Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Pregnant, but partner doesn't want it.

55 replies

nurseymummyx · 09/08/2021 20:44

Hi Everyone, really looking for some advice, feel so alone.
So me and my partner had a slip up last month, which resulted me in taking the morning after pill. Yet, here I am four weeks pregnant. We have 3 children already, I was really emotional to begin with, however once I really thought about it, I realised actually my life isn't over and we could totally do this! 😂
However my partner is dead against it, told me I should have an abortion and made me feel really guilty saying it will play with his anxiety and depression. To be fair, he doesn't do much with the kids. I do 99% of all the work. He puts our youngest to bed. He's never done a night feed, he doesn't even sleep in bed with me, he sleeps downstairs away from us all.
I've just told him I want to keep the baby and he's kicked off mega big time, saying how angry I have made him, and how upset he is. While I understand he's allowed to feel this way, I've been crying the past 2 days over having to have an abortion!! He didn't give a crap about me being upset?!?! He's honestly so so vile it's ridiculous.

I just need truthful answers, am I being out of order?

OP posts:

ChameleonKola · 09/08/2021 21:10

Honestly...

I think you would be out of order to have a fourth baby with a shit dad who doesn’t want them, yeah.

He should be showing you love and concern. And ultimately it’s your choice. But I’d be seriously wondering what you’re thinking even considering having this baby.

Your post isn’t clear, have you decided on whether to terminate or not?

VsgKitt · 09/08/2021 21:12

Why bring Mother baby into the world with a dad who can't be arsed to care about them.

Sound slike you need to take the 3 you have and move on away from him.

VsgKitt · 09/08/2021 21:13

Another* not mother

enoughforme · 09/08/2021 21:22

Sounds like he is a shit father I echo what the others have said I personally probably wouldn't - four kids is a hell of a responsibility

EileenGC · 09/08/2021 21:26

What do YOU want to do? That’s the most important factor in your decision. He doesn’t just get to blame you for this, that is indeed vile of him.

Sitchervice · 09/08/2021 21:30

I don't know why everyone here is so bloody trigger happy with abortion when you've already decided you don't want to have one.

It's your body and you don't want an abortion. He can either get on board or not. If your happy to raise the kid alone (Which sounds like you've already been doing with your other three) then have a fourth.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/08/2021 21:46

Why do you even want to stay with this shitshow of a man?

Just have the baby if that's what you want. It doesn't sound as if it will affect his life one way or the other anyway.

ChameleonKola · 09/08/2021 21:54

@Sitchervice

It’s really unclear what OP has decided about the pregnancy. She says she thinks ‘we can do this’ but then writes this:

While I understand he's allowed to feel this way, I've been crying the past 2 days over having to have an abortion!!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/08/2021 21:55

You don't want to terminate so don't
But don't have sex with this loser again. He's a shit dad and doesn't take responsibility for his sperm.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/08/2021 22:01

Will you want another child if he leaves you and you have to cope with 4 entirely on your own?

Absolutely don’t have an abortion if you don’t want one, but worth approaching the whole thing as if he’s not in the picture.

He’s a shit dad to the kids you have, you must be okay with that as it’s unlikely he suddenly went off pitching in when the youngest was born, so you do most of the work already.

Sitchervice · 09/08/2021 22:04

@chameleonKola

So her saying "I've just told him I want to keep the baby" is her being unclear?

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 09/08/2021 22:17

"However my partner is dead against it, told me I should have an abortion and made me feel really guilty saying it will play with his anxiety and depression."

That is abusive. He is trying guilt you into having an abortion by blaming you for how he feels.

"To be fair, he doesn't do much with the kids. I do 99% of all the work. He puts our youngest to bed. He's never done a night feed, he doesn't even sleep in bed with me, he sleeps downstairs away from us all."

So he just has sex with you, makes children, and then leaves you upstairs with them to care for them by yourself so he can sleep somewhere else and not be a parent.

"I've just told him I want to keep the baby and he's kicked off mega big time, saying how angry I have made him, and how upset he is"

Again blaming you. He is equally to blame for your pregnancy.

"I've been crying the past 2 days over having to have an abortion!!"

You don't have to. You do what you want and keep your baby.

What does this man bring to your life? What does he do that makes your life easier? He is a bad father and doesn't parent his own children. He lets you so it and then he is abusive to you when you don't do what he wants.

You have brought up three children without him actually parenting with you. You know you can do it. Keep your baby and think about ending the relationship. Because it isn't really a relationship if he isn't being a father to his children and all he does is impregnates you and then thinks you'll just do what he says and have an abortion because he doesn't want another baby living above his head when he's snoring on the sette.

RantyAunty · 09/08/2021 22:24

Truthful answer would be to not have another baby with this loser who refuses to get the snip and doesn't bother to take care of his own children.
Truth is my fanny would have sealed shut a long time ago with him.
Truth is you'd be a lot better off on your own.

Ambrose89 · 09/08/2021 22:42

You have 3 children to look after and your own mental health to worry about. Do what is right for you and the children.
Take care sweetheart x

TableTops85537 · 09/08/2021 22:48

I had an abortion when I didn’t really want to but my partner did. I regretted it badly and ended up quite seriously ill (mentally).

If you don’t want to have an abortion, don’t have one.

Sampafie · 09/08/2021 22:53

You want strangers to echo a decision youve clearly already made? Since you plan on having the baby anyways wouldnt this be the time to start sorting out your life and getting prepared for a fourth child which your husband doesnt want? I mean are you bored or looking for drama? Should we bash the man youve chosen to inseminate you? What exactly do you want MN to do OP?

Sampafie · 09/08/2021 22:55

Also your emotions seem all over the place. First you find it funny, crying laughing emoji then youre crying about him not being ecstatic? What does it matter what he feels?

LittleMowf · 09/08/2021 22:58

@Sampafie

Alright, bit dramatic with all the questions

wewereliars · 09/08/2021 23:03

sampafie OP can post for whatever reason, she doesn't need to run it by you first

dollarbillgotcha · 09/08/2021 23:04

It is appalling the way women try to pressure other women into having abortions here.

Clearly lots of people don't understand choice.

dollarbillgotcha · 09/08/2021 23:08

So we've gone from your body your choice to a situation where women are being told they'd be out of order not to have a termination.

I think you would be out of order to have a fourth baby with a shit dad who doesn’t want them, yeah.

I don't care what the reasons for and against the OP having an abortion are, that is disgusting bullying.

DoLallyTapMum · 09/08/2021 23:13

I’ve been there (minus the 3 existing children) and kept the baby but not the man. If I was being honest from the moment he told me to have an abortion it was over for us, but sadly I put up with a lot more abuse until I left for good. Don’t stay in such a vile situation, tell him to leave until he can speak to you civilly and if you don’t want an abortion, don’t have one.

Bythemillpond · 09/08/2021 23:15

AnneLovesGilbert

Will you want another child if he leaves you and you have to cope with 4 entirely on your own

He already leaves her with 3 children so one more isn’t going to make a great deal of difference and it sounds like if he walked out her life would be a damn sight easier with 4 than with 3 and having to listen to him shouting at her forever more as I do think if she went for an abortion that she doesn’t want her MH would suffer and he would just get angry at her for grieving what could have been.

SarahDarah · 09/08/2021 23:16

@Sitchervice

I don't know why everyone here is so bloody trigger happy with abortion when you've already decided you don't want to have one.

This 100%

Sorry @nurseymummyx that you are not being respected by many posters on this thread, especially as you're in a vulnerable position right now. Too many people on this forum are sadly very invested in pushing for abortions and divorces. It's absolutely sickening and horrendous. Please don't take it personally, some posters get angry if women don't abort their babies

Also love how they blame you...completely ignoring the fact that your partner, as the man, is just as responsible for creating the baby! 🙄

Yes their dad sounds far from ideal but it doesn't mean you should have an abortion - it's not your child's fault that their dad is the way he is. And I'm sure you're not wishing your other children didn't exist simply because their dad isn't pulling his weight! This forum is atrocious sometimes...

winterwalksandcoffee · 09/08/2021 23:16

Do YOU want to have this baby?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread