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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My gut is telling me something is off

71 replies

Wannabegreenfingers · 09/08/2021 20:39

After a horrible marriage and divorce, I remained single for 16 months. I met someone through OLD and we've been dating since March.

We spent this weekend together and my exh was being an arse via email and this upset me. First time my boyfriend has seen me upset.

He's now gone radio silence on me and it hurts. If one incident of me being upset gets him running for the hills then I know I'm better off out of it, but I really thought this relationship had legs.

Not sure what I'm after other than a hand hold 😪

OP posts:

Original poster

Wannabegreenfingers · 12/08/2021 07:31

Well he messaged yesterday to tell me it was over. He didn't say anything about me being upset or that my ex was the issue. It was the sort of text you send after 4 or 5 dates.

My response was very dignified (or at least I thought so) in expressing my disappointment in that 6 months in and after him doing all the chasing and planning that silence and a text was a poor show.

I won't contact him again. I know I'm better off out as he has shown his true colours, but I'll lick my wounds and pick myself up.

OP posts:

GravityFalls · 12/08/2021 07:36

I’m sorry to hear that. FWIW I don’t think you did anything wrong as such. Yes, maybe your situation and the way you reacted to it put him off, but that’s your life and that’s who you are, so if it was going to be a dealbreaker for him it’d be the same now or later. Probably better you found out earlier. And he doesn’t sound like the kind of guy for you if he can’t deal with emotion or communicate honestly.

Sakurami · 12/08/2021 07:57

What a weirdo op.

Sakurami · 12/08/2021 07:57

(Him not you)

itsme1978 · 12/08/2021 10:28

I'm sorry
What a cock
Don't let this get you down......you've dodged a bullet lovely x

Anordinarymum · 12/08/2021 10:38

@GravityFalls

I don't think it has anything to do with his 'true colours'. He saw what your life is like and chose to end the relationship and I don't blame him for that.

Not everybody is up for dealing with other people's baggage is all.

beastlyslumber · 12/08/2021 10:55

OP, block him. There's every chance he is expecting you to beg him and chase him to win him back, and he may well come back to you with some other tactic since you haven't done that. Don't give him a chance to contact you again. Block him on everything.

He sounds like an absolute dick. You're well rid.

Original poster

Wannabegreenfingers · 12/08/2021 12:46

Thank you everyone. I'm very aware he's free to change his mind, the dick part was the way he went about it.

I've deleted his number as I have no intention of contacting him. Will take some time to heal and recover and put better boundaries in with the ex husband so I no longer get so upset by his behaviours.

I certainly can't even think about dipping back in the dating pool any time soon

OP posts:

Hulalucy · 12/08/2021 12:55

@Wannabegreenfingers sorry to hear this. What were his reasons for ending it?

SStopRaisingHim · 12/08/2021 12:57

Good on you OP.

Onward and upwards! The silence was cruel and just to send a message… the man is a boy x

SpindleWhorl · 12/08/2021 12:59

I think the 'classic' length of time before he decides he's been too hasty is three weeks, btw.

He really, really doesn't deal with stress well, does he?

Sorry, OP, it's a bummer

On the positive side, I think it's a great idea to start putting in better boundaries with the ExH.

Crikeyalmighty · 12/08/2021 13:34

He clearly can’t cope with anyone with any baggage that he has to see

GADDay · 12/08/2021 13:42

I think the alternative of you bottling your hurt and anger as not to make him uncomfortable would have been worse.

He couldn't/wouldn't deal with the real you and then behaved like a 16 year old by not having a conversation with you in person. Breaking up is hurtful but fine - he should have had the decency to at least talk to you.

Texting is crap. Says a LOT about him.

OrlandointheWilderness · 12/08/2021 14:24

Definitely dodged a bullet there OP.

Shuffleuplove · 12/08/2021 14:31

Very sorry to hear this. He’s a divvy.

IS0D0RA · 12/08/2021 14:33

@Wannabegreenfingers

Your right, it was probably too much too soon. I am very much over him, but I still struggle with the control he tries to have over me, this instance was financial and probably could have waited until today. I just couldn't hold in my emotion and the tears flowed.

Well it’s been 5 months with this new man, surely you are allowed to be yourself by now?

IS0D0RA · 12/08/2021 17:01

Oppps sorry, didn’t see that it’s over now.
Hope you are ok. Onwards and upwards.

JackieQueen · 12/08/2021 17:26

Sorry op There's someone else out there for you

Hopetobe4mrfatty · 12/08/2021 17:41

How did you manifest the upset? Maybe he is scared?

Original poster

Wannabegreenfingers · 12/08/2021 18:00

@Hopetobe4mrfattycried I cried

OP posts:

Branleuse · 12/08/2021 18:11

Some people are nice enough, but arent capable of dealing with any sort of conflict or difficult issues. You need someone who supports you and is able to not freak out and run away at the first sign of upset. I think its better that you found out now. Im sorry though, as it does suck

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