My DP shares a dc with his ex. We've been together 2 years and in that time his relationship with the ex has been tumultuous and volatile. Upon finding out about me the ex kicked off about all and sundry, blocking him for weeks on end, not allowing access to dc. She eventually comes good but it would always only be a matter of time before she found something totally unreasonable to kick off about.
The last instance of this was about 6 months ago and it has been plain sailing since. We believe it is because she has met someone.
However in the last couple months I have noticed her contact has become increasingly more frequent. Constant barrages of texts about nothing to do with dc. They're all upbeat and jokey but from where I'm sitting it is a total contrast to how I've seen her communicate throughout our relationship and I did wonder what the agenda was. It seems bizarre to text your ex about anything other than to do with the dc. I knew it wasn't coming from him and he was just replying nicely to appease her but it still didn't sit well with me. I ended up feeling the need to have a conversation with him that I was really happy things were going smoothly for him but I would just feel a bit better if they kept things only about dc and that if she tried to go off piste if he could maybe take a little longer to reply, or reply only to every second text kinda thing just to send a subtle message. I thought this was a totally reasonable request just to establish some boundaries but I am prepared to be corrected if anyone thinks this wasn't. I should also say that he was acting annoyed to my face about all her texting and was acting as if it were a chore for him and he didn't want her constant communication.
Since then I've often been involved or next to him when they were texting and it hasn't bothered me and we haven't had any further discussions on the topic.
An incident has now happened yesterday and I am feeling really betrayed right now. He sent me a screenshot of part of their conversation which had been about me and was all pleasant enough. When he got home we were chatting about what they had been talking about and he showed me the conversation (we often do this and it wasn't my asking for it - I trust him completely...or did). He made a comment about something she had said and I noticed that wasn't in the thread and I said to him 'No she hasn't said that? have you completely imagined that?' and we had a little laugh about that.
Later we were lying on the couch and for whatever reason it dawned on me that something I had seen in the screenshot was not there when I had read the text thread. I asked him about it. He completely starts bumbling. I asked if he had deleted parts of their conversation. And he was all awkward and 'Oh I must have'. I started to get a little worked up here and asked him why he would do that and what he had deleted. He just sat there like a gaping fish and I left the room. Later he comes down to try explain what he deleted and it was NOTHING that needed to be deleted. It made no sense to delete it. So I fully do not believe him. He bumbled around trying to apologise and making out like he does it for an 'easy life' after our conversation a few weeks ago but I'm sorry, why would you delete a few texts out of an entire huge conversation? I can already see you are talking so why deleting a few texts is it going to make a difference unless they had something I couldn't see in them?
He then admitted he has been doing this for weeks. So rather than respecting my wishes, or even if he was unable to respect my wishes just having another open conversation with me about it, he has instead proceeded to have this friendship of texting everyday and just deleting it behind my back?!! He is now saying he has never had an issue with how much she texts (despite telling me he did).
I'm just so so confused if I am being unreasonable here. Is he between a rock and a hard place and doing it to keep both parties happy or is he being deceitful about the content of the texts?! I feel lied to and betrayed and it just makes me question his integrity. We are so open with each other about everything - no topic is off limits with us. I feel there is the friendship that he leaves there for me to see in case I ask to read it (which has rarely happened) and the friendship that he deletes. I just don't think there is any need to be that familiar with an ex, I really don't.
Further on from this - if he is deleting that kind of thing, what else is he deliberately concealing from me? I'm such an honest person, too honest to my own detriment. So it just doesn't sit well with me that I'm with someone who isn't? I can't tell if it is a major red flag or if it's a little white lie and no one's perfect and his intentions were genuine? Gahhh!