How long were you with your do before TTC

[PenguinsAreCute]

I'm in a new relationship, have only been seeing each other for a few months and he is the nicest man that I've ever met.

We have had the baby talk as neither of us are getting any younger, I've always been a bit more if it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't, life would be fine either way. However my new DP is really broody.

I'm 38 now so aware that time is not on my side, so for people who met their DP in their late 30's how long were you together before TTC?

Although planned we had only been together for about 6 months. Fell pregnant immediately and as we weren't living together yet I thought it would take a lot longer. Don't regret it because of my kids but was way too soon. I didn't really know him and once he had me 'trapped' with a child, he started showing his controlling and jealous side.

Could you freeze your eggs? It would give you time to decide properly and to get to know the other person well enough to make the huge commitment of a child with and to ensure it’s actually the relationship not just a child they want. That would be a main concern for me.

I would just go for if you are 38

16 years

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss this is concerning me, I just wish I had a bit more time as I feel like it's still very early on and you don't really know someone till you've lived together for a while. I mean so far he's absolutely lovely but isn't everyone at first?

I hadn't even considered freezing eggs to be honest so this could be something I could look into

We'd been together 18 months when I got pregnant, and I was 39 when DC was born. I wish we'd had longer to do stuff together first but he wanted a child and I wasn't getting any younger. It's worked out ok.

Met DH at 35 - I had the baby discussion on the second date I was starting the process of going it alone when we met so I really needed to know if he wanted children and what sort of time frame he was thinking. We waited a year before actively ttc and it took us 4 years. I'm really glad we didn't leave it any longer, although in theory ttc with someone you've only known a year seems mad - it paid off in my case hes a great husband and dad.

@Peeceandquite I know what you mean I'm heading closer to 39 than I am 38 myself but would like to do all the fun things in a relationship before babies, just time is not in my side here!

Started trying after 6 months and pregnant at 9 months. DS is nearly 2 now and we're still together, we've had highs and lows but so have all couples with young kids and new family units. We committed to a family and we enjoy the good times and endure the not so great times.

Together for 2 and a half years and we'd just bought our first home and got our wills sorted. Planned although I know it was all fairly quick.

6 months and I fell pregnant the first month I stopped taking the pill. DD is now almost 14 and he’s still here 😀 we then had DS 22 months later!

@didireallysaythat

16 years

You were really in your late 30s when you met?😲

After age 35 egg quality starts going downhill very fast. Most women I know wanted more children than they were able to have, my GP said of the women he sees aged forty, nearly half of them aren’t able to conceive naturally.

Someone mentioned egg freezing. That isn’t as simple as it sounds. A course of drugs including injecting yourself in the stomach, then surgery to remove the eggs (they call it a ‘needle’ but it is massive and my ‘egg collection’ left me in pain for 8 months).

My advice is to make up your mind now whether or not you want to have children, and if you do, go for it asap while natural conception is an option.

If it isn’t for you that’s fine too, but it would benefit you to decide. Take it from me IVF sucks, costs a fortune, and mostly doesn’t work.

@Skysblue thank you, I would like children but if it didn't happen I wouldn't be distraught, I figure if it's meant to be it's meant to be and generally I try not to worry about things I can't control.

It's just in an ideal world I would have met him earlier and would have had more time to get to know him before planning to TTC but I didn't so generally I wondered how long other people had waited before trying. At the moment I think he's a great addition to my life and really balances me out but it just feels so early to be making life changing decisions

Three weeks.

I shit you not.

I was with dh 6 years before falling pregnant with dd. My best friend was with her partner for 3 months before she fell pregnant with her dd and they've just had another 13 months later. I don't think there's any rhyme or reason to it!

I think you are being sensible.. don't rush into it, I was a lot younger than you when I met my DH (30) but it still took me 12 years to decide whether to have a DC . Having a child is a huge commitment.

Six years. I would consider your decision carefully. I don't think I fully knew my partner for about three years and had seen him and his reactions through different life events. I don't think you entirely know somebody in six months. If you did decide to have a baby, I would be thinking about the fact it might not work out or be what you imagined. Difficult decision OP

Together 8 years, met at 26 and decided to have a baby at 34. Fortunately got pregnant quickly. If age was more of a factor I would have done it sooner.

6 years.
Dh wanted children much sooner. 6 years was my compromise.

2 years, I was 22 with serious gynaecological issues and told by my consultant if I wanted children to get on with it.
I'm now a similar age to you, any relationship can go downhill and I think if you want children at this age you need to go for it. I know someone who tried for 6 years and had many miscarriages before successfully conceiving. She is very fit and healthy and the doctors told here that she struggled simply due to her age.

Married a day. Together in a relationship seven years. Knew each other for twelve years.

OP it doesn't matter what anyone else did.

It's what you want to do.

Egg freezing is not cheap. With a good clinic it's going to cost you up to £6K (yes, some are cheaper) and it's not an easy ride of taking the hormones and having the eggs taken.

That in itself could put a strain on your new relationship and TBH at almost 39 you are coming close to the cut off point for egg freezing anyway- they prefer as soon as possible after 35.

You need to talk over what you both want. How old is he and has he any other children? What's his relationship history?

I think if you are not already living together you need to fast-forward that, give it a few months then assess the baby issue.

@notacooldad

6 years. Dh wanted children much sooner. 6 years was my compromise.

That was about my time frame too. Knowing each other through ups and downs, life events, ensuring the connection is still there after some time, their morals and ethics, work pattern etc.

A co parent is such an important choice and I wanted to ensure I picked the right one. If things go wrong, as relationships often do, then you have to share custody and I wouldn’t want to do that with someone I barely knew as I had dived straight in.

Was in relationshop about 6 years 3 yr break up, back together about 3 years.

During the 3 year break I was in an almost 18 month relationship and we stopped using contraception and let whatever eould happen, happen a while in (not sure exactly when); in retrospect it would have been a v bad idea to get pregnant by him.

I saw major signs from 3 months in but stupidly continued the relationship and it only got worse. In fact I didn't fully realise how character abd agenda until after it ended. Couldn't see wood for trees.