Help needed with CF ex and suitcase

[Lilyargin]

My DD (16) has just come back from her first visit to her Dad in a year. She borrowed my suitcase which he broke while taking her to the station by dragging it over cobbles and charging around. He is the sort of man who strides ahead and expects people to run behind him.
So, he broke the case by knocking a wheel off. DD asked him to stop and go back for the wheel which he refused to do. Instead of apologising, he asked where it had come from. When she said China, he said it was "cheap crap" and that what comes from buying stuff online. DD said it had actually been bought in China on holiday and he asked which shop. He wasn't asking so he knew where to get a replacement! He does this, leads conversation down blind alleys to confuse and divert attention from the main issue. Anyway, no apology, harassed and stressed DD who had to continue her journey (5 hours with a change of train) with a suitcase which no longer can be wheeled.
I have a broken suitcase and not a word from ex. This is a man who believes he has better manners than anyone else.
My question is, how do I broach this and how do I deal with the inevitable blind alley diversion tactics/rudeness which raising this will unleash?
I just feel I can never get my point across to people who aren't following normal rules of behaviour. I'd like a new case, I'd like the wheel back (it could possibly be mended), I'd like an apology. I know none of this is possible.
I suppose I'm asking for help with dealing with a narcissist, aren't I?
Sorry this long and thanks for reading. Any tactics gratefully received, Mumsnet!

He's not going to buy you a new suitcase. But me, I'd text him "You broke my suitcase you inconsiderate clumsy twat" just for my own satisfaction.

I would say it depends on which course of action is going to leave you happier overall.

Sometimes it's best to just let it go and not bother to engage. Sometimes, if the unfairness feels too much, and you are sure you can disengage when you NEED to, it's better to say your piece and draw a line under it.

Either way he's not going to buy you a new suitcase, or if he does, it won't be fit for purpose, or you will have to drive 20 miles to go pick the bloody thing up.

If you have to, I would probably say something along the lines of "I understand you broke my suitcase. I do not have another to lend DD. She will need it replacing before she visits you again. Would you like me to find one and tell you how much?"

I literally would just not give him the satisfaction of ever mentioning it. And also for my daughters feelings i would be clear to her it honestly doesn't matter. Let it wash off you

Find a link for a replacement on Amazon and send it to him.

Write it as if he has already agreed.

‘Here’s a link for a suitable replacement for the suitcase you broke. Just have it sent to my address’.

Thanks for your replies. I suppose what I’m looking for more than an actual replacement is to call him out on it and have replies to the inevitable bollocks he’ll dish up. We don’t tend to talk on the phone on the rare occasions we communicate, it’s usually text.
I know that my daughter is more important in all this - she is, sadly, seeing the light without any input from me. I could never tackle him over how he interacts with her but I feel I could over something as concrete as a broken (and very lovely) suitcase. It’s just the sheer gall of not even being bothered to text and say sorry about your case that annoys and astounds me.

Ooh Aussiebean, I like that.

Let this one go it's not worth the hassle and nothing positive will come of it
Your DD is at the age now where she will no doubt make the decision to stop seeing him soon

What aussiebean says but the message ‘dd is very upset you broke her suitcase (I’d given it to her). I said I’m sure you’ll replace it, here’s annAmazon link for a suitable replacement, please make sure it’s sent to here.

Yes, timeisnotaline, very good. This is the sort of thing I’m looking for - statements that don’t lend themselves to him twisting them or creating tangents. GrandmaSteg you are quite right, I don’t actually expect to get a new case out of it but I feel I’m colluding in his shitty behaviour if I just don’t even mention it.
To all those saying it’s not worth it, you’re right too but I just want to say something that doesn’t lead in a stupid spat. I’m going to send the Amazon text and then ignore.

It’s just the sheer gall of not even being bothered to text and say sorry about your case that annoys and astounds me.

It's the nastiness towards DD that astounds me.
Having no care for her property and no concern that she was left to struggle through the journey.

Emphasise that to him.

Yes, you’re right, GrandmaSteg - that is worse and very sad. He’s nice to her for a bit and then his mask slips. She remembers the bits where he’s nice because she wants a relationship with him but as she gets older she’s getting the measure of him.
I feel that I couldn’t call him out on that because it’s too big whereas the case is just an object, but maybe I’m wrong. I will point out that it upset her but I want to keep the message brief and matter of fact.

The suitcase wheel could have fallen off at any point

Don’t get wound up by it.

I will update once I’ve chosen a case with Dd and sent the message.

I've broken suitcase wheels before, more than once (I travelled often for work, pre-COVID). Only the most expensive TUMI cases have a repair option for suitcase wheels, at least in my experience. Accidents and breakages do happen.

I get that this is the last straw for you, but I'm not at all sure this is the battle that I'd pick.

Have a look at Tripp cases

I appreciate everyone’s input, and I get that maybe this isn’t the battle to pick, but I’m always rising above/turning the other cheek/going higher than his low behaviour à la Michelle Obama but he has damaged a tangible object through bashing it around and I’m expected to pretend it hasn’t happened. I’m not expecting a replacement but I want to point out that he’s responsible for it - and then ignore, or then have a good put down.
His behaviour towards dd is worse, but that is not a tangible, replaceable thing like a case and there really is no point broaching that.

We've found a suitable replacement for DD's suitcase which you broke [link]. You can have this delivered here or send the money directly to DD, I don't mind which.

Then you do the broken record in response to any nonsense.

I understand you feel that way. Please let me know when the suitcase will be delivered.

I hear what you're saying. Please send me a copy of the email advising delivery of the suitcase.

I really don’t see the point. I have an ex exactly the same and I know how it plays out. If it makes you feel better to make a point, fine, but you know he won’t replace it or pay for the damage.

How much did the suitcase cost? Was it a very high-end brand?

I hope he at least pays maintenance. Not that it would mean he isn't responsible for replacing the suitcase anyway.

It's not really about how much the suitcase cost or whether he's likely to pay for a replacement, it's about him being a cheeky bastard who has no consideration for his daughters feelings or belongings. Or am I way off OP? Because I deal with an exh like yours and more often than not all you really want is for them to hold their hands up and say yeah sorry about that. Just a bit of humility, just once. Mine would also likely blame the brand or call it 'cheap' to justify breaking it rather than admit he's just an inconsiderate git.

If I felt I had to say something I would probably say "I'm very disappointed that you not only broke my suitcase but also that you left our DD struggling with it to get home. I do not expect you to apologise or replace it because you are incapable of doing the right thing but note that you're behaviour has again been completely unacceptable." Then just don't respond to anything he might say. You've not asked him to pay, you've just made a statement.

Say DD is upset that her case is broken and had to struggle to get home with a case that couldn't be wheeled. Here is the link for the replacement.

OP, why are you looking for 'put downs' and 'calling him out'? I can absolutely understand your annoyance but what is that going to achieve - and will it ultimately benefit your daughter?

What would be his response if you just asked him to replace the case as it is broken, without blame or judgement? He knows it happened, replacing it is reasonable. That's the tack I would be taking, expect him to be reasonable as if he never is anything else (even if that's not the case).

'Calling out' and 'putting down' will harm your daughter's relationship with her dad and she doesn't need that. Intervening and letting him know that he hurt and upset her - she could do with that.

I understand the twattish behaviour though, rant here, loud and long.

Save. Your. Energy