I’m 48 he’s 34

[Bekindbekind]

Is this ridiculous?

We met via online dating, got chatting, really hit it off online. Met irl and it’s been great. Great chemistry, lots in common, lots of fun together.

The only thing that bothers me is the age difference. I don’t want a permanent relationship/marriage etc, so I’m not scared about him changing his mind about wanting children for example (I have some, he doesn’t.) But I do feel insecure about the age difference. I feel like I’m being silly to think that he could be attracted to me, although he clearly is. Thoughts?

I'm 48 and I get blokes wanting to shag me who are in their early 20s. And I'm no Marilyn Monroe! Sounds like you very sensibly just want the sex, so just crack on!

No, I actually really like him. I’m not after anything permanent but he’d make a lovely boyfriend, I could easily fall in love with him. I just feel so insecure. Really foolish!

Lucky cow

I used to see a woman 12 yrs older than me when I was in my 20s. By far the best intimate experience, never looked around for as long as we were together as she kept me satisfied physically and intellectually.

You know you don't want something serious so if he doesn't either then go for it! Even of you did want something serious if he did too that'd be ok too! There are millions of relationships with an age gap, and it's not only men who are the older of them. He wouldn't be dating you if he didn't fancy you would he? There are celebrities who are still thought of as sexy into old age. Being sexy isn't just about how you look either. You obviously do it for him so why not if you're having a good time together? Be careful, and be honest with eachother so you can stop things if your feeling start to go somewhere you don't want them to, but don't let an age gap be something that stops you having a good time with someone you like being with.

Just enjoy it

If you're both happy - go for it!

Age is ...a number isn't it? It's what the people behind the ages are like. Me and DH are the same age as we grew up together, but I wouldn't give age a second thought if I was happy with someone older / younger.

Enjoy!!

Why would it be ridiculous OP? Attraction isn't about people's ages. If you click with another adult, you click with them! I wouldn't think twice and I'd just go for it.

Well this is an excellent point @Chunkymenrock and it upsets me to have to face the extent to which I’ve apparently internalised the idea that women aren’t attractive or sexy past a certain age.

If I was answering my own question asked by anybody else, I’d give much the same answer as anyone has above.

And yet, faced by the situation myself, I feel like an unattractive old fogey (I realise this is ridiculous).

His ex is a bit younger than him, they’re good friends and I find myself wondering why on earth he’d want to be with me. Again, logically I know this is ridiculous.

I think I need to do some affirmations or something!

I'm 48 b/f is 34. I have kids, he doesn't but it might creep up if he starts to change - atm he is content and so am I. Life's too short.

My Dad is 16 years older than his wife. Why should it be different for women aside from the children but like I say I'll cross that path if we need to or if he turns into an arse in the future.

At the moment we're all we want, I can send him home, we haven't made future plans, I don't want to. I have my own house, job, routine, social life. But I love him, he's easy going, good company and funny, sex is great and we're making a go of it - in this moment.

Society conditions us to think all of this is crazy. It's not. Stop judging yourself - enough people will. Just go for it

@Akleom
What happened to your relationship with the older lady? Who ended it?

Ah just enjoy it lifes too short.. Lucky lady indeed

OP I know at least 5 men who have always gone for older women when dating. 3 of them are married to women 11-15 years older than themselves.

Just go with the flow and enjoy yourself. Your relationship could end up like Barbara Windsors.

Just enjoy it.
My ex was 13 years younger than me. It wasn't the age gap that was a problem, it was the fact he was a complete and utter knob.
He's now moved on to someone 22 years older than himself. Don't know if he's still a knob with her but as long as he is no where near me it's all good.

Have some fun. If he turns out to be a knob, get rid. Otherwise, just go with the flow!

My DSis is early 50s and has been with her BF for a couple of years - he is mid/late 30s. They have a wonderful committed relationship, full of fun and laughs as well as love and support. They are a great match for each other.

You're contradicting yourself a bit here

In your opening post, you're not bothered about him changing his mind and wanting children etc

You then go on to say you're insecure and worried he is going to leave you

I'd approach this as just a bit of fun. It's unlikely to last but you never know. It certainly won't last if you project your insecurity into him. One thing you cannot change is your age

Lucky cow. Enjoy!

OP I'm 42 and have got a few fwb who are late 20s and early 30s..
Dont over think it ,just enjoy it for what it is right now and see how things go.
Loads of men like an older woman, have fun with him no pressure or expectation.

Gosh this has given me food for thought. I am 48 abd have always avoided younger men, even when they hit on me as I was thought them seeing me naked would be too mortifying (even though I keep myself fit, my skin is still starting to sag). Maybe I will rethink!

@Wednesdayweather

Defo have a rethink.
I've had kids and got a bit of a belly and I cant stand my tits.
But younger men are really not bothered by the sight of a real woman they love it .
All the women in their age range are fake lips,shit loads of makeup contoured and not real looking ,that's what they tell me and they like softness and a real woman's body.
Give it a shot you will not be disappointed

@DickDastardly you make a good point and it’s difficult for me to articulate.

I’m not looking for something permanent. That’s true. But my insecurity in this case really comes from somehow feeling unattractive to him due to my age. I don’t feel the same when dating men of my own age.

@wednesdayweather I had a FWB aged 35 and he frequently told me that my body was amazing (it’s not really). A real ego boost I must say.

@Inthesameboatatmo that's not a particularly pleasant way to describe a younger woman is it? Would you like to be described as an ageing, sagging has-been? Probably not. I know I wouldn't!

@Aliceclara her focus turned to her child who was very poorly. I was very supportive of her decision and offered to play a part, but she wanted to deal with it herself & kept me seperate. Eventually she drifted away, and I respected that.

My DP is 13 years older than me, it shouldn't make any difference the other way round! Provided that he doesn't want kids atm then there isn't really an issue, things obviously can change but so can any relationship. I'd just go with it is you're both happy atm.

@dickdarstedley.
I'm not describing them the men are , and I wouldn't give a shit if someone described me like that because it wouldn't be far off.
It's just people's honest opinions.
Opinions are like arseholes everyone has got one and are entitled to say what they like.