Has your partner ever come back after having doubts?

[Crumpets123]

I know I'm just trying to make myself feel better by posting this.

My partner broke up with me yesterday. She said that she doesn't know how this has even happened because it wasn't on her mind at all. But I was asking her questions about how she feels as I felt something was off.

She said that she loves me so much and doesn't want to be with anyone else, but she doesn't think this is the relationship she wants for the rest of her life. She feels we have some incompatibilities and we could both be happier with someone else. She said this isn't the happiest she has ever been and she isn't completely fulfilled by the relationship. Just a few days ago she was talking about us buying a house and having kids in the future.

I feel so heartbroken because she was what I wanted for my future. And I don't understand what needed to change for her to feel more fulfilled? I feel like the past year and a bit have been boring and unfulfilling generally because of the lockdowns! We both said we couldnt have gone through lockdown with anyone else.

She said she doesn't want to lose me and is worried she will regret this. She said she is confused and doesn't know what she is thinking and feeling, and feels like my questions made her think too hard and have doubts, but I feel like they just made her acknowledge what she was potentially just trying to bury?

She said she loves me so much, and I asked if she just meant in a friend way, but she said no in a romantic way...she feels that I might not be her "perfect" match.

She said to her being in love is the beginning phase where you are obsessed with that person, think about them all the time, all over each other. I said that isn't love - that is lust or infatuation. She said she couldn't articulate what being in love is to her. She said this happens all the time where she is obsessed with someone and then loses interest.

We have been together nearly 3 years and live together.

We both agreed that we couldn"t stay together so she has gone to stay with friends.

I feel so heartbroken. I loved her so much and I never had doubts.

Has anyone experienced their partner having doubts?

She’s keeping the door open just in case she wants to come back.

I wouldn’t tell her it’s over. But I’d certainly act like it was.

Just write back and say "No, I want to keep the dogs with me - I'll sort out their walks, no need for you to be involved further."

And just end it, love. She's being horrible to you and you don't deserve it.

Sort something nice for yourself for your birthday.

I think if you let her take the dogs, you won't get them back again.

@TheStoic

She’s keeping the door open just in case she wants to come back.

I wouldn’t tell her it’s over. But I’d certainly act like it was.

Why wouldn't you tell her it is over? I just don't understand why she is treating me this way. She is being so cold about everything. All her messages are about how difficult this is for her... yes it isn't great living out a bag, but for the past 2 weeks she has been with her mum and friends. She hasn't spent a single evening on her own. She has had company every evening to distract her and comfort her. She has had someone cooking for her every night.

I have had to come to home our empty house every evening, constant reminders everywhere. Watching TV on my own. Nobody to sit with me and take care of me. Nobody to cook for me and pick up the housework. Nobody to encourage me to get out of bed. The dogs were the only thing keeping me going, the only reason getting me out of bed and the only comfort in the night when I feel lonely.

I can't bare to go back home to the empty house. I've finished work but I'm just sat in the car crying because I dont want to go home. I don't know what to do. I can't bare this pain.

It might be inconvenient for her driving back and forth, but it isnt that far!!! People drive longer to work 5 days a week!

The way she is treating me is making me feel so worthless. How can someone I love and did so much for treat me like this? I just dont understand how she can be so cold to me after everything we had. I thought she loved me and now I just feel like I'm nothing :( I'm worried about my well-being and my safety. I can't be alone but I have nowhere to go

Go round and get the dogs back.

@category12

Go round and get the dogs back.

The only positive of her taking the dogs next week is that it means I can have a whole week with no messages and no contact at all which might help me.

If you give her the dogs, you won’t get them back. When the dogs are with you, just message her and tell her no need to come round as you will sort the dog walks yourself.

Text her a date and tell her that she needs to move all her stuff out of the house by this date and that you’ll start putting it aside. Be blunt, be concise, be polite. Don’t message her anything at all apart from finalising a date when she will move her stuff out for good or dog arrangements. Don’t text her anything at all about how you’re feeling or the relationship.

You don’t want her back. You want it over. She doesn’t respect you or care about being in a relationship with you.

How are you, OP?
I really hope you are feeling a bit better.