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Original poster

How did your marriage end.

28 replies

whatisforteamum · 09/08/2021 11:51

I've been on here for yrs trying to work out what to do with my marriage.
Kids are adults now and despite some ok and tolerable bits we do have separate lives, rooms everything.
We been shoved in isolation for 10 days which obviously is difficult.
I've been told to shut up,eyerolls huffing and the last straw was when he said why do I have a photo of my late DF in the living room it is a 5x7.Tiny.df died 3 yrs ago and I have no grave or headstone to visit.
The lack of any hugs,touches or any concern for my well being long gone.
I could pack a case and walk off I'm so fed up.
How did your marriage end what was the final straw?

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 09/08/2021 12:41

Definitely time to get your ducks in a row and see a solicitor. Life is to short to spend your time with a complete misery of a partner. I had years of possessive and jealous neurotic behaviour. I was accused of all sorts of things when it was her that had a drunken one night stand. She went through my phone and found an innocent message from a work colleague about work but it ended with an x. That was it she went ape shit and after an argument went for me with frying pan. Left and never went back.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 09/08/2021 18:02

Marineboys67 it sounds like it worked put for you.
I agree life is v short.I think even our adult dcs feel we are wrong for each other.
I've always had some reason to stay before,ill parents,kids doing exams,money.
Now I don't have an excuse.

OP posts:
Lolabray · 09/08/2021 18:08

A few years of procrastination , two young children, lies behind my back that were exposed. Mine ended not very nicely but had the best ending .. I HAD MY FREEDOM AND PEACE OF MIND BACK :)

Lolabray · 09/08/2021 18:09

And one thing I will say is life is too short, to be unhappy

frazzledasarock · 09/08/2021 18:13

Start taking one step at a time to leave him.

He’s not nice to you at all. Don’t stay and be someone’s emotional punch bag.

My last resort was when he screamed at me for buy 45p fruit and nut Tobelrone. Apparently I was a thief and it was his money (I worked full time and he took my money).

I decided I didn’t hate myself enough to put up with that shit. And kicked him out (why would I leave my own house the one I’d paid for?).

StormBaby · 09/08/2021 18:18

My first marriage was a long drawn out wheeze where I did all the hard work at home as well as working, and he sat around gaming when he wasn’t at work, or in the pub. The order of priority was mates, Sunday football team, national football team, the kids and then me, if I was lucky.

Unsurprisingly I found him increasingly unattractive and my vagina healed over. He got caught out messaging a work colleague and arranging to meet when I was pregnant, then we got married and his controlling behaviour increased. He was ten years older than me and he hated it. I then got caught speaking to an old childhood boyfriend about how unhappy I was. We had a bandaid baby after that and limped along for another few years of misery. It took us ten years to get divorced because we were tied up in a property.

I’m happily remarried now. He’s amazing!

MrsBullfinch · 09/08/2021 18:19

I'd say my marriage was on borrowed time for a number of years. I stayed for the dc, kept trying to make it work etc, worried about finances if I was alone etc. I eventually told him I wanted to separate. Not a trial. Not some space. Separate

Separated a year and a half ago. Dc are still relatively young.
I feel a weight has been lifted
I have the freedom to do as I please
I don't have to justify anything to anyone
I am in control of my time and finances

I'm not saying it's easy and it's been plain sailing, not at all. But I wish I'd done it years ago

Like others have said, life's too short

category12 · 09/08/2021 18:20

I guess you need to work out what it is you're afraid of about splitting up if you've run out of excuses not to.

GooodMythicalMorning · 09/08/2021 18:24

He left me for another woman.

Funnylittlefloozie · 09/08/2021 18:25

My exH called me a dumb cunt when I turned out with our two year old to collect his drunken arse from a railway station 15 miles from home. Our marriage died that day. It took me another ten cowardly years to bury its corpse, and ask him to leave. The last six years without him have been WONDERFUL, and noone calls me a cunt anymore.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 09/08/2021 18:29

I think I'm someone who can put up with quite a lot.
I don't have any work life balance or friends now though.
When I'm done I'm done.
Being told about the photo is making me feel like this isn't my cosy home anymore.

OP posts:
category12 · 09/08/2021 18:46

Life shouldn't be about what you can put up with, though. I think everyone deserves more than that, don't you?

PermanentTemporary · 09/08/2021 18:54

First marriage. I wanted kids, he didn't, the relationship was also quite claustrophobic, I could have survived without having kids if I had had to, but just one day I woke up and decided that whatever happened I couldn't face a future just with him. I told him it was over and 24 hours later went to stay with my sister.

Get some legal advice but mainly... tbh it sounds as if your h is extremely hard to live with. Life can be better.

Treacletoots · 09/08/2021 19:11

I sat on our first wedding anniversary thinking I hope I don't see another one. I hated him, he belittled everything i said or did, despite me earning twice what he did, putting all the deposit on the house and did anything in the house, cooking, cleaning and DIY. He was a completely useless twunt who sat around playing games and smoking weed and every time he opened the back door he failed to check if the gate was closed and the dog ran out Every. Single. Time. I realised i preferred the dog

I woke up and kicked him out when I realised I didn't have to live like that. That I deserved to be happy and that being single was a significant improvement on being stuck with that sack of shit.

I came home every night for 2 weeks and asked him to leave. He didn't believe me, tried every excuse, he was ill, he wanted his half of the house (despite putting nothing in and being in negative equity), he would change (it lasted 1 hour precisely)

Eventually he left. He kept coming back on ever decreasing intervals until he gave up. At each visit thinking that him telling me how hard this was on HIM, HE was stressed etc would convince me to take him back (why?)

Six months later I filed for divorce and he messaged me in Klingon saying I had no honour. That day I was so glad I got rid of the fucker.

I spent 3 glorious years single before I met the love of my life. There is a better path for you OP. Just be brave enough to take the first step

JustAnother0ldMan · 09/08/2021 19:18

Found out my wife was having an affair with one of her work colleagues, marriage over

frazzledasarock · 09/08/2021 19:20

@Treacletoots

he messaged me in Klingon
🤣🤣🤣

Treacletoots · 09/08/2021 19:25

@frazzledasarock I know right? This story still doesn't get old though.

category12 · 09/08/2021 19:26

For me, the final straw was when he texted me about yet another self-inflicted disaster and all I could think of to text back was "OK".

Watchingyouwazowski · 09/08/2021 22:35

The Freedom Programme did it for me. I spent years not knowing I was in an abusive relationship but knowing that whatever I did was wrong (and I wasn’t always my best self that’s for sure), trying to end it but not being allowed to. I was not allowed to!
Some things happened. The Freedom Programme was the catalyst. Seeing the last 20 odd years of your life detailed on a PowerPoint can change a person!
So I made him go.

Lolabray · 10/08/2021 07:17

@ frazzledasarock Klingon.. wta .. is there even a language. That was the best thing to do leave someone like that

Treacletoots · 10/08/2021 17:27

@lolabray it sure is. It's a fictional language from the series Star Trek.

Looking back now, (a decade later) all I can think of is, THANK FUCK, THANK FUCK I did it. I can't imagine how miserable I'd have been if I'd stayed with him any longer.

rainbowmash · 10/08/2021 22:37

@Treacletoots were you literally married to Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons??? I feel for you! Well done for booting him!

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 11/08/2021 08:35

I'm fairly sure I married Peter from family guy.🤣
Well done treacletoots.

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 11/08/2021 08:45

@JustAnother0ldMan

Found out my wife was having an affair with one of her work colleagues, marriage over
Same but my husband.

Worst thing ever to happen to me but 3.5 years later I'm happy and have rediscovered me as Sunshine, not just as wife and mum. It's easy to have rose tinted glasses on when your marriage ends unexpectedly but looking back, I wasn't completely happy or fulfilled. I'd have grown old with him though...while he wanted someone younger to grow younger with.

Treacletoots · 11/08/2021 09:08

@whatisforteamum @rainbowmash

Haha. No actually comic book guy is my brother. He wears a cape and a cane, and is very odd generally. Probably from years of being my mother's golden child.

I realised actually that my acceptance of being treated poorly by my exH and several boyfriends previous was conditioning from how I was treated by my mother growing up. Abuse victims often don't realise they're just repeating the pattern. It took me until I was 30 to break free from both of them. Best thing I ever did though..