Does your partner do your head in whilst driving?

[DuchessOfDisaster]

We have been out for the afternoon and I drove back because my partner had a few drinks with lunch (it was his birthday). He's a terrible, terrible passenger. Always criticising my driving, telling me what to do and when, complaining that I get too near the kerb/the middle of the road/other vehicles/'steam into' junctions etc. I don't, and I am a nervous wreck driving with him in the car. He will tell me when to pull out of a junction, "Go! Go! Go!" which I won't do unless I can see for myself that the coast is clear. He sees this as hesitating.

Funnily enough I don't get this with other passengers, and I don't feel anxious driving by myself. The only other person who has criticised me for driving is, yes, another guy, my ex-husband. He was ten times worse, too.

He says "you know I am a s**t passenger" as if that makes it all right. Now, how do I get around this?

Refuse to drive him anywhere?
Insist we get public transport/taxis everywhere?
Not go out with him at all?

Seriously - who else has had this and how did you resolve it?

Does your partner do your head in whilst driving?

No

Now, how do I get around this?

Make it clear you are not driving him anywhere whilst he does it. Then stick to it.

No, my partner doesn't do my head in while I'm driving. What your is doing sounds downright dangerous!

You don't need to get around it. He either behaves like a grown up, walks or drives himself. Its not hard.

Mine does this alot, I haven't found a solution yet but I do take pleasure (petty I know) in reminding him that I have a unblemished driving record whereas he has been the cause of an accident due to his lack of concentration and has ran up several speeding and parking tickets.

Yes. Dh currently can't drive due to a medical condition and he drives me crazy, although he is improving. I can't say I just won't drive him as then he couldn't get to work and I'd have to do everything solo. No advice tho, sorry! I can't wait to be the passenger again!

Very occasionally, less nowadays. I learnt to drive later in life. He helped teach me to drive and has been in teacher mode ever since.

I've found pointing out his bad behaviour and asking him to stop does help. I've also stopped the car on very rare and extreme moments and made him drive.

It sounds incredibly childish but the best solution I found was when I started point out his driving failings; clipping a curb, going over the speed limit, missed a gear, skidding etc. I wouldn't normally dream of doing it to anyone else. It gave him a taste of his own medicine and I think made him more aware of his own behaviour. He's not perfect, but is much better.

Mine is absolutely awful. Apparently I’m the one at fault as I can’t take criticism . I can’t see why I have to?? He’s earnt the right to drive everywhere if I’m in the car, while I chill out on my phone. His dad is the same with his mum.

Yes, a bit. DH's worst habit is leaning forward to look for traffic at junctions and BLOCKING my view of oncoming traffic then complaining when I don't pull out because I can't actually see and judge any on-coming traffic for myself!

DH was like this, now he has to drive everywhere and bloody regrets what he was like.
Sort of shot himself in the foot as I don't normally drink and we live miles away from anywhere so he can't drink.

Oh god yes!

He'll be all like.. Binary..brakes...there's a. Car there...brakes!...did you even see that car???

To which, I'll reply "what the car in front that I have smoothly braked for and come to a complete and gentle stop 6 feet away?....no, didn't see it at all. Better do an emergency stop before I plough into the back if them... 🙄"

Or mostly I'll say "would you like to drive? I'll stop and we can swap"

No my dh definitely doesn't do this! I'd refuse to drive him anywhere if he did. That's the approach I'd take with yours - if he's such an expert, he can be 100% responsible for all driving.

My ex was an awful passenger - not often critical, but clearly on edge. I found a wonderful fix was to get him to choose music for the trip & DJ for the whole journey. He's no longer around but I use this for moody teenagers or anyone who seems to need their mind taken off things.

Make him sit in the back.

@Funnylittlefloozie

Make him sit in the back.

🤣🤣

Exactly what I was going to say Floozie lol

He will tell me when to pull out of a junction, "Go! Go! Go!" which I won't do unless I can see for myself that the coast is clear. He sees this as hesitating

He needs to sit in the back and to learn that if he behaves like this again, there will be consequences. You'd hope that your distress would be enough to make him stop, but no. Some men simply don't really care about their wives' emotions or boundaries.

ExH was a bloody liability when driving. He only learned to drive because he took a job miles away and there was no public transport to get there. He wrote off 3 cars, and crashed a further 3 in 6 months after passing his test. Not just little incidents. Some of them include:
• Ploughing in the back of a stationary queue of traffic
• Crashing into the back of a rubbish lorry
• Crashing into a stationary motorbike at low speed when turning right. The motorbike went over the bonnet of my brand new car. He never offered to get her fixed

I still worry when he drives DS. DS says he uses his phone when he drives and it worries me sick.

Refuse to drive him anywhere?

Yes.

“You know I’m a bad passenger” is no excuse. He can either learn to be a good passenger, or he can always be the driver. His choice!

I wouldn't put up with this.

Those of you that do, why on earth?

Talk about it with him. DH was like this the first time I drove his car. We talked about how it made me feel and how I needed him to be. He talked about his feelings about it. He doesn’t do it anymore.

@jendifer

Talk about it with him. DH was like this the first time I drove his car. We talked about how it made me feel and how I needed him to be. He talked about his feelings about it. He doesn’t do it anymore.

I'll try this, but I have told him before. I will probably start before the journey commences and ask him not to make any comment, and if I need directions etc I'll ask him. That might elicit an "all right" in a huffed tone, though!!

Today, I had no choice but to drive, he had had two pints of Guinness.

The ironic thing is, though, that if I am driving somewhere I'm not sure of and ask him for guidance he will just tell me to 'read the road'. I can't read the road if I'm not clear where I'm going!

You don't have to drive him anywhere ever OP.

Tell him if he does it again you won't drive him any more.

Then stick to it.

I stopped driving my partner when he started doing this. He drives for work so is therefore an expert.
Oh, and parking on the drive once I made him get out because he was so critical, and then thought ‘bugger it’ and left the car where it was (on the wonk as he’d got me all flustered, but no danger to anyone!)

Today, I had no choice but to drive, he had had two pints of Guinness.

You had a choice whether to have him as a passenger. I'd have told the picky cunt to get a taxi.

Yup. She curses and swears at other road users, carries on like they are liabilities who are a threat to others when they are driving perfectly well, and seems to be oblivious to the fact that she weaves all over the lane on straight roads, is incapable of slowing to a gradual halt, and frequently slams the brakes on causing passengers heads to jolt forwards, even when she's driving at low speeds to begin with.

It's getting to the point whereby any time we are going anywhere in the car I'm finding it difficult to insist that I drive. Of course, that's me being 'arsey' and implying I don't trust her driving. No, it's just bloody tiresome being subjected to the same irate commentary every time we go anywhere.

'difficult to not insist'