Fiancee's crush on colleague. Help.

[Outwiththeoldisit]

My partner has a pretty big crush on his colleague. I mean big. I'm invisible if she's in the room pretty much. They worked together about 5 years ago for a few months until she had an accident and left. Today hes come home saying she's been back on odd days and intending on becoming full time.
I'm gutted. Hes been in such a happy mood since.
What do I do?

Tell him you know and it's over

Don't let yourself be second best. Leave him.

I would not be hanging around. He wants her more than you. It’s an affair waiting to happen. That’s no way to live.

He confessed to you that he has a crush on her? Or are you saying this because she is intimidating/very beautiful/ intelligent and you FEEL he MIGHT like her and he seems happier these past few days? We need more details. But above all you dont need anyone's permission to leave
Just go if you think thats the best for you.

I'd end it and explain why

My ego and self esteem would not allow for this. I'd have to end it.

How do I you know he has a crush- has he told you? You don’t deserve to feel second best 💐

I think crushes are natural and fine. Mumsnet is batshit about them. Everyone has crushes and they are absolutely no reason to break up a family.

When I was younger, I'd have desperately tried to cling onto him and the relationship.

With the wisdom of years, I would now never hang around feeling second best. Plenty more opportunities out there to be happy on your own or with someone else - don't waste energy stressing over a man who isn't worth it. Use that energy to enjoy your life instead.

Has he told you he has a crush on her? 5 years is an awfully long time to have a crush.

You need to speak to him and say you feel invisible. You can’t go on like this x

Have you got a wedding date and a wedding planned?

What's her situation OP? My ex fancied his colleague for about 6 years, always denied it but I knew. I left him and guess what, a couple of months later she left her husband for him and they've been together ever since! Sometimes you just know, don't feel second best. It could of course be nothing..

I wouldn't be marrying the guy.

Children? Shared financial commitments? What are your circumstances?

It's clear his interest is her, not you. Does he expect you to wait quietly in the background, until he makes a decision?

You know those ducks we talk about? Line them up. There's a song...

Don't marry him, don't get pregnant. Make yourself as strong as you can for whatever comes next.

Yeah I wouldn't want to carry on feeling like second choice. Have you spoken to him at all?

Crushes might be a part of life, I wouldn't expect a partner to develop tunnel vision aimed at me for a lifelong relationship but there's a difference between noticing a woman on the bus, or thinking someone you work with is quite attractive and fun and who knows if you weren't with someone else etc, and these thoughts being consistent and noticeable and affecting your partner's feelings.

@Mn753

I think crushes are natural and fine. Mumsnet is batshit about them. Everyone has crushes and they are absolutely no reason to break up a family.

There's a difference between a crush and becoming oblivious to the woman you're engaged to marry when another woman is in the room...

Thanks for the replies. He hasn't admitted it and wouldn't.
I just knew from the way he interacted with her in my presence. Mentionitis (years ago).
Also he seems alot more affectionate with me recently. (It's not an affair. I'm sure. )
She has a partner, they are not married no kids. I'm not sure she's interested in my partner tho.

You’re either the dream woman or you’re nobody to him. There’s no inbetween that will lead to any long term happiness

My bf had a noticeable thing for a colleague about four years ago, when I'd just had our daughter. He admitted finding her attractive but said nothing would even happen (probably wouldn't have done at the time m, actually, as she she was secretly and merrily fucking another colleague, also with a gf and children. Had to abort that colleague's baby when it all went tits up). She then left to work somewhere else.
When she returned three years later, and despite her colourful history of fucking people she works wuth, they had an EA of about three months before I discovered messages detailing their sexual encounter on Boxing Day last year. Delightful.
I'd be very fucking watchful if I were you. But I'd do, I'm afraid, with an awareness that he may well have checked out already, and that there'll be nothing you can do to 'nip it in the bud' (MN favourite).

So many typos there, sorry. Still gets my back up.

@Itsbeen84yearss simply said but would be among the best relationship advice I have ever read. Needed to hear that.

Bin him

So if they worked together for a few months 5 years ago and haven't been working together since I'm not sure how you've concluded all of this?

Surely if they only worked together for a few months he wouldn't have been massively close to the point that you were around her a lot to observe them together?

Also, if they've only recently seen each other after 5 years it seems a massive jump for people to be saying 'bin him'

What am I missing??