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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Online dating.. my friend thinks I should be flattered!

41 replies

DumpedByText · 08/08/2021 19:13

So last week I joined a dating site after being single for a year.

I've had a fair bit of interest but the majority of men have sent the following one or two word messages:

Nice
Fit
Very sexy
Fittttttt
Nice eyes
Wow!

She thinks I should be flattered and reply with a thank you. I think it's bullshit and not the right way to approach someone and why should I say thank you. I'd rather stay single than reply to a man who thinks he can win me by sending that!

So who is right, me or her and is this what I can expect from online dating. 🙄

OP posts:

whatisthisinhere · 08/08/2021 19:15

Obviously you are right. Is your friend attached?
Not all approaches will be like that, but sad
Y the majority are. But at least you can filter them out easily

OldChinaJug · 08/08/2021 19:16

You're right.

Yes, it's to be expected.

Online dating is shit and, when I did it, I blocked far more men than I ever engaged with!

TheGirlInTheGreenDress · 08/08/2021 19:17

If your standards are incredibly low, then yes, be flattered. If not, then carry on as you are.

What site are you on? I found I got a better calibre of man (and less messages like that) on Bumble as opposed to Tinder and POF.

LittleFroggie · 08/08/2021 19:18

Yuck! I’d just ignore and carry on.

category12 · 08/08/2021 19:20

Which site are you on and what sort of pictures have you got up?

SummerHouse · 08/08/2021 19:23

Sounds really horrible. But I wonder what should anyone say? Because essentially you are judging a picture. I think you are right though. They are jerks.

Sparklfairy · 08/08/2021 19:23

Expected on tinder, less so on bumble. In general I've found men respectful and able to actually hold a conversation there.

Fireflygal · 08/08/2021 19:27

It's fine if you only want to be treated as an object.

Tonic54 · 08/08/2021 19:28

When I did online dating I found the ones I wanted to date or had any connection with-I had to message them first. After a while I just messaged something short but with something that was obviously personal to their profile, that seemed to work best. OLD is hard work and dispiriting but it did work for me..eventually! Good luck

pilates · 08/08/2021 19:32

I agree with you

SStopRaisingHim · 08/08/2021 19:34

It’s bullshit and common

wishywashy6 · 08/08/2021 19:40

Anyone sending messages like that is guaranteed to be sending them to a zillion women at a time. Chuck out a line and see who falls for it. It is not flattering, it's basically a lazy arse approach from a man who thinks you should be grateful for his comment. These are usually also the entitled creeps who turn nasty when they don't get a response because they think you should have fallen at their feet the moment they showed you any attention.
Unappealing, unattractive, and boring.

Your friend is very very wrong. IMO

Original poster

DumpedByText · 08/08/2021 19:40

So far it's POF and Tinder, not heard of Bumble so will have a look at that.

She's been with a man she met on POF for 3 years now, so knows what it's like.

I've got 3 normal photos on POF and nothing suggestive or saucy on my profile.

I don't think I can be bothered to be honest!

OP posts:

Odile13 · 08/08/2021 19:43

When I did online dating I’d never reply to anything like that. The type of man I was looking for wouldn’t write something like that. I replied to emails with a bit of content and if their profile seemed compatible. I would recommend using a paid site rather than a free one - at least that’s what I found best 10 years ago! Maybe I’m out of date now.

Onlinedilema · 08/08/2021 19:48

Don't respond to men like that, they can't string a sentence together.
There are men who are not like that, you just have to keep searching for them.

BingoBhango · 08/08/2021 19:50

I never tried Tinder but Pof was awful! So many weird, aggressive messages and dick pics. Bumble is much better because men cannot message you until you make the first move.

wishywashy6 · 08/08/2021 20:17

I met my OH 3 years ago on badoo which is actually the worst place usually 🤣
I didn't fancy him at all from his pictures but he approached with a nice message that wasn't anything to do with my appearance and engaged in good conversation. As we got chatting I grew to like him and agreed to meet up. Glad I did as I really fancied him in real life!
I know people that have met on POF & tinder and ones that have found the 'better' sites a load of crap. I really think its pot luck unfortunately and it's a numbers game. If you keep slogging away at it and don't take it too seriously eventually you might find a good one!

Amima · 08/08/2021 20:31

When I was single I would ignore comments like that. I only replied to comments about my profile and interests, not about my appearance. One guy wrote me an entire poem which was very sweet.

pinkflask · 08/08/2021 20:33

You’re right - those comments are worthless and a waste of time responding to them.

Umberellatheweatha · 08/08/2021 20:50

I wouldn't reply to any of those. But some I might take as a compliment tbf.

Xztop · 08/08/2021 20:53

I'd rather get messages like that than saying I'm rough! However, I would not engage with anyone who sent me a message like that. This is another reason why I would rather be single than do OLD

Sakurami · 08/08/2021 20:59

Steer clear of those and be very choosy and you'll be fine on OLD. I didn't like Pof at all as anyone can contact you. The ones like tinder and bumble when you can only message if you both swipe right are much better.

RantyAunty · 08/08/2021 21:18

Does your friend realise that some men send the same thing to as many women as they can hoping for a bite?
It's the dating equivalent of spam.

Dreamstate · 08/08/2021 21:22

Its shit. I was talking to a guy who expressed interest in me, actually thought we got on well but he just thought saying hey lets meet up qas good enough. What happened to being made to feel a bit special and romance and asking a someone on a date.

Maybe I'm too old fashioned but I was just put off. I say hey lets meet up to my mates not to a person I like and interested in.

NeverEnoughCats · 08/08/2021 21:42

I never responded to any messages like that when I was using pof. I did meet my partner on there (together 2.5 years, living together since December, very happy and in love 🥰 ), but he sent a much more interesting first message, and had clearly read my profile. It wasn’t just a generic hey babe, hi sexy, hey gorgeous type message. You just have to decide what your boundaries are, and ignore anything less.

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