I know I’m overthinking but what would you do?! Urgent advice please!

[Klallls]

Been with DP about 8 months. We’ve only recently been staying over for longer periods a of say 3/4 consecutive nights. This last week I’ve stayed with him since Thursday night, so last night was night 5. It’s all been nice and no issues but I was supposed to leave today after he had gone to work (I work from home). We live around 1 hour fifteen minutes apart.

I ended up having to go into the office which is very close to his house. I finished at 6 and was exhausted. I don’t want to have to drive back at this time as I have a huge meeting tomorrow that I want to prep for. I would have prepped today but was asked to go into the office for something else so I’ve effectively lost that time.

Anyway. I messaged DP and just said I’ve just finished in the office and could really do with prepping my work this eve at the house as I am getting a bit anxious that I haven’t done the prep today. He’s still at work (always works late). So I’ve let myself back in with the only key (usually left in the letterbox).

He’s replied saying sure of course I can work from there this eve and that he will see me around half 7.

I don’t know if I’m being silly or overly anxious but does he presume I’m not staying over? And if so is that a bad sign for the relationship?

I realise after so long I should be able to be more direct with him about this and not worry, but he’s early 40s and been single since he was 29 so I know he likes his space and it’s only been the last couple of months we have really started to spend more time together. I guess I’m now worried he feels I’ve trapped him into having the evening together and I’m not sure where I stand with staying over?!

I know this is a complete drama and me overthinking but how would you deal with this?

Tbh, I'd have gone home.

After 5 nights with someone, I'd want own space for a bit.

But now you're in that situation, I'd tell him I was going to head off home at about 10 and see what he says. I presume he'll say either OK or there's no rush, you can stay.

You should head home.

@GreyCarpet I’m worried he will want his own space. I’m quite happy staying with him

That’s a good idea about suggesting when I would leave.

You are over thinking this. Don't you have some prepping to do?

Do you think I’ve risked ruining the relationship over this?

That's what I'd do if I was feeling like I was overstaying welcome. That way, you've already put it out there if he's quietly thinking he'd like a night/the bed to himself but is worried about your reaction.

I live alone and prefer it that way. I wouldn't want someone to effectively invite themselves for an extra night. One night, two af a push, is more than enough for me!!

Oh shit, op. I replied to the wrong thread. I'm sorry!!

@Klallls

Do you think I’ve risked ruining the relationship over this?

No.

Not if he's serious about you but I would explain why I asked to come back but them realised it would be an extra night and you both have things you need to be getting on with in your own homes.

Because surely that's true too?

I don’t understand what you’re fretting at. He’s said it’s fine for you to go back to his. Am I missing something?

I would message him back and say you can only stay for an hour or so after he is home, and make sure I leave at 8.30.

In his shoes I would feel railroaded, and a bit like you're using my home for your convenience.

Its still early days yet with you two. He was probably looking forward to a night alone after a few days with you.

Did he mean 7.30pm, as in he is working late as well.....

I'm completely lost. What's the (perceived) problem?

When he comes home I'd probably say something along the lines of
" Hi, I don't want to overstay my welcome and I know I'm a cheeky beggar but would you mind terribly if I just stayed tonight as I've a big meeting tomorrow?".
His reaction will speak volumes.
Very likely he won't mind at all.

I don't get it at all. You asked if you could work at his house. He said yes. What's the problem? Why are you anxious? Why do you think the relationship is ruined?

I'd have gone home anyway. It's not a long commute and your gut is telling you you've been there too long. 5 nights is a long time in a fairly new relationship where staying over for a bit is a novelty.

@Noshowwithoutpunch

When he comes home I'd probably say something along the lines of " Hi, I don't want to overstay my welcome and I know I'm a cheeky beggar but would you mind terribly if I just stayed tonight as I've a big meeting tomorrow?". His reaction will speak volumes. Very likely he won't mind at all.

Why would his response speak volumes?

I might really like someone but if they'd already stayed at my house for 5 nights and then invited themselves to stay for another, I'd be pissed off, tbh.

@RogueV

I don’t understand what you’re fretting at. He’s said it’s fine for you to go back to his. Am I missing something?

Yep this. I think you're worrying about nothing. If in doubt, ask him? Say what you've said here, that you've got an early start in the office tomorrow, so would it be ok to stay another night? Surely direct communication is always the best approach???

As long as you don’t do it every week don’t worry.

You explained you'd like to stay again. He said yes. He told you when he'd be back. It sounds a friendly message.

What ARE you worrying about?

Get on with the prep as you've sorted yourself the time and place to do it!

If someone asked me if they could stay a bit longer prepping under your circs I’d say yes of course. Because I’d want to help them.

However if I wanted my space I’d not be best pleased. I may wish they would go but wouldn’t say it as that’s bad manners.

So don’t overstay. Do your work and go. Don’t do it again unless you have to/are invited to.

When you pack up to go if they want you to stay they will insist you do. Not just an ‘are you sure you can’t stay’ but a full on insistence.

If they don’t insist you should go.

I think you should have driven home. It's surely easier to prep for a big meeting on your own, in your own space!

That said, if you're right for each other it's not a dealbreaker.

You have described his house as the house and, based on what you've written, you let yourself back I before he'd confirmed it was OK.

You've asked to work there but are now worried he hasn't understood you intend to stay the night. After 4 nights together he might have liked a night to himself and having invite yourself for another overnight stay you think it would be a bad sign for the relationship if he's not OK with that. If people are accustomed to living alone it takes a bit of time to adjust to having regular company, wanting a night to himself would not be a reflection on you.

I think you've taken a bit of a liberty, he will almost certainly be find about it.

Crack on with the presentation and see how the situation is when he arrives home.

Going forward stop overthinking things

There is nothing in your OP that tells me he thinks you are going home at half seven .

@Kinneddar

I'm completely lost. What's the (perceived) problem?

Me too!