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Original poster

Would this be a red flag to you?

34 replies

Nasni · 07/08/2021 23:44

I broke up with exDP (of 15 years) 6 months ago. I live in a notoriously expensive city for renting so we're still sharing our house but with separate bedrooms. I've been chatting to someone online and he wants to meet for a date. If you were him and your date told you she was living with her ex would you run the other way?

OP posts:
Nonmaquillee · 07/08/2021 23:45

Yes

Aquamarine1029 · 07/08/2021 23:46

I definitely would. Quickly.

H8H8H8 · 07/08/2021 23:46

100%

DramaAlpaca · 07/08/2021 23:48

I'm afraid so.

Jupiterscallisto · 07/08/2021 23:49

Not a red flag but maybe I would be wary since it hasn't been too long. I've been in this situation with an ex whilst we were selling our house. We both started dating other people with no apparent issues and were respectful of each other. It's not impossible.

MiddlesexGirl · 07/08/2021 23:50

Another yes here. Way too messy.

Bimblybomeyelash · 07/08/2021 23:51

It sounds complicated so I’d not want to get involved.

Original poster
Nasni · 07/08/2021 23:51

He is looking for a place to move to ASAP. I thought he'd be gone by now but it's taking him a bit longer than we'd anticipated

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 07/08/2021 23:51

If you just wanted a casual sex arrangement then I wouldn't care. If you were looking for a commited relationship then I'd run a mile.

AlternativePerspective · 07/08/2021 23:55

Yes.

Do you have children?

TBH I think it’s a really bad idea to start dating if you’re still living in the same house, and an even worse one if there are children in the mix.

I lived in the same house as eXH for 9 months after we split. It never occurred to me to start seeing other men. Even though we weren’t together and were in separate bedrooms it still felt wrong, probably as much because I wouldn’t touch a man living with his ex with a barge pole. And I probably wouldn’t actually believe that they had really split.

Wherearemymarbles · 08/08/2021 00:01

Fwb only - no problem
Relationship- no chance

Nightlystroll · 08/08/2021 00:04

I don't think it would be an automatic put off for me. It can't be a totally unheard of situation on expensive cities. As long as I met the ex so I could see that I wasn't being played and the relationship was definitely over. In fact, I think I'd find it easier to deal with that than I would with someone who lived with the opposite sex who was supposedly their best friend. (Although I accept that can be a genuine situation too but you're more likely yo get involved with someone you really like than someone you couldn't make a relationship with.)

feeficken · 08/08/2021 00:05

It really does depend on the individual, personally I’m living this situation right now my wife was supposed to move out months ago and as it stands this has dragged on for 18 months while she’s been seeing OM whom she ended our marriage for. I started chatting to someone a while ago and as we’ve gotten to know each other and I’ve told her the truth about the situation, she was a bit uncomfortable and I don’t blame her and she needed reassurance which again I don’t blame here but she understands untangling a life takes time. It’s helped me though as I don’t want this to impact her life or be a burden to us moving forward, plus I’m now fed up living in limbo so I’ve taken the decision to sell our house and rent somewhere for a while.

Walkingalot · 08/08/2021 00:20

I did it. Some of my dates even met my ex in passing. No one goes from dating to a serious relationship in one big jump so I didn't feel the need to wait. As long as you're open and up front with everyone, what's the harm! I never put it on my OLD profile but explained once met. I never had any negative reactions. My ex was dating too so there wasn't any animosity.

Original poster
Nasni · 08/08/2021 00:26

@Walkingalot

I did it. Some of my dates even met my ex in passing. No one goes from dating to a serious relationship in one big jump so I didn't feel the need to wait. As long as you're open and up front with everyone, what's the harm! I never put it on my OLD profile but explained once met. I never had any negative reactions. My ex was dating too so there wasn't any animosity.
Would you say it right away on the first date?
OP posts:
VenusTiger · 08/08/2021 00:32

I'm def going to get flamed for this, but..... I don't think a man would give a crap, whereas a woman would be on here asking if it was a red flag that her date is still living with his ex...

5, 4, 3, 2, 1......

Nightlystroll · 08/08/2021 00:40

@VenusTiger

I'm def going to get flamed for this, but..... I don't think a man would give a crap, whereas a woman would be on here asking if it was a red flag that her date is still living with his ex...

5, 4, 3, 2, 1......

😂😂😂😂 Women definitely seem to do a lot more worrying. The ex will have dated several women, been engaged twice and be planning a wedding and op will still be worrying if she should mention it on the first date... which hasn't yet had!

Sorry, just joking. Good luck, Nasni. I hope everything works out for you.

Walkingalot · 08/08/2021 00:47

If it was clear we were getting on then I'd pop it in towards the end, before they asked to see me again. I didn't want to put them off from the start but I didn't want them to leave under the wrong impression. I did make it clear that my ex would be happy to meet them if they had any doubts if my situation was genuine. I've even orchestrated meetings to prove the point.
I'm not sure I would be happy to date a guy in the same situation - unless I met their ex. I've met blokes who are long divorced/not living together and have terrible relationships with their ex (kids involved) - which is far worse.

5475878237NC · 08/08/2021 00:48

Yes. Until you're actually divorced it would just be a potential headache. So many threads on here about similar scenarios when someone hasn't moved out, severed ties as appropriate and faced life alone before moving on.

xprincessxjanetx · 08/08/2021 01:33

Yes, unfortunately.

larkstar · 08/08/2021 02:50

@VenusTiger Speaking as a guy, yes it definitely would be a red flag. I'd be concerned about provoking a jealous and violent reaction - I would be very apprehensive about intruding into a situation like that.

overnightangel · 08/08/2021 02:52

Wouldn’t even consider it going there, not a chance

AGirlCalledJohnny · 08/08/2021 03:29

No fucking thanks

romdowa · 08/08/2021 03:53

Dated a guy living with an ex once and wouldn't ever do it again , she was a total nutcase and lost it when she found out , hounded me on social media , creating several fake accounts etc. It was way too much drama , so I ended it with him and told him to sort his shit out because nobody would want to get involved in that.

RantyAunty · 08/08/2021 03:58

I would say No.

Has he actually found a place and has a move out date?