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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Horrible weekend of arguing

57 replies

Mosschopz · 08/08/2021 21:40

It’s been a horrible 48 hours. We went out Friday night for dinner (me, DH, DS (10)) and had an argument at the table (after a few drinks) in the restaurant over something and nothing then fast forward to this morning and we are arguing again and then an awful evening tonight. Tonight we went out for a walk, which turned into pre dinner drinks, which turned into dinner and more drinks out. I had about 2 pints, DH had three if it matters, then we agreed DH would supervise DS’s shower while prepared him supper. While I was doing supper, DH (who admittedly got the worse job; DS always moans about washing) started to lose his temper and shout repeatedly at DS who in turn got hysterical. It ended up with DH ‘tapping’ him which DS said had been a hit to the back of the head. He came running downstairs and said ‘what just happened?’ He was bewildered then started telling me daddy had hit me on my head. DH just minimised it, saw it as me taking sides…DS’s behaviour had been bad…he was lying about being hit…when I tackled him on it. DS didn’t want him to come up and say good night and that’s my fault too apparently. I’m so frustrated tonight I just want to leave…

OP posts:
FatAnkles · 09/08/2021 07:10

People have different tolerances to alcohol. After only 2 I turn into an arsehole.

No excuses for a parent to hit his child. None.

The shouting and negative energy will also have a negative affect on your son.

I think you should consider splitting up.

NotNowFGS · 09/08/2021 07:11

The posters who mention alcoholism are missing the point. You don't need to be an alcoholic to have alcohol mess up your relationships.

Don't drink around your son if this is what happens. Then see if things are ok.

If you can't not drink around your son, then be prepared for things to potentially get worse all round.

Notagain20 · 09/08/2021 07:11

My heart goes out to your son. He has no choice but to live in this horrible environment, but you and your husband do have a choice - stop drinking because it clearly makes you both incapable of looking after him well.

Needapoodle · 09/08/2021 07:13

That poor poor little boy living in the middle of this mess. He's witnessed his parents drinking and fighting in public (he must have been absolutely mortified) and now his dad has hit him, not only that ... But hit him on the head. How you haven't packed your bags and left to protect your son i have no idea.

You're going to end up with one messed up child.

Notagain20 · 09/08/2021 07:15

How do you feel about your drinking and your relationship, OP? Have these responses surprised you or is it what you expected?

GiantHaystacks2021 · 09/08/2021 07:22

Two pissheads.
Poor kid.

TheAverageUser · 09/08/2021 07:22

As PP have said, it sounds like alcohol is a trigger for you both. Arguing in front of your son in a restaurant is really awful, does that happen frequently or is this new? It sounds like a horrible environment for your son at the moment perhaps break from alcohol and calm it all down for him.

rwalker · 09/08/2021 07:29

I think everyone is focusing too much on the drinking they had 2 pints .Not roaring drunk and out of control.

Might be just me but a full weekend together 24/7 can be torture . You just star sniping at each other . Take some time out each of you even if it's just a walk to the shop.

At 10 DS need to shower himself unsupervised

Bagelsandbrie · 09/08/2021 07:31

@NotNowFGS

The posters who mention alcoholism are missing the point. You don't need to be an alcoholic to have alcohol mess up your relationships.

Don't drink around your son if this is what happens. Then see if things are ok.

If you can't not drink around your son, then be prepared for things to potentially get worse all round.

This.

Alcoholism isn’t about how much you drink. It’s about how much you change when you do.

Goldbar · 09/08/2021 07:31

Your poor child. Shame he can't leave the pair of you. How do you think he felt while all this was happening? If this is typical of his childhood, what makes you think he will ever forgive the pair of you for not providing him with a secure environment to grow up in when he reaches adulthood?

GreatAuntEmily · 09/08/2021 07:34

What fun things was DS doing whilst you and DH sat drinking?

CupoTeap · 09/08/2021 07:35

Your whole op is about you, please put your son first he needs out of this

SunShinesBrightly · 09/08/2021 07:40

STOP DRINKING.

GertietheGherkin · 09/08/2021 07:45

Well you and your husband don't seem to have a very healthy relationship with alcohol, or with each other.

You need to be thinking about your Son being exposed to these arguments and public showdowns.

There is no excuse or justification for slapping a child, and slapping a child around the head is just so, so wrong.

I don't know what you were wanting from this thread, was it that you wanted to be told your husband is in the wrong? Well my view is you both are.

Your Son doesn't deserve this life.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 09/08/2021 07:50

Very odd. The OP mentions alcohol when she's needn't have done, which would suggest she's concerned it was a factor in theses instances, but fairly low quantities not all indicative of being a 'pisshead'.
🙄

If two pints with lunch isn't a choice but a compulsion, then I guess there's a problem. Ether you're an habitually heavy drinker or not, it's still strange to be like this after less then even moderate drinking. I think your unhappy relationship is the issue, and booze is a misdirect. Loads of people can have a couple of drinks at lunch without bickering like a couple of adolescents. You need to split for your child's sake.

username34512875 · 09/08/2021 07:55

Stop bloody drinking Confused your poor son shouldn’t have to bare the brunt of you and your partners clear inability to act normal when you’ve been drinking alcohol. Poor kid.

Wjevtvha · 09/08/2021 07:59

I’m not saying you have a problem with alcohol but clearly alcohol is triggering arguments that are probably underlying and if this is a regular thing then I’m not surprised that your DS behaviour isn’t great as it’s probably putting him on edge

icedcoffees · 09/08/2021 08:01

@LobotomisedIceSkatingFan

Bit quick to diagnose alcoholism 🙄

No-one's behaviour should be adversely affected to a significant degree by two pints. It sounds like you just loathe each other.

Different people tolerate alcohol differently, for all sorts of reasons.

If OP and her husband can't have a couple of drinks without having a huge row in front of their ten year old, they need to stop drinking around him. It's not fair.

You don't need to be an alcoholic to have a damaging relationship with alcohol.

VenusSap · 09/08/2021 08:03

If your DH hit your DS then he should be out. Poor kid.

And lay of the booze.

pictish · 09/08/2021 08:07

So everyone has focused on the two pints - how Mumsnet.

nimbuscloud · 09/08/2021 08:15

@pictish
No, Not everyone.

Starjammer · 09/08/2021 08:22

The two/theree pints on top of the 'few drinks' 48 hours previously that had also culminated in an argument in front of their 10yo child?

I do think it's weird behaviour for drinking to feature like this around a child. We don't go 'out for drinks' when we have DD with us and both of us wouldn't be drinking when we have responsibility for her - we take it in turns if we want to drink, and even then it wouldn't be to any kind of excess. I appreciate that's probably an unpopular opinion and most people will say that once your child is in bed or whatever it doesn't matter, but I never saw my parents drunk as a child and I don't want DD to see either of us drunk either. And given the Op mentioned 'a few drinks' and then drinks again, it stands to reason that there's a link there or why mention it in the first place?

Snoken · 09/08/2021 08:26

Your poor son!

Not only does he have to sit and listen to his drink parent fight he then gets slapped over the head by his drunk dad whilst in his most vulnerable state, naked in the shower.

Please, for your son, leave this relationship OP. You will both seriously mess him up if you continue this.

Frauhubert · 09/08/2021 08:31

Seems like a ‘couple of pints’ is not very much, but i quite often get argumentative after 2 glasses of wine if I’ve got something annoying me in the back of my head. Please stop drinking for the sale of your child. This really sounds terrible and he must be loving in fear of what his parents will come up with next when they had a drink

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 08:32

You're supervising a 10 year old in the shower?! They're capable much younger of getting under the shower after swimming at school.

Awful being raised by a couple of drunks