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Original poster

Online dating.. my friend thinks I should be flattered!

41 replies

DumpedByText · 08/08/2021 19:13

So last week I joined a dating site after being single for a year.

I've had a fair bit of interest but the majority of men have sent the following one or two word messages:

Nice
Fit
Very sexy
Fittttttt
Nice eyes
Wow!

She thinks I should be flattered and reply with a thank you. I think it's bullshit and not the right way to approach someone and why should I say thank you. I'd rather stay single than reply to a man who thinks he can win me by sending that!

So who is right, me or her and is this what I can expect from online dating. 🙄

OP posts:
Naunet · 09/08/2021 09:16

@DumpedByText

So last week I joined a dating site after being single for a year.

I've had a fair bit of interest but the majority of men have sent the following one or two word messages:

Nice
Fit
Very sexy
Fittttttt
Nice eyes
Wow!

She thinks I should be flattered and reply with a thank you. I think it's bullshit and not the right way to approach someone and why should I say thank you. I'd rather stay single than reply to a man who thinks he can win me by sending that!

So who is right, me or her and is this what I can expect from online dating. 🙄

Ahh yes, of course you should be flattered that random men have let you know (with as little effort as possible) that they’d like to stick their dick in you!

Your friend needs to raise her standards.

liveforsummer · 09/08/2021 09:29

Ugh no, I get these all the time. Grim. Ignore!

Sidge · 09/08/2021 09:38

Yeah they’re the sort of spam that men who only looked at the pictures send… They also send them regardless of what type of pics you have. I had a simple smiley head and shoulders shot and got a message once saying “cor you look like a right goer”. How he gleaned that from a pic of my face I don’t know, dickhead.

I just deleted them instantly.

I only replied to guys that had actually read my profile and messaged with something of substance, ideally relating to my bio. Bumble was better as the woman has to message first after matching. Tinder was fine, as long as you were brutal in your filtering profile. POF was hideous as I literally got hundreds and hundreds of messages from potato men. No matching required.

liveforsummer · 09/08/2021 09:45

I starting setting up the Facebook dating thing however I got bored after entering my basic detail (age, user name, area) and never bothers writing anything or adding a picture. The amount of likes a random faceless, description less 41 year old gets is astonishing 😆

wishfuldreamer · 09/08/2021 10:18

It's annoying. I do have some sympathy for guys though - they are expected to send the first message often, and send so many which are never replied to, because there are many more men than women on OLD (in general). it takes time to compose something personal, which is fine if you only have to do it a few times and also get a response...but I don't blame them for sending out generic messages. Even though, hypocritically, a message with a bit 'more' in it is my filter too. though, tbh, i started sending the first message a lot of the time - but my filter there was whether they had an interesting profile and something I could actually work with.

Rosiestraws · 09/08/2021 10:24

I have to agree that you're picking the wrong dating sites - Bumble is much better and Hinge is the best site IMHO as it is meant to be only for people looking for a relationship. You can easily report anyone for anything dodgy and they seem to act and remove them from the sites accordingly. Definitely give these guys a miss!

Urghhhhh · 09/08/2021 10:26

Lol, your friend really needs to raise her standards in men. Those messages are the absolute lowest effort type. And so very superficial. Sets the tone for what the entire relationship would be like. I expect more and you should too.

User135644 · 09/08/2021 10:40

@wishywashy6

Anyone sending messages like that is guaranteed to be sending them to a zillion women at a time. Chuck out a line and see who falls for it. It is not flattering, it's basically a lazy arse approach from a man who thinks you should be grateful for his comment. These are usually also the entitled creeps who turn nasty when they don't get a response because they think you should have fallen at their feet the moment they showed you any attention. Unappealing, unattractive, and boring.

Your friend is very very wrong. IMO Hmm

A lot of men are just messaging hundreds of women in bulk hoping for one response.

It's a numbers game for them.

Bluey18 · 09/08/2021 10:49

I got this A LOT, despite it clearly saying on my (very short) profile that I wasn't interested in a casual relationship or NSA. If I had wasted my time answering those idiots, I might not have met my wonderful DP, who sent me a really nice message about a shared interest, we chatted, met for coffee and it all just clicked. We're together years now with baby 2 on the way.

Don't waste your time OP, there's nothing flattering about it, you can be guaranteed they are sending that to many, many women

Original poster
DumpedByText · 09/08/2021 11:37

So I've joined Bumble but it's asking me to pay, I thought it was free? 🤔

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 09/08/2021 12:06

It is free, you can close that when it comes up. There's additional features you can pay for but I've never paid for it.

feeficken · 09/08/2021 12:36

As a guy I have started OLD after the end of a 22 year relationship, my wife is the only woman I have ever been with so OLD has been an eye opener so say the least. What I find interesting is that every woman I contact I try to say something unique and maybe bring something up from their profile, I use full sentences and words (no u for you or cum for come Hmm ) rather than one liners or copy and paste jobs and so far its not been great in terms of response it can be really off putting.

I'm only 38 but Mum brought be up to be an old school gentleman to be respectful and to romance someone, not to get straight in their face with innuendos or cheap flattery but it seems with OLD etiquette just goes right out the window. By that I mean I get not responding to those one liners as there are probably so many but when a guy makes an effort it would be nice even have a no thank you Grin

A mate said to me weeks ago OLD can be brutal so be prepared and now I know what he means Grin

crispy38 · 09/08/2021 12:55

I was literally about to post the same thing, check profiles if matched and actually try and engage in some form of conversation.
But no matter what it seems almost just ignore, few reply with one word answers or non leading replies and 1-2 actually full engage in a normal conversation.

Very disheartening as a guy trying to actually meet someone Sad

Umberellatheweatha · 09/08/2021 13:01

I think you have to remember though that women get far more matches than men pp. So they cant reply to everyone. And yet certainly aren't going to reply with a no thankyou because that would cause some big time butthurt from guys, they'd get a barrage of abuse.

As for that gentleman stuff...honestly op that should go without saying. If someone was saying that on their profile I would assume they might be one of those 'nice guys' - men who feel the need to claim they are nice, are usually anything but.

So maybe, heads up, if that gentleman stuff is mentioned in your profile, take it off. Because that shit should go without saying.

Dont lose heart, online dating is brutal. But really, women not replying is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Men are afraid their ego might get hurt but women are are afraid he might be a serial killer lol.

User135644 · 11/08/2021 16:09

@feeficken

As a guy I have started OLD after the end of a 22 year relationship, my wife is the only woman I have ever been with so OLD has been an eye opener so say the least. What I find interesting is that every woman I contact I try to say something unique and maybe bring something up from their profile, I use full sentences and words (no u for you or cum for come Hmm ) rather than one liners or copy and paste jobs and so far its not been great in terms of response it can be really off putting.

I'm only 38 but Mum brought be up to be an old school gentleman to be respectful and to romance someone, not to get straight in their face with innuendos or cheap flattery but it seems with OLD etiquette just goes right out the window. By that I mean I get not responding to those one liners as there are probably so many but when a guy makes an effort it would be nice even have a no thank you Grin

A mate said to me weeks ago OLD can be brutal so be prepared and now I know what he means Grin

Men will always get very few responses unless they have model tier looks.
ChloeAndRadcliffe · 11/08/2021 17:33

@crispy38

I was literally about to post the same thing, check profiles if matched and actually try and engage in some form of conversation. But no matter what it seems almost just ignore, few reply with one word answers or non leading replies and 1-2 actually full engage in a normal conversation.

Very disheartening as a guy trying to actually meet someone Sad

You can blame other men for that one. I used to assiduously send a polite "thanks but no thanks" to every man who messaged me but I wasn't interested in. I stopped doing that because too many of them turn nasty - it's like a switch has been flicked and "hey gorgeous, how are you doing?" becomes "You stuck-up bitch, I was just offering you a pity fuck because you're an ugly cunt". If you were subjected to that whenever you tried to be polite, I'm sure you'd stop engaging too.
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