affair with best friend

[libmum]

Have just discovered e-mails to my husband from my best friend. I confronted husband who admitted to an emotional affair that has been carrying on for about a year, with e-mails and meeting for coffee etc. We were best friends with her and her husband and went on holidays together with the kids. Her and her husband want me to forgive and go back to how we used to be. Is this possible? We used to have a good laugh and beach bbqs in the summer, life will be different without them and people will notice - how do I explain the 'falling out' to our other friends. Don't know what to do?

What do you mean by emotional affair? I personally wouldn't want anything more to do with them and stuff what your other mates think.

Sod what she an dher husnabd want you to do. Get some balls and stand up for yourself!!

Emotional affair in that there was lots of intimacy but not full on sex - just flirting and kissing!

libmum, fuck him off and her too.
Tell other people they were acrrying on behind your back, and let them take the flack they deserve.

I assume by 'emotional affair' you mean they did everything except the physical??

IMO, that's worse, I couldn't fogrive my DP no matter what, because I know how much it takes for him to do anything, but the guys who ahve slept with tons of women and see sex as quite casual I could forgive for a drunken one night stand, but no way would I forgive the fact that people had the thoughts and intentions and decieved me for a year. No way.

You deserve better.

kissing is way too intimate. get shot of the lot of them

oh oh, they kissed too??

It was likely just a matter of time before they ahd sex then, or they're lying scumbags (well, they already are, but maybe they're lying more)

Gosh I wish we could still put people in the stocks.

I agree with NAB.
I think the other husband is likely so desperate to keep his wife and the status quo he is hoping you'll accept it, betcha bottom dollar if you tell them to get stuffed he will eventually.

I'm sorry but either way all the relationships here are ruined, yours and her friendship, her DH and your DH's, and then two marriages to boot.

Selfish twunts.

I have to agree with NAB - why should they dictate to you how you should feel and what you should do?

And why should you explain the falling out? That's their job.

It's they who have the work to do, not you. They both need to gain your trust again - and that has to come from a lot of hard work on their part. It sounds as if they think that you should just move on since there was no sex - but kissing is hugely intimate, and in any case the emotional involvement of any affair is just as bad as the physical involvement IMO.

Victoriansqualor - your last comment made me smile!

Problem is all our friends are mutual friends, we live on a small island and it'll only be a matter of time before we bump into them socially, then what do I do? I'll hate having my social life cut in two because people will only invite us or 'them'

I do want to try to patch things up with my husband despite the deceit.

just flirting and kissing.. i think that is enough!

if my best friend was kissing my husband on a regular basis, and then wanted me to forget about it, i think it would be a deal breaker for me with both of them

and the emailing for a year...

they have both betrayed you and need to face up to what they have done.

despicable behaviour from both of them,

what does her DH think?

Her DH thinks that it should be kept to ourselves to stop people gossiping. He'd like things to go back to how they were. He's had an affair in the past so I think this is why he's reacting in this way.

She's desparate for me to meet her face to face so she can apologise. How can this help?

I'd meet up with her, just to hear her insipid excuses and then tell her that she was no longer a friend of mine and I hope it was worth it.

How do they honestly expect you to carry on talking to her, if you're going to make a go of things with your DH then she has to be out of your lives for good.

As for the gossiping they shouldn't have done it then!

i'd meet with her... just so i could have the pleasure of telling her what a conniving , faithless, repellent cow she was....

her DH is obviously taking this on the chin as his just desserts for his affair,

very unfair to make you feel beholden to either of them

how can you make things work with your DH if that is what oyu want, when he won;t accept what he has doen!

right, stop and think for a minute.
imagine them kissing.
meeting for coffee.
lying to you about where they were.
secret smiles and glances when all four of you were together.

think hard.
can you really forgive that?
i know i couldn't, they are supposed to care about you. you are supposed to be able to trust them. they have taken advantage of you, and betrayed you in the most terrible way. let them explain to the gossips what happened, its the least they can do!

I am tempted to write to her to tell her what I think of what she 'did, it really is the ultimate betrayal.

I'm the innocent party here but I feel like I'm being punished - my whole life has been blown apart, people won't take sides but if there's a big social gathering, it'll be hard to invite both couples won't it. She's a very social person and very pushy when it comes to seeing people so she'll make sure she's involved in anything going on and socialise constantly with our friends. They've ruined so much for what? A bit of fun and excitement?

make sure everyone else knows?

tell teh truth, you are the injured party here

Are you crazy? She's not your friend.

I would tell all your mutual friends how they've been carrying on and how you are trying to sort things out with your husband, despite her being a conniving, selfish biatch and telling you to keep things quiet.

Then see how many events/parties she gets invited to.

they will be the ones excluded. you have done nothing wrong and your other friends will see that!

with friends like that you really don't need enemies.

libmum people will make up there own mind about her if they know the truth, they will know whats shes been doing for a whole year if you tell them all straight, why should you be punished or feel punished for what your DH and your x best friend have done? Why do men do this to us?
and as for her dh asking you to stay friends thats just way to much!

A man's opinion (for what it's worth).

Make sure you don't just blame the other woman, your guy is most at fault for the mess you are in, he is the one who made a commitment to you and owes you the loyalty most.

Sorry but he sounds like a pr**k to me.

In respect of your 'friend' (soon to be ex friend I hope) I agree with other opinions above.... 'out' her, let mutual friends know what has happened, anything else will disadvantage you most.

Best of luck.

the secretive/sordid/furtive/concealed interaction they had ws so so wrong and putting a spin on it = calling it emotional affair is like polishing a turd franklythey lied and had intimacy.

libmum - put yourself first, deep breath have a good think what you want/need to do

understandably of course you are anxious about the ramifications of this the mortification of it all. You are not to blame though

frankly i would let everyone know what a pair of hedonistic fuck-bunnies they are

i so hope you are okay, this must be dreadful and will take time to heal

Crumbs..pitchfork anyone??

Horrible position to be put in, but we are 'human', with human frailties.

Libmum is stating her wish to resurrect her relationship with dh - a very resourceful-intensive and brave postition to adopt, and admiral.

if the two involved here have not 'consumated' their unfaithfulness in over a year, it implies a hope for their own sense of morality, albeit pretty mudied at the moment.

Sorry to interupt....

i would stick a pitchfork up their jacksie