DH lies about stupid little things, but it irritates me.

[Jng1]

That's it really. I've sort of known he does this for a long time, but recently I've started calling him out on it because it pisses me off that he thinks he can get away with it.
On the surface it mostly seems small, irrelevant things that don't really matter, but it's the pattern of behaviour that worries/annoys me (i.e. if he lies about this, what else is he lying about?)

E.g. this morning he said we had to make a detour through town to drop off a parcel at the post office. I didn't want to have to waste time getting caught up in traffic/ finding parking as I had a food delivery due and said we could just drop it off in the parcel bin at the sorting office which is near our house (and which we would drive past). It was the return of a broken manufacturer part, but there was no need for us to get proof of posting.
No, he was adamant - we had to go to the post office.
He claimed it "said very clearly that it had to be scanned for proof of postage" on the label. It didn't. I knew it didn't as I had printed out and read the label in the first place. (Parcel was in the boot of the car at this point).
But DH insisted he was right and we wasted 40 minutes detouring to the post office in the morning rush hour.

When we got home I said again we could have saved time by just dropping it off at the sorting office. I pulled up the copy of the label on my phone and sure enough there was nothing AT ALL about dropping it off at a post office. DH just refused to engage and tried to suggest I had the wrong label.
WTF?
Why does he do this?
If he'd just said "I'd prefer to get a proof of postage" I would probably have grumbled but said 'OK then' but it's the fact that he LIES and that even when he's caught out refuses to admit it!

Why, just why?

@icedcoffees

He claimed it "said very clearly that it had to be scanned for proof of postage" on the label. It didn't

He insisted on this untruth. Call it what you like, but it's a lie.

I know two people like this, both women. One is my aunt, who practically rewrites history. Think it stems from deep psychological issues. Correcting her is dangerous, she gets incredibly defensive and combative.

The other is my friend, and it is 100% to do with control. She wants to do something a particular way, and if you don't want to she always has a lie reason ready as to why it can only be done her way. Infuriating.

I know someone like this who thinks they are always right. I remember once he was spouting off about a topic and I knew one his facts was incorrect but he was adamant he was right. I googled it behind him on my laptop as it was on the kitchen worktop. Google proved him wrong. I just left the laptop open with the correct information available for all to see and left the room. People like that do my head in. They need to be called out.

@Colourmeclear
"
I think quite a few men have no tolerance to feeling shame so will build all sorts of constructs to prevent it, lying, rage, denial, blaming others, ignoring you etc. "

This. My partner used to lie about tiny things all the time if there was any chance of me being annoyed or judging him or even just to avoid having a conversation about whatever it was. Caused MASSIVE trust issues. He doesn't do it any more (95 percent of the time) but it took years & therapy.

I would be annoyed also, it's insulting your intelligence.

[quote TheFoundations]@icedcoffees

He claimed it "said very clearly that it had to be scanned for proof of postage" on the label. It didn't

He insisted on this untruth. Call it what you like, but it's a lie.[/quote]
And maybe he thought it did say that

Have you never been convinced of something that turned out to be wrong?

My ex used to lie and when I got annoyed at his lies, he said that he didn't tell me as I would get angry. No, I didn't get angry at what he did only at the lies. No need to lie either.

@Sakurami

My ex used to lie and when I got annoyed at his lies, he said that he didn't tell me as I would get angry. No, I didn't get angry at what he did only at the lies. No need to lie either.

I had this too ! My DH would usually lie about money, as we have differing views on it. So when I got angry at his lies he accused me of only caring about money. No, I care about being lied too. But he would never see that, he made his mind up.

Have you never been convinced of something that turned out to be wrong

Yes, of course. Everybody has. But if my partner was telling me I was wrong I'd be having a look at the label, not wasting 40 minutes of mine and my partner's time.

You seem to be both of the argument that he didn't want to admit he was wrong, and also that he didn't know he was wrong. It seems a bit pointless to discuss with you.

My friends dh lies like this, however it's usually to embellish situations or to make him look good/better than he is. He'll exaggerate how much things cost, how high he jumped, stuff like that. I understand that as he does it so people like him, it's an insecurity.

I think the op's dh does it as a form of control, he's not emotionally mature enough to say what he wants, 'I want to go for a drive, so will take the parcel to the post office' he lies instead to get his own way. I thought initially it was about control. 'I'll lie, therefore control the situation' but I think he's simply using the lies to do his own thing, rather than having a conversation, which would actually be the easier route.

This bugs me too. I have a family member like this. He lies about all sorts of stupid, unimportant things. It's part conflict avoidance, part guilt, part thinking making mistakes means he's flawed, and part thinking everyone else is stupid and wont see through it.

I find it very offensive when he thinks I'm dumb enough to believe he didn't eat the last of the bread, for example.

It's very irritating.

@IS0D0RA

I get what she is saying. I just don't agree.

Most people hate being questioned everything they do.
He said he wanted to go to the PO. She suggested he do something else that he didn't want to do.
If she didn't want to be in traffic, she could have stayed home and left him to it.
Instead she kept badgering him that he didn't need a receipt.
I suspect it wouldn't have mattered if he said, no he just wanted to go to the post office as she wouldn't accept that and would have kept moaning about being stuck in traffic.

Maybe if OP just left him to it and stopped with the "suggestions" he wouldn't feel the need to try to make an excuse to defend himself.
Try biting your tongue and not saying anything next time you have a helpful suggestion on how he can do something better.

I had an ex that constantly lied about anything and everything. We were neighbours that started dating (disaster)

...examples...

• he said I bought bought daughter some new converse today (she had already told me her nan bought them)
• I saw your ex and his gf in Asda (wasn't true)
• I just saw the man who used to live in your house , in Asda. I went upto him and shouted at him because you keep getting baliff letters (the person who previously lived in my house at the time, owed money)

A week later...

• if I ever see the man who lived in your house, I'd have a go at him about the letters you keep getting 🤔
• he'd tell him about his money issues (he was paying an IVA due to debt) but then occasionally mention he had thousands saved
• would tell me me would never buy a house together due to his financial situation and then other times talk about the thousands he had saved.
• had a decent job earning 45k a year (saw his payslips so it's true) but would borrow mum from me (a single mum, part time worker) to buy food as he would run out of money.
• when we split he told me he was buying a house. I knew it was bullshit. When his landlord came around to the house I casually said 'so Dave is moving to another of your rented properties then' and he said yes. Yes ex went on about him buying this house, even said 'oo that was tough today, transfering 50k for the deposit of the house'
• he'd text me telling me he was putting carpets down and sending pics of the garden he had just done and when I saw his landlord he would tell me how he had been doing the garden and carpets.

Couldn't trust a word he said. In your case OP it may be that he just wanted proof of postage, I would have but depends on the other types of lie and frequency. I think occasional little lies to make things easier are different from blatant lies that are pointless. Not that lying is ever right.

You seem to be both of the argument that he didn't want to admit he was wrong, and also that he didn't know he was wrong

Well, yes lol - of course he didn't know he was wrong until they both looked at the label, then it seems (to me) that he was embarrassed to admit that he'd wasted their time so he just got grumpy.

Not ideal behaviour, but nobody likes admitting they've made a mistake. It's not in the same league as lying imo.

Perhaps it harks back to childhood and how his mother or father interacted with him. He might have learnt not to state what he wanted but had to give "plausible" reason/evidence from a third party interest to enable him to possibly get what he needed/wanted.

OP here - thanks for the responses.

I guess one of the issues here is that the lie mattered to me as I was the one affected/ impacted by it.

We were coming back from dropping off DH's car at the garage when he suggested we make the detour. It seemed mad to make the 40 minute detour to a post office if we didn't need to and I was the one that had to drive around/ try to park while DH went to the post office.

I think the comments about inability to accept shame or responsibility for being wrong are spot on. Another example of his behaviour is when he has been caught speeding, which has happened twice. His first response is always to make a mitigating excuse (I was late because of ...") or to criticise the system "those variable cameras are stupid on the motorway when everyone's doing 60."
He's the much loved eldest and only son in his family and I think there is something psychological wrapped up in that.

Why couldn't you have looked in the boot though? Sorry, I realise this is totally not the point.

Same as OP here.
P lies about ridiculously small things and all sorts of things really because he can't ever admit when he is wrong.
He has actually stated he believes he is rarely wrong about stuff ever.

I also believe a lot of it was to do with his upbringing.
He always has an excuse for everything too.

@TheFoundations

Why couldn't you have looked in the boot though? Sorry, I realise this is totally not the point.

Ha ha - I knew someone would ask that!

When we went out in the morning he put the parcel in the boot and said "we can drop this off on the way back" and I assumed at the sorting office we would literally be driving past later.

After we'd dropped his car at the garage we were driving back down the dual carriageway when he said we "had to" divert through town to the post office. That was when I said it didn't need POP but he was so adamant about it that I just doubted my own memory and agreed. So there was nowhere to stop and check and not much time before I had to turn off the ring road. In retrospect, I should have just said "nope, I'm not going into town in rush hour" and left it at that!

@Jng1

Sorry. I'll get me coat