect me to have this keyring on every date now, if I haven't got it are you going to say 'oh where's that keyring I bought you' and get a sad on about me not using it?"

I'm not very good at receiving gifts, and that's not particularly unusual for many of us who grew up with a fucked up family. If you take a gift, there's a risk she won't like it. If you don't take one, there's no way she'll think" Fuck this guy, he should brought me a gift! "

Goodthings · 19/08/2021 08:03

Agree, second date.