I want the life other people have.

[Doesthisgetbetter]

I’m really unhappy in my life. I look at social media and out and about at people who have kids and a partner and a dog and I want that life.

I carry so much past trauma from abusive marriage and illnesses thanks to that I’ll have forever. I’m so tired of it all. Struggling as a single parent with no father and they are struggling and playing up, I think they blame me and have started to tell me they hate me and want another mum. I’m struggling to keep working and juggling with childcare, I’m tired all the time from my illness. I’m tired of just struggling all the time and cry at night.

Is this my life now, I want what other have, I feel so different.

@Doesthisgetbetter please don't assume everyone is living in a beautiful rose garden , especially ones on SM

Life is rarely prefect , good times and bad
You sound really overwhelmed and need some you time
Can you get a break at all? Please speak to your GP about trying other meds or therapies as you seem to continue to struggle
Do you sleep well ? I find I can cope with most things as long as I can sleep but as soon as I have a bad night I feel as if I can't cope with anything at all ..
sending you a hug lovely 💐

Have you looked at various ways to help manage your symptoms like anti inflammatory diet, reducing stress and vitamin d.

It’s awful how little support people get with chronic illnesses.

Yes @Foghead I’ve read so many things and have a cabinet full of vitamins, none of which help. I find it almost impossible to de stress, the kids, finances, the worry if I get so ill I can’t work is worrying me so much which is a vicious circle.

Try EMDR therapy it deals with past trauma, google it. I'm having it at 34 for child hood trauma of losing my dad to suicide.

It's life changing I wish I had done it years ago.

Facebook is fake. Just because you see happy pictures it doesn't mean it's true. I remember when I was around 22 and my best friends boyfriend dumped her. She was devastated so she used Facebook and me and various other friends and took photos of every little thing. To make it look to every one that she was happy.
I my self years ago had serve PND put lots of happy pics making me look like I was a natural at motherhood and really I was crying every day.
I'm married with kids now struggling with life at the min I'm lost In fact.

I'm not sure what the answer is I guess my point is comparing your life to other peoples doesn't help. I'm learning that now.

I hope all your dreams come true OP x

Oh God for heavens sake ditch the boyfriend. Doesn't sound as if he is helping you at all.

You are better off by yourself. Surely?

Yeah I know Facebook is fake because I often post pics and we all look happy but I’m not. I just so badly want…..I don’t even know what it is that I want. I want to feel safe and secure and supported I guess instead of constantly needing to worry and feel alone and unwell. I have so much to be happy about but I’m just not. I think I’m just so use to living unhappy I’m stuck.

It's horrible, I know. I have multiple, serious and life limiting illnesses. It impacts everything we do (or don't do). I have a DH and two children similar ages to you. My children dont say the same as yours however, they do say things which very clearly let me know that they know I'm different. They get scared when I am in hospital that I won't come home. When I do come home they're scared of me going out again as they think I won't. They know I can't join them for weekend activities as I'm too unwell. They know so much that I don't think that children of their age should know. And it's my fault.
I lie in bed and hear them with my DH and I just feel awful about it. I can't take them out by myself during the holidays as I'm not well enough to leave the house without DH to help.
It's really lonely and you feel that you're just letting everyone down - I get that.
Your children are expressing this, I would imagine, the way they know how. At 6 it is coming out the way they're saying it just now which is obviously really hurtful to you - that they would like an other mum. But 6 year olds don't yet have the ability to work out that this would hurt you. They're expressing frustration at a situation and that's kind of where 6 year olds stop - they don't yet have the cognitive ability to understand that the way they've expressed it could hurt the person at the receiving end.

You're doing your best though and that's all we can ever do. You got them out of a dangerous situation with their dad - and whilst they don't understand all this now - and your illness, they will when they're older.

I think you need to find a time to discuss with your partner the actual implications of your illness. It's hard - I struggle with it and I've been with my DH for decades - it isn't always obvious to others whats going on and what you're struggling with. It's also often tricky to have that conversation because by the time the children are in bed, you're most likely exhausted and not able to have a proper talk about it. But it would be good if you could find time to have that chat and fully explain - if you can't, you could alwsys write it down for him - I've done that as well in the past.

ME absolutely sucks donkey dong. Are the NHS support groups running right now? Or any type of support group.

Your dd is clearly acting out of her feelings. Once they go back to school in September I'd suggest asking school for help.

Your partner sounds like he is a net loss to your life, so I'd get rid. Unless he literally shits diamonds 😂

He really isn’t so bad but why should he put up with me feeling fatigued all the time when he could have someone normal and healthy. It’s only been a year he really doesn’t have to have this life, I don’t have a choice. I try and keep up with him and I just can’t .

@Doesthisgetbetter

He really isn’t so bad but why should he put up with me feeling fatigued all the time when he could have someone normal and healthy. It’s only been a year he really doesn’t have to have this life, I don’t have a choice. I try and keep up with him and I just can’t .

I ask myself the same thing - and I ask my DH directly sometimes - why are you with me, I'm so unwell all the time and I alwsys will be - why are you with me ? I've even at times told him, with all sincerity he could leave me and I wouldn't hold it against him as this is such a shit situation. But here we are still married and his latest anniversary card made it clear he wanted to be together with me until the end.

He stays with you because be loves you I assume?

@CordeliasPencil I know what it feels like. My mum has m.s and I was terrified as a child she would die, I grew up with illness and I don’t want this for mine. I am scared I will be alone with this and how I will care for them. They can’t go to their father, they haven’t seen him for 2 years and he is a very abusive man. I need to work to pay for the house but I feel so tired all the time, I’m scared for the future.

I also feel so much guilt for my children for giving them a terrible father and ruining their lives. I was so weak.

He doesn’t really know the real me, I fake being well. If he knew how ill I feel every day and how much pain and fatigue I felt I doubt he would last long, after a year he can’t like me that much. There must be some good parts to me but they are hard to sustain.

I feel like ending it to stop this charade and to save the pain of being left.

[quote Doesthisgetbetter]@CordeliasPencil I know what it feels like. My mum has m.s and I was terrified as a child she would die, I grew up with illness and I don’t want this for mine. I am scared I will be alone with this and how I will care for them. They can’t go to their father, they haven’t seen him for 2 years and he is a very abusive man. I need to work to pay for the house but I feel so tired all the time, I’m scared for the future.

I also feel so much guilt for my children for giving them a terrible father and ruining their lives. I was so weak.[/quote]
No no no no OP just no.

You did not give them a terrible father - you got them safely AWAY from their terrible father.

Ruining their lives would have been staying with them, not this. What you've done, was the very strongest thing you could do to protect your children.

I see you have said that you wish you could end it. I understand OP, I know how that feels. Do you think you are safe though? Do you think that you need more support than you are getting? Is there anyone other than your partner that you can talk to if you're afraid of talking to him for now?

I think you still should be honest with him but appreciate your hesitant to do so - but is there anyone else?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way - it sounds like things are really tough for you at the moment.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected] and may find our Domestic Violence information helpful.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks everyone and take care, OP - please do give us a shout if we can help further.

When I say end it sorry I meant end the relationship with my boyfriend.