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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I overreacting?

26 replies

Sunshinetoday6 · 02/08/2021 19:43

Ex has a new partner of about 4 months, she's met my children less that 10 times over last month (the eldest has met her about 3 times as he refuses to go). She has changed her social media profile to add my children's names to her profile under her family and also has a picture of my children with their dad as profile pic. I could understand if it was a long term relationship but this has made me feel really uncomfortable as she hardly knows them. Ex messaged to say I'm just jealous. Am I overreacting? Should I have just ignored? Maybe she is just trying to be nice Hmm.

OP posts:
rumred · 02/08/2021 19:58

Sounds ridiculous in her part. Let it be and expect the break up at some point. You can't manage your ex and his behaviour. You can only look after your kids and give them stability at your end

TheFoundations · 02/08/2021 21:35

Your feelings are totally valid, but the best thing to do is to let it be.

PollyDarton1 · 02/08/2021 22:01

Absolutely batshit tbh. Sounds like she's trying too hard to push a blended family situation.

LawnFever · 02/08/2021 22:04

Far too soon imo, she sounds very over the top, but if you try and say anything your ex won’t listen.

Rise above it, block her on social media maybe? It’s only been four months, it might well not last anyway.

minniemouseshouses · 02/08/2021 22:05

YANBU.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 02/08/2021 22:06

Desperate. It won't last!

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 02/08/2021 22:08

I wouldn't be happy to see my DC prominently on someone else's social media like that. She's not even their step mum, but it sounds like there's no point discussing it with your Ex. I'd try to ignore as much as you can.

Vilanelle · 02/08/2021 22:09

She sounds unhinged

KillerFlamingo · 02/08/2021 23:09

I'd absolutely hate that but it's hard to see what you can do about it. Sorry Sad

Maybe just ignore and block her profile? If your friends tell you what she's posting or saying, tell them you don't want to know. Thanks

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/08/2021 23:16

That’s insane. No need for her to have met them at all 4 months in.

But I wouldn’t have mentioned it to your ex and now you have I’d block her and don’t bring it up again.

Anyone she has on there will think she’s as nutty as you do, it’s really over the top and weird. Your ex should be freaking out but since he isn’t don’t give him any further ammo to paint you as the crazy ex.

It sounds ridiculous so I expect it’ll implode shortly!

Vanilla1Cookies · 02/08/2021 23:19

She’s ridiculous and sounds like a chav.

Ignore it.

She wants you to get annoyed by it.

MintLeaves12 · 02/08/2021 23:48

Wow bonkers much ?! I would be hoping it doesn't last

Sparkles1992 · 03/08/2021 00:00

Pathetic, all for social media and attention. Seems like your eldest already isn't soft by not wanting to go, your others will no doubt follow suitThanksWine

Catlover1970 · 03/08/2021 06:53

She will look a fool when it’s all over in record time. Block her for your own well-being

GentlemanJay · 03/08/2021 06:59

@PollyDarton1

Absolutely batshit tbh. Sounds like she's trying too hard to push a blended family situation.
This.
Yumbotumbo · 03/08/2021 07:03

It won't last long.. I can almost guarantee that.

WeMarchOn · 03/08/2021 07:05

Yanbu!! But then i don't understand why people have those bios anyway

Notnowkate · 03/08/2021 07:39

I'm guessing she's about 18?

bigbaggyeyes · 03/08/2021 07:41

I don't think you're over reacting at all, I'd not like this. But I also think you should just let it go. Mentioning it to tour ex will never get you anywhere. Her friends and family will think she's batshit too.

Original poster
Sunshinetoday6 · 03/08/2021 08:05

Thank you all...my reactions completely. I did feel like I came across as the 'crazy ex' but I very rarely post anything about my children on social media so for someone I've never met and who hardly knows them, I was a bit taken aback.

I wasn't rude, I just asked because both ex and I don't post on social could he ask she takes them down. He said his family think it's lovely Hmm and she's going to be in their life whether I like it or not, so she can do what she likes. They have already broken up once because of me contacting the ex (about the children), so I didn't really want them around all the drama anyway.

I think the thing that gets to me the most is that I have been pushing for contact with their dad, I facilitate all the drop offs / pick ups, he doesn't actually do any of the day to day parenting, won't even take them to any of their clubs. He even quit his job so he doesn't pay child maintenance Confused. I'm completely stressed out trying to get by and seeing this just got to me Confused.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 03/08/2021 08:07

I would take a step back then OP and stop trying to push it for your own sake. Stop facilitating it

HorseRaddish · 03/08/2021 09:11

Try to take a step back and focus on your life/work/kids. It doesn't sound likely to last, it's way too much too soon. Sadly you may need to let it play out, but at least if you're focusing on other things then it may feel less grating on you. You have my sympathy Flowers

flameycakes · 03/08/2021 09:16

If they have already split because if you, then I'd say she's done this to make a point towards you. She sounds desperate for attention and your ex is trying to appease her. Rise above it all, everything will work out fine.

OldChinaJug · 03/08/2021 09:30

She sounds a bit bonkers but I'd jut ignore it and think what a idiot she's going to look when the 'relationahip' ends and she has to rewrite her profile to remove them Wink and i can guarantee that there will be many people on her SM also rolling their eyes at her newly acquired 'family'.

I wouldn't mention it again to your ex (although I understand why you did), he might well also privately think it's a bit much but not want to admit it - esp to you. If his family do think it's lovely, they're probably just hoping for a bit of normality and stability. And some people are just a bit stupid Wink

I'd second no longer facilitating it. Except for reasonable special requests, I don’t do any of the pick ups and drop off for ex. He chose to leave the family so seeing the children is on him. I encouraged my children to see him still when they'd had usual fallings out and were saying they didn't want to, as I would have been reconcilliatry were he still at home, but your ex isn't doing any of the parenting, isn't doing the picking up/dropping off, isn't even paying maintenance, so he's not bringing anything to the party that you need. Leave him (and his wonderful new partner...) to it.

My ex and I had regular (around 6 monthly) reviews of contact, dates, times, day to day parenting responsibilities, taking to clubs etc for about the first 5 years as both of our lives were in a constant state of flux and the children's needs changed. So it's perfectly reasonable.

OldChinaJug · 03/08/2021 09:32

Perfectly reasonable to make changes as circumstances change.