affair with best friend

[libmum]

Have just discovered e-mails to my husband from my best friend. I confronted husband who admitted to an emotional affair that has been carrying on for about a year, with e-mails and meeting for coffee etc. We were best friends with her and her husband and went on holidays together with the kids. Her and her husband want me to forgive and go back to how we used to be. Is this possible? We used to have a good laugh and beach bbqs in the summer, life will be different without them and people will notice - how do I explain the 'falling out' to our other friends. Don't know what to do?

admiral indeed..so they are all at sea, then!! admirable, mais oui.

The husband has already cheated once.....

Her friend has betrayed her but it is her husband who is most at fault. I could not be friends with her any more but you cannot treat her as the devil just to take the heat of your husband because you want to forgive him.

If you want to sort things out with your DH, I would suggest that you will need to do it without the "support" of you best friend couple.

Just think about what message you are sending to your husband. He cheats twice, once with your best friend. You forgive him, again and again.

Are you sure they are telling the whole truth?

I agree that your DH was the one who owed you the most, therefore being the most at fault, but this is a marriage, and although I doubt very much I personally could give it another go, that is your decision.
She can't be painted as the Devil and him absolved of all guilt, but it's the friendship that is irrepairable imo, and I would make sure everyone knew exactly what had happened, and that you're not only really hurt, but worried that it will affect your frindship circle.
I doubt many people will invite her rather than you once they know what has happened.

Don't want to be overly negative but whenever anyone I know has confessed to an 'emotional affair' is has always, in the end, transpired that, yes, actually, they were having sex.

Libmum - your situation sounds horribly claustrophobic with all these people on an island and it must be really hard for you to get the space you need to sort this out. But I think you can only make things work with your DH if you get some distance from your circle. Cos right now you're being bullied, by your friend, her DH, your DH and also a social pressure. I think if you get some perspective you'll realise that there are nicer people than that out there. F* the BBQs! You won't enjoy them with this couple, so cut them out now and save yourself misery.

Good luck.

I have no advice to offer, but it sounds as if your island should be the setting for a 5x weekly BBC drama to replace "Neighbours".

god i hate cheaters and liars. if you do decide to forgive, will you ever really be able to trust either of them again?

wouldn't it just be simpler to get the hell out of there, leave them to their sordid little mess and her husband to his meek complicity and give yourself a fresh start?

i'm not saying it would be easy. from experience it can take more to walk away from a relationship. just remember this is your life, and you have a right to pursue your own happiness.

I hardly post, but really had to this time.

A true best friend wouldn't try to mess up your life like this. Do not ever forgive her. She's using your friendship as a smokescreen to carry on her sordid little affair and to liven up her dull little life. Do not give her the satisfaction by contacting her.

What a pair of twunts