What do you call this behaviour?

[Hulalucy]

My current partner can be so nice, loving and caring. However, there is also a very frustrating side to him. He wants to be able to live his life doing what he wants & when it comes to this, his lack of consideration for me goes out the window. He thinks he should do what he wants, when he wants & I should be happy for him that he’s enjoying himself. But, surely when you’re in a couple, you can’t always do what you want? Surely you should be considerate of your partner? He wants to have his mate round every weekend to watch sport. Every. Weekend. He wants to be able to go on long weekends away when he wants. If I’m not well he wants to still be able to have people over. If I raise any issues I’m “causing drama”. I don’t mind him doing things but it gets to a certain point where i feel like he takes the piss. For example, if he gets invited out 3 nights in a row, he will go. Whereas I might do 1 or 2 and then arrange the other one for another week. I consider him in my plans but I don’t feel like I get that from him. If he does consider me and not go to one thing then he seems to be mad and resentful deep down about it. And it makes it even more frustrating that he gets so defensive if I raise any issues about this. There’s so many other examples of where he doesn’t consider me but don’t want to get into too many specifics. Is this normal?? I like to do my own thing too but I feel like if I always wanted to do what I want without considering someone else then I would just be single??

@TiredButDancing the funny thing is that if I matched the things he does he would not like it. I once went out for a couple of hours twice in a row. I was only gone for 2 hours each night. And he didn’t like it. He doesn’t specifically say that but makes comments and passes it off as a “joke”. However If I was to make such a joke about him always being out I would be “having a go” or he would just shut any conversation about it down. Its hard to give an accurate picture of us on here and like I say he does have a lot of good points. But in certain situations he is just so selfish. For example he was due to meet my brother and his wife for the first time towards the start of our relationship. We went to a bar he didn’t like so said he would go meet his mate in another pub and when we were done to find him. The night was about him meeting my family. He couldn’t just stay for one hour in a bar he didn’t like?

Selfish

@Hulalucy - you say this happened at the start of this relationship?

Can you explain why this was not also the end of the relationship?

You need to raise your bar. Men like these can literally SMELL women who suffer from Doormat-Syndrome. This is why he chose you!

@FlowerArranger it was about 3 months in & i’ve always been told I throw in the towel too easy! I also didn’t think it was enough to break up over at the time.

So he doesn't like you going out either. He's inconsiderate and selfish and you deserve better.

I think you calling him your current partner is very telling. Almost as if you know the relationship isn't going to continue. While you're with him, you're off the market. Throw him back and allow yourself to cast your net wider.

I don’t think he’s being malicious it’s just who he is.

And that means he will not understand this is unacceptable behaviour nor will he ever change it.

@Hulalucy

The hard thing is I know he would be gutted if I left him. I don’t think he’s being malicious it’s just who he is.

Hello ? Anyone actually believe this ?

It's not 'just who he is', it is who he is ! Can you see the difference ?

He is a selfish prick who has never and will never regard you and your feelings as worthy of his consideration ! (regardless of the 'lip service' he pays the idea ).

At the 'early' stages of your 'relationship' he wouldn't even stay in a bar he didn't like for you FFS ! And this was in the 'early' stage in your 'relationship', when you're supposed to be still trying to please/impress a 'new' partner !!

And later in the relationship, he has zero issues in pulling YOU up on your 'behavior' and lack of 'consideration', but he calls it nagging if you do it !

At some point, you need to stop 'believing' what he says as opposed to what he actually does. i.e He's showing you who and what he is, but you're still thinking he doesn't mean it .
Yes he does mean it.

[quote updownroundandround]@Hulalucy

You cannot continue to live 'selfishly' when you are in a relationship.

If he cannot consider you/your feelings/your needs now, he'll never be able to.

Just think about him behaving like this when you have children....... It'll still be all about him and his needs and his wants and his freedom and his feelings etc etc

Is that a 'future' you'd ever want to live ??

Tell him plainly ''You're an adult and you're in a relationship, therefore it's not about you anymore, it's supposed to be about US. If you can't grow up and consider my needs as well as your own, then you're not an adult partner, you're a child, and I cannot be in a 'relationship' with a selfish child. So it's your choice, are you going to behave like an adult, or like a child ?''[/quote]
Memorize and repeat^