This is something that has been bothering me for a while now, but it is now increasingly bugging me and I need some advice.
My DH ever since I had my children hasn't really been interested in them really. Even as babies when I had looked after them all day, he showed no interest in coming in and bathing them etc which upset me at the time. He said I was over reacting. When I've brought this up recently I told him that really it's general advice that when DH comes home he takes the children for a bit to give Mum a bit of a break, he said I was stupid and that it wasn't advice, or it was, it was off one of these 'gentle parenting' things which he disapproves of.
To cut a long story short I always feel it's a massive effort for him to do much with them. He will sit and play on computer games with my eldest (5), and just palms them off the rest of the time. I have told him loads to do other things with him but he doesn't without me literally 'forcing' him.
This stresses me out because I just feel like everything like that is falling to me. I think I'm good with the kids but become increasingly frustrated by his lack of initiative/ pro activeness in doing stuff with them and recognising I need a break. I feel like I need to be at breaking point for him to notice (because sometimes I can feel overwhelmed by it). At that point he will say I am overreacting and that I don't seem to like spending time with my children. I really do, however sometimes when they have been fighting all day etc I do find it difficult and don't particularity find those days thrilling and need some support.
Further, my children are now 5 and 3 and at no point ever has he offered to do anything with them on his own. He may have had them twice or three times for the whole day on his own when I've actually went out to do something. He will never say 'I'll take the kids here or there' not even one of them really. Again if I ask him to it feels like I'm asking him to go and climb Mount Everest or something.
In respect of our lives he keeps everything separate. It seems that his money is 'his' and nothing is shared. He keeps going on about his plans and doesn't really involve me because he assumes he is the one which will have the money and doesn't seem to value what I do in terms of childcare and that I have taken a dramatic drop in salary to look after them. He says that he does recognise this but his actions say otherwise to me. He will go on about home improvements and how much they cost etc when he knows I only earn around £1000 per month and can't contribute.
We were away with his brother and wife at the weekend and even just seeing them help each other with the dishwasher made by blood boil as my partner wouldn't do that. He actively avoids it. He does tidy somethings round the house, but that's just because he himself cannot abide 'mess' as it bothers him but even then he will just shove stuff in cupboard and boxes without organising anything. he even keeps his phone well away from me and keeps changing the pin. I have only ever accessed it once because he left after an argument once and I just knew he was lying as to where he had been. When I did look through his phone he has been out with his friend and got totally wasted (fine up to him) but had been looking at various women he knew on Facebook which I found odd. When I questioned him on this he told me 1) it was his friend who had his phone then 2) they were just talking about them generally and it was none of my business what about so his story conflicted there.
Am I being harsh here or have I got a right to be upset? I just find myself getting more cross with him. It used to upset me because I wanted him to seem like he cared but now I'm just close to losing my temper about it all and saying I want to leave him. If I say anything however he generally says I'm overreacting and walks out. I just feel it comes down to me all the time i.e taking time off for the kids in the summer holidays, arranging pick ups / drop offs etc and he is only ever interested in his business & money.
Sorry for the rant but these are the main things bothering me and I wanted to gage other's opinions.