Angry about a comment to neighbour

[Avenueofcherryblossom]

The dog of a neighbour is recovering from an operation. DH and I have each messaged the neighbour to check on how the dog is recovering, DH has had a more extensive text conversation than me. The neighbour has mentioned in reply to DH that her primary age son doesn’t seem to be that bothered about the level of discomfort the dog is suffering. I would put that down to their age and just not recognising what the dog is going through. In DH’s reply he states that I was the same with our own, now dead, dog. I loved our dog wholeheartedly and I am really angry and hurt that he a) chooses to think I didn’t care that much about our dog, who we had for 18 years and b) tells a neighbour such.
I know the message was sent because he showed it to me. As soon as I saw it I told him that I was hurt and angry. He justified the comment by reminding me that he sat up all night with our dog the night before it was PTS. There was no particular reason to, he just wanted to. He is also using my comments about me being a terrible nurse (in relation to pandering to his various low level illnesses and injuries over the years) as further evidence.

I have told DH that I am not interested in having conversations with him because I am hurt and angry but he has spent the last 24 hrs talking at me as though nothing has happened. Every now and again I tell him I’m still not interested in chatting because I still feel upset and he just gets angry and storms off.

Superficially it is all very childish but as far as I am concerned he has created a false reality which puts me in a bad light; told someone else that I am unfeeling; refuses to acknowledge my feelings, or to recognise my right to those feelings; and by getting angry with me is turning it round to make me look like the bad guy.

I think what I’m looking for here is some validation that I’m not getting in real life.

I have messaged the neighbour to say that what DH wrote was a lie.

You've explained well that he's wrapped up in himself. Extending the dog's life, just because he wasn't ready, making it travel 400miles to its home town to be PTS, all about his feelings. Sounds like he's become self absorbed during retirement. How is he at childcare and domestic duties while you work?
Be aware that there is no such thing as his or her savings if married in UK. It's all considered half of one pot each, so the more you save, the more you are saving for him too. If you are doing 50/50 care for DC all assets are likely to be 50/50 also.

The whole thing with your dog is utterly selfishness and he is putting you down over it to justify his awful behaviour which was so cruel to your DDog

X posted. Might want to consider half of the assets sooner rather than later in that case, as there is no 'he has' you are entitled to half of everything as a starting point.

Opentooffers he is terrible at looking after the house, it is such an overwhelming mess. I can’t make a dent in it because he is always at home making a mess and if I do get a room clean & tidy he just immediately transfers crap from elsewhere.

Do you think it's fair for your child to live in this atmosphere for 5 more years?

if we ever separated

Start saying "when we separate" and start making plans.

And as a PP has said, is it fair on your child to have to live like this for five more years?

@Avenueofcherryblossom

A word of warning - the fact that your savings are separate to his will be meaningless when it comes to divorce. They will count as a marital asset and will go into the pot to be shared out along with everything else Noted, thanks. It won’t be an issue as he has assets worth tens of thousands more than I can ever hope to save. I was thinking more in terms of having my own savings to help me out in the short term if we ever separated.

In that case you are doing the right thing, and it could be quite helpful for you before the financial settlement is sorted.