Sick of the way he speaks to me

[Hope35wm]

I could go on and on with a back story and context to this but I’ve got to the point where I am at the end of my tether with this relationship.

My boyfriend and I have been together less than two years but have lived together for over a year now (mainly due to lockdown restrictions). I needed to move back to the Midlands with work and he moved with me and I helped him find a new role. In the past year I’ve bought my own property, prior to that we were living at my dads rent free which helped him get rid of all of his debt and for me to save for a mortgage deposit. He currently contributes towards bills and I charge him rent.

From the outside we have a great relationship and both work hard and support each other however I have a massive problem with the way he speaks to me. He can be verbally aggressive at any point with no apparent reason which has started to make me feel like I’m walking on egg shells. To give some context, our most recent fallouts have included: the dog escaping through a hole in the fence whilst I was in the garden so I was called a fu* idiot etc and told to shut up etc as I didn’t see because I was putting the washing out. We went out for dinner and I wanted white wine instead of red so he didn’t speak to me for the evening. I had a manic day at work and hadn’t had time to do the washing up so I was lazy and a fuc** idiot etc etc.

I’ve approached it so many times with him and to discuss why we’re falling out over mediocre things, however I don’t see how I can change this situation anymore. I can’t control stupid fall outs that each relationship has however I’ve tried to explain to him it’s how we handle and resolve them (and communicate/ speak to each other). I always get an apology in the end, usually a couple of days later once I’ve ignored him or in most cases once I drop it as I don’t want to live my life in a constant mood. It seems so silly but the way he speaks to be affects me, I can’t sleep etc as I know I deserve better. However whenever I bring it up the excuse is that’s just the way he is, or I’m too sensitive etc etc.

I don’t want to split up over this when the rest of the relationship is so good but there’s only so much I can take.

Any advise greatly appreciated.

If a delicious bar of chocolate was 10% feces, would you eat it?

That's you relationship. It doesn't matter that it's nice most of the time, it's 10% feces.

Thank goodness you're in a good position with the house, family and life (except for the loser boyfriend).

It sounds like the rest of the relationship is probably good because it’ll likely be on his terms.
He’s emotionally very immature and aggressive, this won’t get better.
In the nicest way possible, why are you putting yourself through this when you get one life and there are plenty of men who don’t verbally abuse their partners like a pathetic spoilt teenager?
I think if this is something you are willing to put up with you may want to look at how you view yourself and work out ways to build your self esteem.
I’m saying this as someone who’s been there and I could kick my previous younger self for even considering trying to stay with an abusive man child.
You don’t need that shit in your life, end of!

My exH started with verbal abuse. Apparently if I didn’t act like a cunt he wouldn’t call me one Then a few pushes and shoves along with the name calling. After that it continued to escalate. It was difficult to final admit that I was being abused. I felt like a failure! I now know it was all on him and he gaslight me into believing I was to blame. What a dick!

Don’t waste anymore time on this man. It won’t get better and has the potential to get much worse.

@OrangeFluff

My exH started with verbal abuse. Apparently if I didn’t act like a cunt he wouldn’t call me one Then a few pushes and shoves along with the name calling. After that it continued to escalate. It was difficult to final admit that I was being abused. I felt like a failure! I now know it was all on him and he gaslight me into believing I was to blame. What a dick!

Don’t waste anymore time on this man. It won’t get better and has the potential to get much worse.

My story is exactly the same. What utter twats these men are.

You need to evict your cock lodger!! He sounds nasty and will never change

That's no way to live, life is way too short to spend it with someone who treats you this badly!

He ignored you because you wanted white wine - read that back.

He called you a fucking idiot because of the dog - read that back too

Would he talk to his employer or friends like that?

People can say things out of anger but when it becomes common it shows contempt .Apologies mean nothing if a couple of days later he abuses again

He sounds narcissistic and is abusing you

We went out for dinner and I wanted white wine instead of red so he didn’t speak to me for the evening

How did you not dump him immediately? He's an abuser. Get rid.